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Would u keep trying til u got a boy and a girl?

(42 Posts)
Scottishgal Mon 05-Aug-13 23:03:05

Ive just been thinking about it. I think im just beibg silly but my dp has a ds and a dd to his ex. I have no children. We plan to have our own in a couple of year. And I know nit sounds stupid but im worrying myself sick incase I don't have boy and girl because then one of his other children would be the different/special one. I would seriously consider to keep going until I got one of each. Has anyone else done it?

Scottishgal Wed 07-Aug-13 12:08:17

Why should someone take the pill in a relationship? So they don't get pregnant in a monogamous relationship. . People generally use condoms to prevent stis. I don't know anybody that would choos condoms as a form of contraception in a long term relationship. Why should he use condoms when she told him she was on the pill? He told trusted her not to do it again bad judgement on his part but she decidee to bring another child into the horrendous relationship not him

FrussoHathor Wed 07-Aug-13 12:09:21

I'm married and we use condoms so that we don't have more babies

Couples use condoms as a form of contraception, bacause that is what condoms are for. If you are unaware of that you really must be quite immature.

Scottishgal Wed 07-Aug-13 12:10:41

I agree contraception is not just a woman's responsibility but when two people discuss whos going to be responsible for it that person should be responsible for it until they say otherwise. He trusted her when he shouldn't have but hes not a mind reader he gave her the benefit of the doubt

Scottishgal Wed 07-Aug-13 12:12:11

I know condoms are to prevent pregnancies for crying out loud what im saying is I have never known them to be the choice of contraception to people in a long term relationship.

FrussoHathor Wed 07-Aug-13 12:14:20

* but she decidee to bring another child into the horrendous relationship not him* and she made him have sex with her too.
Once is bad judgement. Twice just doesn't tally.

FrussoHathor Wed 07-Aug-13 12:19:00

I have never known them to be the choice of contraception to people in a long term relationship.
Most of the couples I know have condoms in the house.

It will jump to the conclusion that you are with a man who "doesn't like wearing condoms" in which case he is in part responsible.

Just a question is there 2-3 years between the DSCs

SaggyOldClothCatPuss Wed 07-Aug-13 12:19:42

Oh dear!
You sound very immature. Are you sure you should breed? hmm

MaryKatharine Wed 07-Aug-13 14:16:52

Eh, I' ve been married for 14yrs and we use condoms as a method of contraception. We have 4 children and each time when we wanted another, it was so easy just to stop using condoms. Plus it meant nobody was putting hormones into their body long term

I would be far more likely to be on the pill if I was single as I'd want to take responsibility for my own contraception. But I'd also be insisting on condoms too.

I really think you need to consider lots of things here before you decide to have a baby with this man. Firstly, can you be a good, not adequate but good, step-mother to his other 2 children? Secondly, can he (and if you marry that means both of you) afford to support 3 or 4 or 5 children?

Thirdly, she is and will always be in his life because she is the mother of his children. You need to examine whether you can live with that. Not try to better it but live alongside it.

DizzyPurple Wed 07-Aug-13 14:25:01

Plenty of people don't like the pill etc. we used condoms only for many years until we were ready to ttc. Think you need to think about all this a bit more carefully. Certainly don't rush into getting pregnant. He sounds irresponsible if that's his attitude to his actual children you may find yourself single with your kids in the future if you're not careful while he tells his new girlfriend it was all your fault...

LazyMonkeyButler Wed 07-Aug-13 14:30:03

Skirting around the whole condom/trapping issue for a minute - your own DC will not make DP's existing children any less special to him. You do know that don't you?

If you can't cope with that, then you really need to be looking for a new partner with no existing children.

Gyllenhaalic Thu 08-Aug-13 08:26:57

Oh I'm even more convinced you should not be having children yet OP. This is a ridiculous situation to begin with. Your comment that his children shouldn't have happened makes you sound bitter, resentful and actually very unpleasant. IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW THEY WERE CONCEIVED. They are his children. His responsibility for life. Him and his ex will always be in contact, always have to discuss the children, see each other at birthdays, Christmas etc. This isn't going to go away if you manage to have one boy and one girl. They won't suddennly be less important to him because you have 'matched' her. It's not a fuckinng game. As for your comments on not wanting her to have something you haven't. You sound like a spoilt, childish fool. She'll always have something you won't... HERS and HIS 2 children. Just like you'll have YOURS and HIS children. They are different children. Entirely unique. I have 2 boys. Totally different. Totally amazing in different ways.

FourGates Thu 08-Aug-13 08:43:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Inkspellme Thu 08-Aug-13 09:28:41

Another user of condoms here. In a 23 year relationship. think that Counts as Long term.

there seems to be a lot of Issues to be sorted before you consider More children In this situation.

I do hope you are young as that would explain a lot and give You time to wait ........ and Mature. .

NAR4 Wed 14-Aug-13 10:19:06

Your dp will always have a connection with his ex because he has children with her. Agree with all previous posts that ALL children are special, regardless of gender. If you find it all too much and feel so competitive with your dps ex, you will never be truly happy in your relationship. Don't be drawn into a level of petty bickering, especially where the children are concerned.

pumpkinsweetie Wed 14-Aug-13 10:24:54

From your thread, going on that alone i would say you are not ready to even consider having children yet and even if you do you need to find someone who doesn't have children of his own as clearly have a problem with competiveness.

People shouldn't have children to score points.

pumpkinsweetie Wed 14-Aug-13 10:26:24

And, as for her trapping him, what a load of tosh. Men do not stick around just because their partner is pregnant, if he is spinning this shit he has problems too.

coffeeaddict11 Thu 15-Aug-13 20:58:55

Of course men stick around when women trap them. Ita really hard for them to leave. Id say most men who are in long term relationships are there only because of the children. Walking away is easier said than done

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