3 plus 1, is it too late for me?(4 Posts)
I'm so confused I hope someone has some advice to share please!! I am now over thinking and over analysing my situation so much that I can't think straight so would love some help as I feel like I've gone mad!To put it as briefly as is possible: We have 3 DC aged 9, 7 & 4. I always wanted 4, hubby wanted 2 so a good compromise. Although it did take me a while to get round to the idea of stopping at 3, I was happy with my life (still am) and I've been working hard at setting up my own business. Anyway, last year we had a little accident and altho shocked at first we became really excited at the thought of number 4 and I was excited by the fact that 'what was meant to be...' But then it wasn't meant to be as 2 days before my 12 week scan in December I miscarried. I was absolutely devastated. But I am now feeling very confused. I was perfectly happy before this happened but now all I can think of every single day are the pros & cons of trying for another baby. My 2 big reasons for not is because of the age gaps would it be like having 3 DC's then an extra 1? Would DC 4 feel like an only child, which I would hate? My dc's are very close & we are a close family. The other big no no is my age (I'm 41). DH and I usually talk about everything very openly but haven't really talked this through. I guess I thought I would know what I wanted but because I don't it's difficult to talk about it. I get excited about the prospect of setting up my business and 'moving forward' with things but then my heart just aches for another. I love being a mum and always dreamt of a big family. Today I was chatting to a mum of 5 and I could have just cried with envy. I guess it's a heart/head decision... I'm so confused, please help!!
Don't think it would be too much of a gap, you've already got 3 years between the last two. I've four DCs and the gaps are 3 years, 4 years, 3 1/2 years. I found the biggest adjustment was going from 2 DC to 3, which you've already done. How were your other pregnancies - if you coped ok then I wouldn't be too worried about your age and you can always talk this through with your GP if you're concerned. Also your oldest especially would be a big help. My oldest was 10 when youngest was born so old enough to be able to be able to hand a baby to.
Personally I'd go with your gut feeling if you this feel like this could be a good thing. Next step is talk to DH.
This may not be the most constructive reply, so I'm sorry.
I am of the opinion that life is too short to spend too much time analysing things again and again. The problem with this is it's easy to potentially talk yourself out of it.
I'm almost the same as you! I have 3 dc's, ages 8, 6 and 2. Dh wanted 4 initially but changed his mind to 2, I wanted 4. Having 3 was a great compromise for us but we had a 'scare' 12mths ago where I got a false positive on a pregnancy test. I have never got used to 'only' having 3. In fact I could happily have 5 or 6 so was thrilled at the 'what's meant to be will be' aspect. Sadly enough all following tests were negative my af caught up with me a week later. Looking back it could even have been a chemical pregnancy but who knows.
Either way, it intensified the longing for a fourth child tenfold and then some!
So, to cut a long post short - GO FOR IT!!!!!
My three are 14, 12 and 9. I am currently 18 weeks pregnant. I look on it as 3 helpers to help once the new one is here. It will be a diddle this time around!
Just think....if number 4 is lonely, you could always have a 5th as a playmate
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