Leaving number of DC to chance

[ItWasThePenguins]

I'd love to have a large family. Whilst I am not a practising Christian i have always considered myself one. I'm not sure what I think of God 'having a plan' for us etc,, but I do think that whatever decisions you make, it can't be wrong. You make the best of what you have, be thankfull for what you have, follow your heart etc.

I would really love to have lots of children, and close together.
We have DS 20months, and ttc#2 (delayed due to severe pnd - annoyed at myself, but I only recently learnt to believe in myself and felt competant as a mother).
I'm only 20, DH is older, so there is plenty of time for lots of DC.
How do I approach talking to DH about leaving it to chance after having DC2? Ie, dtd when we feel like it without any conraception at all. (TMI - we usually chose to do 'other things' rather than 'that'.)
Fell pg first cycle with DS, on 2nd cycle ttc atm, always get pregnant v quickly, as did mum, nan etc.

Sorry this is really garbled. Basically -

• Do you think it's a good idea to leave it to chance.
  
• How do I talk to DH about this.

[DoubleGlazing]

It wouldn't really be "chance" in every way, it would be your choice that you were willing to become pregnant every time you had unprotected sex. As you're currently only 20, this could mean you end up with anything from no more children to 15 or more. I think you need to decide at some stage how many children you can realistically cope with, both financially and in every other way.

[braidedsilver]

Don't bite off more than you can chew. Just because DH is older doesn't mean he can cope with as many children as just "happen". You need to think realistically about the monetary and emotional needs of each child. Honestly, I think thinking like this is very irresponsible. You have to be realistic about your abilities as a parent, his abilities as both a parent and an earner, and what kind of unequal parenting the children will get because you'll never know if it's the last child or not. Not sure where you are, but in the States it's estimated the average family spends 1 million dollars on each child by the time they are 16. That's a lot of money. If you know you want one more now than just stop using birth control and see what happens, but only do that once you've for sure decided you want another child.

[braidedsilver]

Ugh! Then stop using birth control...* I swear my grammar isn't usually that lousy.

[RandomMess]

Young children are inexpensive once they are at school and certainly as pre-teens they get a whole lot more expensive.

I don't believe children need lots of material things but if you have to scrimp and save for everything isn't nice for them.

[GinwillFixit]

Perhaps the number of children you desire will become clearer after you have had the next. I mean if you have a second child you may find that is enough for you, or not ... then you will go on and have another, and so forth. You are only 20, so you do have time on your side. Your DH should obviously be part of the discussion too. I would stop and consider what I wanted after each child.

[DerbysKangaskhan]

It's a perfectly viable option to take -- I have multiple friends from different backgrounds who choose to do this quite happily (alongside fertility awareness) as were my husband and I.

It may better to convince whether or not you both are open to conceiving the next child rather than convincing to leave it all open ended -- you can only do one pregnancy at a time anyway, and it leaves you room if you either change your mind or the option is, God forbid, taken away from one you due to complications. Taking it one pregnancy at a time saves some of the emotional pain that happens if you imagine you'll have one number and circumstances mean you'll never get there (speaking from experience).