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Would 4yr age gap be too big to hope for close bond???

(16 Posts)
workingonitagain Thu 27-Sep-12 13:14:32

hi everyone, we have just decided to go for dc3 ds1 just turned 3 and ds2 is 1 if all goes well, we should have dc3 here by the time they are around 4 and 2 but im worried about age gap between dc1 and dc3... is 4 years not too much for them to bond? i know that i never had very close bond with my sister and brother (they only had 18 month between them) and i came 2 years after them. not sure if it was because my mum spent a lot of time with me as always felt sorry for me being on my own or if i was on my own coz my sis and brother thought my mum had spent too much time with me and they became jealous (vicious circle confused ). or because they just simply got on better hmm
we always thought we'd stop at 2 but now we both really feel we would love a third one but would this not throw our family out of sync?
my dp and our two kids are very close (i didn't feel my family was very close when i was a child) and im hoping that our kids will feel that we love them all the same way and they will be good friends but can't help worrying about this. (which probably won't help the ttc either as i keep thinking, it has to happen quickly otherwise age gap will be even bigger) angry
Any comment would be appreciated

Arithmeticulous Thu 27-Sep-12 13:18:48

If the age gap between DC1 and DC2 is the same as DC2 and DC3 - that's perfectly ok wink

I think whether siblings get on well is more personality than age difference.

My DC3 loves DC1 (3.5 year gap) because DC1 plays with some really cool stuff and lets DC3 join in occasionally . DC2 and DC3 only have an 18 month age gap, but only play together when DC3 does what DC2 wants, which isn't often.

hollyw Mon 01-Oct-12 14:26:34

I think personality rather than age gap affects sibling relationships. I also think that a 4 year age gap between dc1 and dc3 is 'normal'. It's not a huge gap. There is about 3 3/4 years between my 3rd and 4th and so far ( baby is just gone 1) dc 3 seems to have enjoyed having a younger sibling

margerykemp Tue 02-Oct-12 19:54:08

There's abigger gap than that between mine and they are very close. I think it's more about the parents encouraging closeness than the actual gap.

qumquat Wed 07-Nov-12 20:04:12

No not at all. I'm 7 yrs younger than my sister and we are extremely close. It wasn't the same when I was tiny obviously but we've always had a fierce bond. I know plenty of siblings much closer in age who are not close at all or who grew up fighting.

RyleDup Wed 07-Nov-12 20:06:11

My brother is 5 yrs older than me and we didn't get on as children as the age gap was too big. As adults though we are really close.

Musomathsci Wed 07-Nov-12 20:11:07

I have 11 months then 6.5 years as sibling gaps. All three are very close and no issues re the big age difference. As someone else said, it has a lot more to do with personality than anything else. Just go for it and enjoy DC3! My eldest loves 'regressing' and playing with my youngest and middle one likes to be 'mini-me' and fuss over both of them!

RowanTreesJoeAtChristmas Mon 12-Nov-12 20:00:31

There's 4 years between my boys. DS2 is only 10 months old so too young to tell how they'll get on as children but so far DS1 has been amazing with him. He's grown up enough to be a little more independant and understand that the baby needs something so he waits for attention etc. I have found the age gap really works for us. I have no idea how they'll feel about eachother as they grow up but so far they have an amazing bond. DS2 adores his big brother and smiles, babbles and giggles as soon as he sees him his whole face lights up. It's beautiful to see. There's 5 years between me and my sister and we have always got on and are very close now. There's 18 months between my brother and sister and they have never been close, they are civil to eachother but aren't 'friends' if that makes sense? In my experience it's far more about personalities than age gaps, espeically since they will be siblings forever, not just in childhood. A brother or sister will be there forever despite whether there is a 1 year age gap or a 10 year age gap.

I've known siblings close together in age who have never bonded, equally I've known siblings close in age who have and siblings with 8/9year differences who get on incredibly well. I think it's largely down to personality.

PearlyWhites Wed 14-Nov-12 18:59:53

No , I have two 6 year age gaps and an 18 month age gap between by four they are all very close x

PearlyWhites Wed 14-Nov-12 19:00:19

My four dc ( I meant)

WiseKneeHair Wed 14-Nov-12 19:05:25

I have a 7 year gap between DS1 and DS3 and they are very close. DS3 idolises DS1.
There is a 4 year gap between DS2 and DS3 and they don't get on so well.
As others have said, it is a lot more to do with personalities than age gaps.
Btw, having 3 is expensive and exhausting great. grin

ISeeThreadPeople Wed 14-Nov-12 19:17:46

It's a brilliant age gap. I have 4.4yrs between dd and ds and they are a mutual appreciation society. DD has never, ever resented his input or told him off even if he's rampaging through her room or tearing up her masterpieces. She merely cuddles him and mock admonishes him. And he looks at her like she floated down on a cloud of chocolate. I don't get a look in.

BeaWheesht Wed 14-Nov-12 19:19:57

I only have 2- there's 3y9m between them - boy then girl.

At the moment (5 and 2) they adore each other, play together etx.

notnagging Sat 24-Nov-12 16:31:52

Eldest ds is 11 & youngest is 3 months. I find the ones that are closer in age argue the most (twins 9 & ds 5). My eldest is a lovely big brother I I think they will all appreciate him when he's able to pick them up from school & take them out when he's older. grin

exoticfruits Sat 24-Nov-12 16:44:54

My 8 yr gap is a better bond than the 20 month bond. It is to do with personality not age-unfortunately not something you can tell in advance.

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