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Have I totally lost the plot?

(10 Posts)
Sparklymommy Fri 05-Apr-13 14:34:28

Ok. So I am currently a mummy to four beautiful children aged 10, 6, 5 and 3. We live in a mortgaged house with four bedrooms, 1 bathroom, and my mother and her husband.

Increasingly I find myself craving another child. When I had Dd2 nearly four years ago my mother went spare. She told me I was selfish and irresponsible and that the more children I have the less I can give to each individual. Currently DD1, DS1 and Dd2 all dance to competition level, DD1 has singing lessons and tutoring for 11+ and we just about manage. DH works hard to provide for us all and it can be a struggle.

Is it just because my baby, DD2 is all set to start school in September? Or will this feeling never leave me? After DD2 was born my mother put pressure on me to be sterilised but the NHS won't do it because I am still relatively young. I don't want a row with my mother, and I know she loves all her grandchildren unconditionally but I know that if she weren't around I probably wouldn't even think about it, I'd just start trying for baby number 5.

I am also worried that after baby 5 I would want baby 6. I love my children and enjoy being a mum. But is it ever going to end?

NAR4 Fri 05-Apr-13 15:31:18

Its up to you how many children you have, not your mother. Only you can decide if you can still give your children what they currently enjoy (the dancing), and if you feel they should continue to have it.

Personally I think I will always want more children. Don't know if that feeling will ever go for you. There is a support thread on here for those wanting more but not having them.

Svrider Fri 05-Apr-13 15:36:03

I'd be focussing on NOT living with my mother and her husband shock tbh

Balius Fri 05-Apr-13 15:37:02

Your mother has nothing to do with your decision. Your health, time management, finances - yes. Your mother - no.
How come you live with her and step dad? Is that a permanent thing?

Sparklymommy Fri 05-Apr-13 21:13:29

When I was pregnant with DS2 (child 3), we moved back in with my DM and her husband as a permanent decision to provide a stable home that would always be there for the children. We share bills. We were living in a council flat and paying two lots of bills even tho we spent most of our time together. We decided that financially we'd be better off living together and by the time I am forty five the mortgage will be cleared. The children have a large garden and we all get on well so it made sense.

HappyDogRedDogToss Fri 05-Apr-13 22:00:04

Do you really get on well, or only when you agree with your mother? wink

MamaBlue4 Mon 08-Apr-13 14:55:59

Honestly the decision is upto you and your dh not your mother. Wait until dd starts school and if you feel that it's not the feeling of losing your dd because she's growing up then I don't see why not. If you're stable (money wise) and can provide then it's up to you.

I'm currently pregnant with baby #5 (possibly #6 too). My DH works full time, as I'm currently still in the "year off" period off having my latest ID boys but will be back at work in Sept until Dec when NA is due.

We rent our 5 bedroom (plus loft conversion) cottage from my father (with option to buy when I turn 25). We're stable and yes, some months it's a little tight but we manage and all kids don't go without.

Overall, the main decision is up to you and your dh not your mother.

juule Mon 08-Apr-13 17:42:39

If you are living in your mothers home then I think she gets a say too.
She might not want to live with lots of children.
Perhaps ask her whether she is still okay with the house share arrangements or would she prefer you, your show and your children to find alternative accommodation as you are considering more children.

juule Mon 08-Apr-13 17:43:34

Not "show" "dh"

cheapskatemum Fri 12-Apr-13 16:01:20

I think you just know how many children is good for you. for me it was 4. I say, go for it!

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