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How much influence do other people have on you having another one?

(12 Posts)
fatbottomgirl12 Sun 03-Nov-13 15:28:29

I am interested as really it's the only thing me back from having DC (we currently have 4). I know it sounds ridiculous but my mother is dead set against us having another baby and I feel she would spoil it for us.
Although she doesn't really babysit (maybe twice a year), she has lent us money in the past, but we are back on our feet and have significantly changed our lifestyle since then. I work totally from home and in fact started my new job when my youngest was 3 months old so working with a little isn't a problem.
My husband would really love another baby as well. So I was interested how you all dealt with negative comments any advice would be appreciated.sad

5madthings Sun 03-Nov-13 15:33:37

My mum thought any more than two was unreasonable, we have five!

I would quite like another sometimes, but this not possible financially at the moment, if I do I know my mum would have a fit!

It does annoy/upset me but it's my life.

Thur dotn really babysit tho now the boys are older they will have one for the odd weekend etc, they have got better as the kids were older, when they were little it was very much 'you have ,Ade your bed' attitude.

I never ask them to babysit anyway.

Interestingly she is much more hands on with my sisters baby and since then has offered more with ours, not the same amount but she has made more effort.

Dotn get me wrong she loves all five but thinks w have made life harder work for ourselves etc.

5madthings Sun 03-Nov-13 15:34:26

And how to deal with it? I ignore and moan occasionally to a willing ear!

TheBreastmilksOnMe Sun 03-Nov-13 15:34:54

I'm having my 3rd and don't feel as though I personally want anymore but if I did I think I would feel disapproval from others, unspoken or not, I'm not sure but I would put on a devil may care attitude as it really is no one else's business. How dare your mum express her negative feelings about your family, it's realky got nothing to do with anyone else.

fatbottomgirl12 Sun 03-Nov-13 16:21:30

Which ever way I look at it, it is spoilt by her attitude. Our 4 DC are well adjusted and well cared for and are very much loved. They have a great life and do plenty of things.
I know it comes from what she thinks is a good place but even if I vaguely mention that we are considering no 5 I get phone calls for the next 2 days to say how she has been up all night because she can't cope with the thought of us having another??!!! Why ?? I make of point of not telling her if the kids are being particularly hard work (which most of the time they aren't).
Another one would make very little to our way life. We have space in the car for another, plenty of room in the house and I have kept all the important (expensive) equipment.
I feel totally disappointed by her attitude and don't know how to deal with it, I love her very much but it is really starting affect my relationship with her. Sorry to moan and I also know I should just 'man up' and brave it out, but I would like her to be happy for us.

TheBreastmilksOnMe Sun 03-Nov-13 18:51:51

You cannot control how other people are going to feel or react. Do what you feel is best for your family. Your mother is being manipulative and using emotional blackmail and you're allowing her to. Yes you need to man up. Keep your desires for another child between you and your husband and if you decide to go for it, just go for it. Don't inform your mum until it's obvious.

NAR4 Sun 03-Nov-13 21:46:31

My parents and mil both made it clear that they thought 2dc was enough. After my 3rd my mil told me I had more than enough. When I was pregnant with dc4 she tried to pursuade me to get sterilised when I had given birth. I now have 5dc.

It is no one else's business how many dcs you and your dh have. If I was you I would keep it to myself and then proudly announce it when you are 12wks pregnant.

4athomeand1cooking Thu 07-Nov-13 10:22:57

I have number 5 on the way and my mum is so incredibly proud of us.

We are a very tight knit family and do everything together. The kids are all top of class at school with 100% attendance and they have a lovely life. We also do not have babysitters and rarely ask for anything.

My mum tells me that people ask her how we will cope and her answer is always "beautifully". She always tells me that if she could come back as a child, she would want to come back as one of mine. (bless her)

It makes me feel very proud. I do not often face criticism but I do not really give people the opportunity to give it. What is said behind my back does not bother me at all!

My FIL did once make a sarcastic comment as he went on holiday about not coming back to find me pregnant - but unknown to him I already was wink

In answer to your question, none at all. I accept the lovely comments and everyone else has no impact at all.

workingonitagain Fri 08-Nov-13 20:55:36

I understand why you feel this way. you just her to be happy for you. So what are the exact reason in her mind that the thought of you having another one would be wrong?

demisemiquaver Sun 10-Nov-13 01:38:49

op just go for it as you'll regret it [and resent your mum forever]if you dont.....we're all influenced [occ badly] by others - but this is too important for that.....unless there is some sort of health reason ? good luck anyway! ...I bet your kids'd like it!

princesscupcakemummyb Sun 10-Nov-13 17:18:39

ive just had my 3rd baby on november 4th and ppl kept asking me why i didnt stop at 1 or 2 we myself and dh dont let any one elses thoughts influence us we are planning on another in the future but not soon im 26 and have 3 children under the age of 5

fatbottomgirl12 Thu 14-Nov-13 13:35:33

Thanks for all the responses, it's been good to get a little outside perspective. We have come to the conclusion that we will have another one, but won't start TC till after Christmas. I suppose you never know what how long it could take anyway.
Workingonitagain, I am presuming it's financial reasons (well that's what she says!). Although I think a lot of it comes from some emotional place in her, she is from a large family and it wasn't the most stable of upbrining's. However our family is nothing like that.
demisemiquaver, the kids would love another sibling and are always asking when we are going to have another one.
thanks again

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