Big age gap no2 to no3. Will they feel like an only child?

[Madamecastafiore]

DH is 7 years younger than his older sibling then there are another 2 above her. He lives them dearly but always felt a bit left out.

We are pregnant with no3 at present and will be 9 years gap between this one and DS then there is 4 years between DS and dd (older).

Think DH would like another so this one wont feel like an only child and I am not sure how I feel. Well other than fat and so ky and tired. Think that the crux of the matter. Will have to do it quickly as am nearly 40. Financially and room wise not an issue just me thinking omg really can I go through this again??

Is 9 years going to make it feel apart from the other 2?

[dizzy77]

My brother in law is the 4th, 7 years after my DH (3rd) with 2 years between the elder 3. They're all in their 30s/40s now my observation is BIL did feel a bit separate from the elder three (and that's manifesting in the way he is dealing with the recent sad loss of their parents). That said, his elder 2 brothers were thick as thieves (the oldest is a sister) and continue to be very close and similar. I think some of the challenge is partly that his mum was able to give BIL more time and attention growing up as the other three looked after themselves/each other, so he is feeling the loss more keenly. And he is otherwise a pretty well adapted/adjusted adult male who learned how to look after himself as he followed his mum around doing chores.

I don't know if this is an argument to plan for a fourth if its not already on your agenda. But a bit of long term perspective on a bigger gap.

[dizzy77]

Sorry I had rather missed that this almost completely replicates your DH's situation so maybe not such a helpful new perspective. I don't know if BIL would think having another closer sibling would have made things "better" for him. It terrifies me that by the time she'd had all 4 children MIL was still younger than me (expecting DC2 any day now at nearly 36).

[Madamecastafiore]

Thanks Dizzy. DH adores his siblings overly in a way and I think this is because of the age gap that they were revered in a way.

Just trying to balance dh's little comments against my old age a feeling shite during this pregnancy. Although to be fair wont be working if pregnant again and can always make use of nursery a couple of times a week if situation really dire!

Your BILs don't sound that nice. Don't think any love lost between me and dh's eldest brother but think that because he has a really high opinion of himself and is never ever wrong (yeah right!!) and I won't just agree with his hypocritical spoutings. Have to be careful not to upset DH and properly argue though!!

[dizzy77]

It's rubbish in late pregnancy isn't it? Everything is so magnified. Congratulations though it is all exciting.

To be fair to DH and his family, I enjoy spending not too much time with them and they as a whole get on pretty well. youngest BIL is the most expressive with his feelings and I just don't think the older two brothers notice as that's not their way of dealing with things. I don't know if that's a birth postion or a personality thing, so doesn't necessarily translate.