Hi,
I've recently been propelled into large family territory by the arrival of twins 2 months ago.
We very much wanted a 3rd, but 4 was never on our radar,and the pregnancy was awful - a bit like a death march - as both dh and myself were so anxious about becoming a family of 6 (and the twins factor was very daunting as well of course).
I really hoped that, once they arrived, I would start adjusting to the situation, but it hasn't really happened. The practicalities of life with two plus twins have actually turned out to be more manageable than I thought. However, I am still struggling mentally with the whole situation. I felt very content with two, and thought I would be with one more. But that feeling of contentment has left me. I honestly worry that life will be a struggle from now on. We will manage, but I want to do so much more than manage.
Four children seems like a horde, a pack, whereas 3 would have been a small, manageable group. It may sound odd, but the children have all lost a little bit of their individuality already. Even my two older (and adored) boys have merged along with their 2 month old brother into "the boys" in my mind. It is as though 3 of one sex is the tipping point between seeing them as individuals and seeing them as one group.
I feel that parenting 4 is way out of my comfort zone, and already dread having 4 teenagers so close together in age!
Ok, I am not getting a huge amount of sleep, and the twins are still so young, but at the moment, I feel trapped in a situation I can do nothing about. I wish we had just stopped at 2.
I would like to hear from anyone who ended up with 4 or more children when they didn't plan things that way (either through unplanned pregnancy or twins as 3rd/4th pregnancy). Did you ever reach a point where you were glad to have 4? Do you still have moments of thinking 'What if we had stuck to .."
Is is possible to train yourself to see a situation you didn't want as a blessing?
My other problem is that I am very envious of all my friends who either stuck at 2 or went for a 3rd and got...a 3rd!
This all sounds very negative - sorry. I do know families with 4 children who love the number 4- but they are the ones who voluntarily went for 4, so have a positive attitude towards it. Will I ever share that attitude? I do hope so.
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Calling all with an unplanned 4th or twins as 3rd pregnancy
31 replies
elisio1 · 06/09/2013 22:01
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