Hi all,
Apologies for posting on a topic which I know has been covered numerous times but I'm really struggling with the fact that my DH is adamant he doesn't want a third child and would appreciate any suggestions on how to deal with it.
Not sure "Larger Families" is the best place to post this either as I don't really think three children is a particularly large family!
We always agreed to have "at least two". I think, before we got married, DH was more keen on three children than me as I'm one of three and had some reservations (my younger sibling got left out a bit but suspect that was more to do with the very large age gap).
We have a DS who is 4 and DD who is 3 in the summer (16 month gap). When DD arrived and was tiny, DH kept on saying how brilliant it would be to have three under three. He liked the idea of the challenge (weird, I know). I said I three sounded great but I wanted to have a more "normal" gap this time so as not to feel too exhausted/sick etc. during my DD's babyhood. (As I had terrible morning sickness when pregnant both times, plus lots of stress and long hours at work - which meant I didn't enjoy my time with DS enough when he was litte...) Anyway, I've been campaigning for a third for 18 months now and DH has told me, repetitively, he just doesn't want one. He can't give a good reason for changing his mind and says there are lots of reasons not to want a third, just like there are reasons to want one. We agree that there is no objectively "right" decision here. And I know that we can't have one if he doesn't want one.
Financially, we are fine and could afford another one - although DH doesn't quite see it like that and says it would have an impact on our lifestyle (holidays, cars, potential school fees later on/childcare costs). However, we are fortunate and I think definitely could afford it. I'd move to a cheaper house if necessary (although not a great idea as we just moved last year and shelled out loads on stamp duty, fees etc).
I'm slightly more concerned that the stress of a new baby and juggling three children would have a negative impact on our marriage but I think we could cope.
I don't just love babies/toddlers - I really love the idea of having three grown-up children around for birthday meals etc. (well, at least sometimes!) and I also like the idea of each child having more than one sibling to turn to if they need help.
Should I abandon my hope for another child and try to come to terms with it or try, again, to persuade DH to consider it? DH is very stubborn and it hasn't worked so far. (By the way, I do appreciate how lucky I am and love my DS and DD tremendously.) I'm 37 so don't want to leave it much longer.
Any thoughts gratefully received!
Thanks.
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Really want DC3 - DH doesn't
36 replies
hmmmtricky · 02/05/2012 14:22
OP posts:
hmmmtricky ·
13/08/2012 10:57
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
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