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DH is having the snip today and I'm feeling blue :(

(18 Posts)
flubba Thu 20-Sep-12 15:59:23

We have three gorgeous, happy, healthy children but I'm still sad about it.

Practically it's the right thing to do. Emotionally for me it's not. sad

AGoldenOrange Thu 20-Sep-12 20:48:24

Aww ((hugs))

I know you've said its the right thing to do, but it just feels like its so...I don't know final

imip Thu 20-Sep-12 21:54:58

I am right there with you, flubba.

I was sterilised seven months ago when having a c-section with dd4. Dithering over packing away and getting rid of all the baby clothes, and feeling blue about it all, but am trying to focus on the lovely family that I have, and I know how fortunate I am to have them (after infertility and the stillbirth of our first daughter). I have four surviving dds and they are HARD work. Even though I know I could not manage another baby, I still would love another.....

3monkeys3 Thu 20-Sep-12 22:47:15

I am dilly dallying and delaying this at the moment - we also have 3 and will be stopping. I just can't face it, even though I know another baby is out of the question. I really understand how you must feel.

flubba Thu 20-Sep-12 22:56:28

Thank you for your responses. I really appreciate them, genuinely.

StormyWeek Thu 20-Sep-12 22:57:50

Is it done now, OP? How is he? And you?

lollystix Fri 21-Sep-12 09:45:23

Waves to imip - I seriously couldn't cope with another baby but I still see newborns and melt. However I do feel different after 4. With 3 I just felt wrong about him having the snip - felt so final. After 4 I feel in my gut I couldn't cope with another. Have you discussed it or has it happened quite fast?

Four4me Fri 21-Sep-12 20:55:11

I know exactly how you feel. Last fri my dh had the snip and I felt quite weepy all weekend and we have four dc!! Think I was very hormonal as this week af arrived! Not helped by my lovely friend having a gorgeous newborn on sat and two friends announcing preg this week!! blush
Hope you (and dh) are ok? I keep focusing on the nightmare that would be leaving the house at 8am with another one! wink

Vickles Sun 23-Sep-12 11:04:10

I know exactly how you feel. We booked the appointment last week, but.... Six days before the appointment, we found out we we're pregnant with no4!
This 'is' what I wanted, but we're still slightly reeling from the reality of it all!
My heart and emotions are 100% into it, but my body and mind are trailing behind. I know everything will be fine, and we will love this little bean just like the others.... But, it has well and truly taken me out of my comfort zone at present!

flubba Sun 23-Sep-12 12:34:42

Wow Vickles that must be confusing! How are you feeling now?

Thank you all for your replies, it's made me feel less stupid for having these feelings.

Feel a bit blush as it turned out not to be the actual operation, but a booking appt (he'd been led to believe, by his GP, that this was going to be the op confused), so it's another 9 weeks wait until that comes through.

We have discussed it, but it's all happened a bit fast anyway I think. DC3 is 19m old now and DH has 'known' for a long time that 3 is enough for him. I feel it would be wrong to have another baby that wasn't entirely wanted by both parents. Financially and logistically it makes sense to stop now. sad That sounds so shit writing it down so practically and rationally . Having a baby shouldn't be a rational thing IM hormone-driven O. Sigh.

Four4me I think that's partly why my DH is less keen to have another; he doesn't think that would be me "done" and I'd probably want another too.

Was your DH fine with having the snip (emotionally-speaking)?

headinhands Sun 23-Sep-12 12:40:42

I know how you feel op. It's a strange feeling and an understandable one but it doesn't mean the decision you have both made is wrong. Bizarrely I had the urge to rugby tackle dh as he left for the short walk down to the doctors but I knew it was just a knee jerk reaction. 5 years on and were still happy with the decision and enjoying the benefits. Allow yourself to wobble but accept it's not a lasting feeling.

Vickles Sun 23-Sep-12 13:42:20

Well, I'm 5 weeks pregnant, due May next year. My youngest is 19 months! And my hubby had the snip last week!
This is what I wanted.. My last chance of a baby, and I got my way.
My husband is fine with it, as we were actively trying in the school holiday, but then didn't get a positive test for the last few months as we'd kind of come to terms with 'shutting up shop', but, I wasn't quite 100% there.
I knew we might have had a last chance try a few weeks ago, but I knew it was such a long shot, and we were kind of in the lap of the gods... Then, amazingly we got a positive test! On the day that our middle child started school!!! Ironic!
I think I'm more in denial, as despite all praying and hoping I was doing, on the build up to the op.... I knew it was such a long shot.
I love that we're doing the newborn but again, as I love that stage. I love that we're rounding up the numbers, as me and my hubby are both from 3, and we have struggled on and off that when growing up. I love that my two big girls are at school together, my 19 month old boy will have another playmate next year. Two at home, two at school. Dc4 and my little boy will only have two school years between them.
Regarding having had the snip now, whilst only being 5 weeks pregnant, we feel that what will be, will be. If this pregnancy doesn't work, then, we won't be trying again, as we have 3 healthy children already.
We know how lucky we are on that score alone.
I'll be 38 yrs when baby's here. I'm self employed, and can fit my work around family time. We have the space, house wise and was going to replace the car anyway next year. Holidays are easy as we go to Center Parcs and my sisters house in south France every year.
I'm not expecting all family and friends to congratulate us in the same way as they did with our other children. I think they're thinking and are going to think we're bloody barmy!!
I have no regrets, but I am still coming to terms with the actual reality of another little person to look after!

Vickles Sun 23-Sep-12 13:48:31

God, the other week, before I knew I was pregnant.. I was sobbing my heart out at One Born Every Minute and nearly welling up when seeing pregnant women on newborn babies! I was so upset about the decision of not having anymore... And was envious of friends who had decided, enough was enough.
I read an article by Vanessa Feltz the other month, and I really took in what she wrote.
" Have more children than is respectable or responsible. Babies hardly cost a thing. By the time children start caring about clothes or holidays you'll have found the wherewithal to explain why it's character building to rise above such fripperies! I had only two offspring. I regret it more than I can say."

flubba Sun 23-Sep-12 17:04:57

Oh God I'd never have thought I agreed with something Vanessa Feltz had to say!

Oh you're making me even more envy and sad but am very smile for you too! smile

FellatioNelson Sun 23-Sep-12 17:09:49

Vansessa Feltz grew up a Jewish princess in a well to do family - what would she know?! That is irresponsible advice as far as I am concerned. It's the kind of thing you can say when you wanted for nothing as a child, went to Oxford and married a doctor from the 'right' kind of family. Will she be there to pay the bills for the poor women who listen to her and have babies they can't afford? Babies may not cost much but children cost a bloody fortune.

flubba Sun 23-Sep-12 17:11:24

True about children costing a fortune. Good - need more reasons like that to bring me back to reality... smile

RowanTreesJoeAtChristmas Sun 23-Sep-12 20:32:23

Vanessa Feltz also fails to mention that more children equal more demands upon time and attention from parents. Parents can feel more thinly spread and the gult is unbearable and I only have 2! We are stopping at two and although I do look on at larger famillies in awe, I know personally I am streched to the limit, financially and emotionally. That said, I know plenty of families with 4 + children who do absolutely brilliantly but I know I couldn't cope so Vanessa's advice seems a little irresponsible and completely unrealistic. It's natural to feel a little apprehensive about the snip. It should be seens as final and that can be emotional... I however told DH if he doesn't get it done then I am doing it in his sleep with a stanley knife.

imip Thu 27-Sep-12 20:50:41

smile @ lolly !

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