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Did anyone REALLY want another one, but decided against?

(11 Posts)
3monkeys3 Tue 09-Oct-12 10:34:55

Not sure if this is the right place to ask this, but I know there are quite a few lurkers, like me, who like the idea of a large family but aren't really there yet. I have 3dc at the moment and would like another - my dh is erring towards no and I'm also not sure if it is totally right for us (for various reasons, but mainly because I'd need a 4th section, have rubbish pregnancies and we're a bit concerned about how we'd manage to give them all the time they need as we already feel that we're spinning plates a bit - also we want to be able to move on and start to do things altogether, instead of one of us (me) being always a bit left out, holding the baby). All this aside, I still really want another - I just feel as though we are supposed to have 4 children, I know when I'd plan the baby, whether I'd find out the gender or have a surprise, have lists of names for boys and girls, always think 'but we might have another' before we pass anything on..........and I think about it every day without fail.

I suppose what I am asking is - if you wanted another, but decided for very sensible reasons not to, did it live with you forever or were you able to move on in time and feel that your family was complete? I am worried about thinking 'I really wish I'd had that baby I wanted' when I get older. I am feeling very pulled in 2 directions and am very confused.

NAR4 Thu 11-Oct-12 13:01:31

I always wanted a bid family but after 3 children had to admit (reluctantly) that we couldn't afford any more. 11 years later and I have an 18 month old and am 6 months pregnant with number 5. I'm really glad we didn't take any perminant measures to not have any more. There are lots of contraceptive choices now. Maybe wait a while and see how life is without a little one, then decide if you still want more.

My cousin was sterilised after number 3 after persuasion from her husband and always regretted it.

My husband thinks 5 is enough but I still can't bring myself to decide definately no more.

Thinkingof4 Thu 11-Oct-12 13:42:13

That's really interesting nar4 sounds like for you the broodiness never really went away
3monkeys I really feel for you as I have been trying to decide on TTC no4 for months. This may be controversial but tbh I don't think you'll find an answer on here. I trawled these boards for months and it only really confused me even more. Everyone's situation is slighty different and no-one can answer you q except you. I'm sure you know that already though
I actually think staying away from mn or larger families forum at least
helped me make the decision to go for it (dh was on board by then) as it gave me space in my head to really think about what was best for us

I really hope that doesn't offend or annoy you its just my opinion and I do enjoy reading your posts

MeFour Thu 11-Oct-12 13:43:32

I still want more. Dh has had a vasectomy. My brain understands why and agrees.

Thinkingof4 Thu 11-Oct-12 13:44:18

On the other hand maybe i've just been burying my head in the sand grin

chipmonkey Thu 11-Oct-12 14:15:05

My Mum had four of us and always regretted not having more......

Dillydollydaydream Thu 11-Oct-12 14:34:37

I am pregnant with dc 4. We decided last to try for #4 but had a mc in April. After the mc I wasn't sure whether to continue ttc as I was scared to go through another mc. Anyway, this month I found out I was pregnanct. I'm very happy but worried I'll mc again

3monkeys3 Thu 11-Oct-12 17:02:02

Thank you - I do really want another and if my dh said 'let's go for it' I think I would jut say 'ok' and stop agonising, but his stupid voice of reason is making me more pragmatic! I feel capable, we can afford it. I am only 30, so do have a while, but I have had my dc so close together that I feel it would be unfair on hypothetical dc4 to be too much younger than the others (and a playmate is out of the question). It's such a tough decision! I think I am going to take your advice thinking of 4 and step away from larger families for a while.

Mooglet Fri 12-Oct-12 08:51:19

But whose posts will I follow then, 3monkeys3??? No, really, it seems like sound advice from Thinkingof4, but I too think about it every day (every hour?!?) and it can be nice to come on Mumsnet sometimes and see that I am not the only one. My friends think I'm mad for wanting another, and my mum would probably implode!

3monkeys3 Fri 12-Oct-12 11:49:18

Don't worry mooglet I'm still here!

PumpkinJack Fri 12-Oct-12 15:19:50

I am one of the many, I expect, perusing this board whilst considering number 3. 'should we have another child' could be a new topic, judged like AIBU!

Practically, we shouldn't. We would manage but it would be a stretch with money, time, energy (health probs), space (3beds) etc. however, I cannot stop thinking about it and simply seem unable to reconcile with stopping at 2. I wish I could and actually envy those who are content with 2!

Op, no advice I'm afraid. I think it's a very hard urge to ignore or fight though (easier in the middle of the night or during illness, I find) smile

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