I am finding it very hard. I want to, very much, but am very torn about whether we should. I swing wildly between thinking we should definitely stop and desperately wanting one more. It would definitely only we one more - I've never been interested in more than 4, it feels like my number (I'm happy to take the small risk of twins - no twins in family and am 30 - and know myself well enough to know I'd be fine/happy if we get twins).
For info, we have ds (4.2), dd (3) and ds (1.3) - so all close in age and still little. I worry a lot about having too big a gap and hypothetical dc4 always being left out - we're already at a 2 year gap if we start now, which we won't.
In terms of pros and cons, it would absolutely come out in favour of stopping - surely it would for most people if you think about it in practical terms? From my point of view, pros are:
- I want another to experience it all one last time
- I feel like our family should have 4 children
- I think it would be lovely for the dc to have a big gang of siblings
- I think it would be less likely someone would be left out with an even number
- I just want to
- I worry I will regret it if I don't
cons:
- We only have a small house, though we will extend and then move in time
- I don't want to spread myself too thinly
- I don't want to stop enjoying raising my children
- I would have to have a 4th section
- I am likely to get spd in the pregnancy
- It would stretch our finances
- I am starting to feel that I'd like to get my own life back on track and this is starting to happen at the moment (am nearly back to wedding weight, can go out, thinking about my options re work, starting to have more time to myself/with dh) and another baby would set us back again
- I very slightly find myself wanting another girl - I would be thrilled with a boy too, I love my boys, but I want a sister for my dd and I don't want ds2 to feel pushed out
There is probably more, but you can see the cons list is longer!
We can afford it to a point, but things are a bit tight at the moment with lots to pay for over the next couple of years and we will be losing our child benefit. We already have a big 7 seater, so car is not an issue. I am a stay at home mum, so childcare isn't really a problem, but it would mean delaying my return to work by another couple of years at least - in all honesty work is a separate issue I have to think about as it is going to be very difficult for me to return to my previous career (events) without sacrificing a lot in terms of time with dc and dh, so I have a lot to think about there anyway. I miss work desperately at times, but then I am so happy at home with my dc that I usually get over it pretty quickly! I think about retraining, but the only other thing I am interested in doing also involves long, antisocial hours! Sorry - went off on a bit of a tangent!
I don't like being pregnant (apart from the nice bits). I love the baby stage, I love the toddler stage, I love the preschool stage - I can see me loving every stage tbh, but I do really like them little, I wish I could press pause. That said, I know it isn't just mindless broodiness because my brain refuses to think any further than 4 children - it is definitely the 4th child in our family that I want and not just another baby.
Dh needs convincing - he is a pragmatist and far less emotionally driven than I am - if he were more like me he would do it in a heartbeat.
Sorry for essay - it;s hard to talk to people about it as everyone just tells me I would be crazy!