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How much do you think about age gaps?

(12 Posts)
3monkeys3 Mon 19-Nov-12 09:25:25

I think I may be obsessed! I have small gaps so far - 13 months and 22 months - and this has really worked out well for us. We are contemplating a 4th at the moment and,for various reasons, we are looking at a least a 2.5 year gap - this seems huge and we're worried about the 4th baby being a bit tagged on fthe end and not ever really able to join in with siblings. Looking for reassurance really, I suppose! The only other option is to go for it sooner and possibly be extremely pregnant while pfb (very high functioning asd) is settling into school and then for my sister's wedding, at which I am chief bridesmaid. This doesn't seem fair to dsis or ds1.

3monkeys3 Mon 19-Nov-12 09:26:16

Sorry for typos and weird grammar - i am truly crap on iPad.

Thinkingof4 Mon 19-Nov-12 17:21:34

I have gaps of 2y 8m, 22month and if this pregnancy goes ok will be 26months between ds3 and baby. My oldest 2 get on really well and I think they will continue to be great friends. I had 'planned' on having 2 year age gaps but a mmc between ds1 and ds2 meant that wasn't possible. IMO up to 3 years would still be fine for a fourth/last baby, but I'm sure there will be others out there with bigger gaps who find it's fine

NAR4 Tue 20-Nov-12 14:34:55

11 years between my 3rd and 4th. Hasn't caused any problems at all and hubby and me were surprised how well she just slotted into the family with no real impact on the others. Have to admit that we are now expecting number 5 though, so 4th doesn't get lonely (of course).

DIYapprentice Wed 05-Dec-12 13:20:58

I'm the youngest of 6, and the other 5 are all close together in age (between 14 and 18 months apart), but there is a 4 1/2 year gap between the second to youngest and myself.

I found my childhood quite lonely, the only saving grace was having some cousins my age. It wasn't until I was in my 20s that one of my sisters and I became close, but I've never bridged that gap with any of the others (I am in my 40s now).

nagynolonger Wed 05-Dec-12 13:40:22

I had almost 8 years between DC3 and DC4 and then went on to have DC5 & 6 close. I did want DC4 to have a sib close in age so that he would have a similar childhood to the 3 eldest.

I do think of them as two sets of 3 IYSWIM. It as worked out really well for us but it was very hard coping with teenagers and toddlers.

I can see how one much younger one in a larger family might feel a bit left out. It is why we had the youngest two. My little one is 16 now and he has said home will be quiet if the next one up does off to university.

AcidTurkishBath Thu 06-Dec-12 21:14:38

DSCs are 17 and 16. DCs are 5 and 3. The huge age gap will probably leave DSC1 and DC2 not very close as she goes to university next year. But both sets will be close and sometimes the teenagers are very helpful with the younger ones.

My brother was a newborn baby as I was going to school. I am told that we were late quite often at first but that I obviously enjoyed having school to distract me from the drop in attention shown at home. So don't assume that having a baby when your DC1 is starting school is a bad thing. If you try to avoid every possible bad time, you'll never have another, especially with three children already. And a wedding is just one day - you shouldn't postpone having a baby for that.

nagynolonger Fri 07-Dec-12 11:49:03

You're right AcidTurkishBath.

My youngest three were 5, 3,& 1 when my eldest went to university and their sister went two years after that. The older two are more like uncle and aunt to the little ones. They are close and have been very generous to their younger sibs.
The only one of mine that says he felt a bit left out is DC3. The one that was left behind with the little ones. He was a young teen when his sister left for university. The next DC down was 5. I do think DC3 resented the younger ones at the time but he has been a good role model for them.

mumof2girls99 Thu 13-Dec-12 20:09:28

i have a 3 year old and one year old they get quite well most of the time never really thought about age gaps we are ttc no 3

MolotovCocktail Tue 22-Jan-13 16:31:34

There is 3y 2m between DD1 and DD2.

We started TTC again about 6m after DD1 was born as I wanted children very close together. It didnt work out that way: DD2 took 2 years of TTC, fertility tests and 6 cycles of Clomid to show her shiney face.

DD2 is 9mo now and I think we're both inclined toward the prospect of another DC ... I don't know whether to stop using contraception and just see what happens (DH is) or to aim for at least a 2y gap between DD2 and possible DC3. In retrospect, I think I may have found life difficult if DD2 had been born before DD1 was about 2yo.

I'm thinking of potty training, temper tantrums and that kind of thing that comes with toddlers. Also, I had an ELCS with DD2 and would highly likely have one again for another baby, so there's thatto take into account in terms of recovery and looking after 3 children.

sparklestar Tue 22-Jan-13 16:39:08

I have 2 years 4 months between dc1 & 2 then 4 years 4 months between dc2 &dc3. This is not out of choice but Mother Nature but I also think the personality of each child can be a big factor if they become close etc more than the gap between them.

workingonitagain Thu 24-Jan-13 14:12:01

sparklestar that's exactly what i've heard from other mums with 3+ and i have to say that i think a lot will be down to us encouriging close bond in the family. my sis dc1 and brother dc2 had 18 between them then i came 2 years later so we were all pretty close in age.
Yet we grew up like total strangers constant fighting and without any kind of bond. shame sad

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