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Worrying a little about stopping at 3

(7 Posts)
littlepeas Mon 03-Jun-13 09:47:34

Not sure whether I'd get more reassurance about this posting in chat...........?

I have 3dc - ds1 (4y8m), dd (3y7m) and ds2 (21m) - we carefully planned them close together in the hope that they would share interests and be close. We always intended to have 3, but since having ds1 I have pondered the possibility of 4 at various times, but most intensely after having ds2 when the whole 'last baby' thing hit like a ton of bricks! This has worn off somewhat (thank God, as it was torturous!), and I had resigned myself, quite happily, to stopping at 3.

Now, all my dc love one another, but my 2 boys have formed a particularly strong bond. Dd is increasingly getting left out and it isn't because they want to play boyish things and she doesn't, because she does (and they play with dolls, etc too). Ds1 has been coming out with things like 'I love mummy and daddy and ds2, but not dd'. They are currently sat on the sofa watching Toy Story (I know, it's sunny, but they've had a very very busy weekend and need some down time) and the boys are sitting together cuddling and dd is sat apart from them. They always sit together if they go on a little ride or something, and dd alone. I am really worrying about it. I don't want dd to spend her childhood being left out by her brothers all the time - I know it is the sort of thing that children remember into adulthood.

So I am now wondering whether it would be better for our family to have a 4th dc. I know we could have another boy (and both dh and I feel that we probably would), so it isn't about her having a sister, more that we would avoid the issue of an odd number, so they can pair up to play iyswim. I think she would be very pleased to have a sister though, as she really seeks out other little girls to play with. We don't currently have room in our house, but are planning to move soon. We can afford it. Just. We already have a big enough car. I would need a 4th c section. I hate being pregnant. It would set us back to being restricted by having a baby again, when we have started to move on. I am a little intimidated by the idea of 4 children. BUT, all of that said, I do love the idea of another person in our family, I like the idea of an even number, everyone I know who was 1 of 4 thinks it is awesome. It's such a huge decision - I know I'd never regret it, but I really want to do the right thing for everyone. Any advice?

Shellywelly1973 Mon 03-Jun-13 10:49:10

Im pregnant with my 6th baby so i totally understand your perspective.

All i can say is Ive never regretted the children i have & could only regret the children i couldn't have...

FamousFiveForever Mon 03-Jun-13 22:41:01

I am pregnant with my fourth for exactly that reason. The eldest and the youngest play together and my middle ones gets left out. Never mind the sex we just want to complete our family with an even number so no one has to sit alone on the ski lift grin

littlepeas Tue 04-Jun-13 17:15:24

Thinking about this a lot. Ds2 just pulled my list of 'just in case' baby names out if my diary! A sign, perhaps? I want to but I also don't want to. It gets so hard to decide once you get past 2 (although 3 was easy for us too).

ClairesTravellingCircus Wed 05-Jun-13 07:44:02

Hi littlepeas

I will bring a different opinion here. I think people overthink family size, age gaps etc.
I think the only good reason to have another child is because you and your dh want one. There is no perfect family size. You have no guarantees dc4 would bring 'balance' to your family. And to be fair, considering your dd will be 4-5 years older it's probably unlikely.

What if you have twins? (My third pregnancy was twinssmile) you'd have an odd number again.

I don't want to put you off (but I find having 4 a logistical nightmare!), but be prepared for things not to work out the way you might want them to.

You may also find that your dcs relationships will change over time.

Good luck with your decision!

lljkk Wed 05-Jun-13 13:31:57

I suggest they will change. DC1 & DC2 were best buddies but now (years later) DC2 & DC3 are much more matey. Mixed genders.

littlepeas Thu 06-Jun-13 12:11:04

I do want to I think. I am just very intimidated by the whole thing!

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