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So many questions...

(19 Posts)
Melody3boys Fri 21-Dec-12 11:44:27

Hi, I'm new here
I have so many questions about taking my family from what I consider to be normal size to large-ish:
I have 3 boys...7, 5 and 1.
We were only going to have two but then decided we wanted one more which took longer to conceive so now we have a larger gap. Having 'just one more' has now put me in the position of wanting another (and soon) to even up the ages.
It would be my fourth caesarean. I had A LOT of pain on my scar during my last pregnancy and my worst of all recoveries. Any advice there?
We only live in a three bedroom house. With the small room being very small - bunk beds might fit but it would be tight. No option for loft conversion or extension. Can't afford to move until I work again (probably when youngest is at school). Does house space really matter?
We'd need s new car but that's not the end if the world.
I also HATE being pregnant and I'm 37, so no spring chicken. I think pregnancy gets harder with age maybe it's because life is more hectic. Any advice?
Also the only help I can get after c-section is an aunt, who doesn't live locally, coming to stay in our squashed house. Hubby could have a couple of days off but no more. No other relatives to help out. So going with the other three would be very hard.
In my mind it seems just a stupid idea to go for #4 but I can't shake the feeling.
Has anyone else been in a similar position ?
I really appreciate you taking the time to read all this.
M xxx

lljkk Fri 21-Dec-12 18:52:18

It does sound pretty impractical to have another (lol).
Good luck, whatever you do.

Melody3boys Fri 21-Dec-12 18:54:04


I know it doesn't make any sense but I am sooooo broody!

Boardiegirl Sun 30-Dec-12 19:55:49

U may never lose that broody feeling tho, i never did. If u want another i think ul do it woteva anyone else says anyway. Gd luck!

Oodhousekeeping Sun 30-Dec-12 20:07:46

I'm on dc4, after 3 sections.

We've also got a 3 bed house with small 3rd. We plan to keep dc4 with us for 2 years then we will have the small room until dd1 leaves for uni.

imip Mon 31-Dec-12 07:07:32

I've had four sections, the last being 11 months ago. Previous sections had been very easy, good recovery. My third pregnancy was the most painful in terms of scars, the fourth was generally fine. Recovery on section four was awful. I had an infection, It was slow to heal because the overhang on my stomach kept the wound moist - could not get fresh air in there to dry out sad. I still have overhand now, but the pregnancy weight is coming of slowly (much slower than ever before, but it usually takes a year, I'm 41 btw). My wound seperately, so now, some of the old scar, which was tucked into the wound, is now sticking out after I rehealed in a different place (iyswim). I was only in hospital for 36 hrs, my other dds were not coping well with my mum, who had come out from Australia for three weeks. I was in a lot of pain and reaction to the painkillers, antibiotics, by day 10 I was readmitted to host with severe d&v as a reaction to all the drugs.

All fine now though. I would advice to take it very easy for. First few weeks after birth.

Melody3boys Mon 31-Dec-12 11:52:15

Thanks for replies. You're right Boardigirl, I think I would really regret it if I didn't go for it.

I don't have the luxury of one about to leave home Oodhousekeeping, my oldest is only 7 - bit young for uni! Congratulations though, when are you due?

Sorry you had such a tough recovery Imip. Can I ask what your age gaps were between pregnancies? I'm looking into getting a cleaner this time around!

Oodhousekeeping Mon 31-Dec-12 12:58:03

Due in March. Dd1 is 13 but I'm counting on uni and a futon for holidays!

Melody3boys Mon 31-Dec-12 13:34:02

A while til uni then?!
My DH counldn't stand baby in our room for two weeks let alone two years! (He hates all the snuffling noises and the sounds of feeding!) With DS1&2 I put baby into own room very early on and then slept in there with them. For DS3, DH moved to baby's room and I kept baby in double room with me.

I'm currently working out ways of squeezing DS1&2's bunk beds into smallest room! Then DS3 and not-even-conceived baby#4 could share larger room with a cot, a bed and the more bulky toys the younger ones have.

lorisparkle Mon 31-Dec-12 13:44:11

we have three boys 6,4 and 2. we also live in a 3 bed house and I have had 3 csections. we would love a 4th and I have been terribly broody but have found this feeling is slowly going away because we have listened to our heads. we have no room, no money, and no time. part of me just wishes we had just gone for it but the rest just enjoys what we have got. no advice really but you have to do what is best for your whole family.

imip Mon 31-Dec-12 13:52:05

Yy to a cleaner. I didn't have one because our house is undergoing painfully slow renovations. I imagine though it would help a lot. I have <2 year gaps between them all. 19, 20 and 22 months. Dd1 was 5.2, dd2 3.5 and dd3 22 months when dd4 arrived.

I have hg for the full 9 months of morning sickness also, op. I have no fucking idea what motivates me to get pregnant! I hate pregnancy: they are high risk, I feel sick always and I am a complete nervous wreck after my first baby was stillborn (10 months before the arrival of dd1, both babies were born in the same year). And I guess losing my first daughter is actually what motivates me to get pregnant again...not quite sure why.

Good luck with your decision...

sweetkitty Mon 31-Dec-12 14:10:20

We have four, 8, 7, 4 and 2. DD3 was 13 months when I got pregnant with DS.

DS is STILL in our bedroom. We have a tiny 3 bed house, the third room can't even fit a standard single bed in it. It was either move or extend. Luckily we are in the middle of extending. We have a 7 seater car now too.

No advice in the csection though, mine were all VBs but I found the recovery harder last time around. Four is hard work, not for the faint hearted but great fun, our family feels balanced now. I've always felt like I have my big 2 as there is only 18 months between them and they are a year apart at school and my little two as they have been at home with me for the past 3 years smile

Good luck deciding

sweetkitty Mon 31-Dec-12 14:13:11

Imip - I bloody hate being pregnant too, I only have the sickness for 3 1/2 months then the SPD kicks in. Couldn't walk the last time, had to take cocodamol for 4 months just to get out of bed, crutches or wheelchair not an option when you have one at school, one at nursery and a 1yo to look after. DP was able to wangle 3 day weeks for the last 2 months to help out. We have no family help at all either.

Melody3boys Mon 31-Dec-12 15:24:50

Oh imip that is very sad about your first one being still born. I cannot begin to imagine sad

I too wonder why I keep going for another. Every pregnancy I bow I'm not going to do it again (apart from with ds1, I knew I just had to give him a sibling). I am pretty sure we are going to try for #4 soon and at that elcs I will ask to be sterilised.

Lorisparkle I know exactly what you mean but I think my heart is going to win over our heads! I would always regret it itherwise. We're going to give ourselves a set time for TTC (dh says one month - I obviously need to work on him some more!!!) and if it doesn't happen in that time then so be it.

imip Mon 31-Dec-12 16:01:24

Cocodomol, that was the bastard that I had a reaction too after my fourth section!

Op, I was sterilised on my fourth section....

sweetkitty Mon 31-Dec-12 16:22:01

When DD3 was 3 months old it was DP who said that we had to have one more, took about 10 seconds for him to convince me ;(

I have to admit I am not broody anymore, four has cured me of it. I couldn't be pregnant again and I finally know I am done, I have gotten rid if everything apart from a few special keepsakes. DS has just toilet trained so no more nappies an will be in a big boy bed next month so no more cots either but I don't feel sad.

I think you just know when you are finished having babies and you sound like your not

lorisparkle Mon 31-Dec-12 17:02:13

knew I shouldn't have started reading this. now you are making me want number 4 again! grin

Melody3boys Mon 31-Dec-12 18:47:37

Go on lorisparkle you know you want to begin 2013 with TTC! No, sorry, I know that's not helpful.

I just want to crack on (so to speak wink) now!

RB04 Sat 05-Jan-13 21:58:42


I am currently 6 weeks with no 4. Totally understand where you are coming from. My eldest are 12 and 10 - 22 months between them and both girls. They grew up together and would not have been without each other for a minute. I had totally unplanned pregnancy with my son, now 16 months and I knew from the minute I saw him I wanted him to have a sibling to share his childhood with like his sisters had. They love him dearly but do not want to play with him quite as much as be wants to play with them. Luckily we do have enough space but the price is no cleaner or any of those other luxuries!! We already have 7 seater so no problem there either.

I know 4 will probably tip me over edge but I love being a mother and have been lucky with pregnancy and births so far - fingers crossed.......

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