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devasted with 3rd pregnancy

(4 Posts)
Sabrinette Thu 13-Oct-11 11:35:48

Hello,
I would like to talk to mothers with 3 children and a career.I have been devasted since I found out we were waiting for a 3rd baby (pb with contraception).
I am already struggling with two (3.5 and 2 years) and a comptetitive city london job and a long commute (4 hours a day a full time). My new managers are starting being aggressive with comments on how I manage a full time job and my kids...
but what kill me the most is the lack of support of my familly;I had comments like " do you really want to keep it" or "are you going to spend your live having children?", or "now you can say farewell to your career" or "do really want to be poor?"...It is really difficult because they used to be my mai support system; I am feeling reall alone and betrayed for the first time.My mum have not speak to me since months because she said I will become old, ugly, with no life and she doesn't want to be involved in this failure.
Please help me with just your experience. I am usually very strong but those comments scared me really and although I am anticipating and preparing the new arrival, I can't help thinking; have I spoilt my life? I am keeping this baby anyway...
thk u...

Haribojoe Thu 13-Oct-11 12:34:06

Sorry to hear that you're not getting the support you should from those around you, that can be really tough.

When I had DS 1 & 2 my Mum was around (we lived as an extended family) and was a huge support and influence, she was my best friend.

Fast foward a few years and sadly my Mum had died, I had no contact with any of my family anymore, we had to sell the family home and move and I was pregnant with DS3.

I wanted my baby very much but to say I felt daunted was an understatement, I had never had to manage with just my DH and I and no other support and whilst I wanted us to cope I wasn't sure how it would all work out.

18 months on DS3 is 13 months old, I'm pregnant with DC4 and can honestly say we've never looked back. We're a tight unit and manage really well, the kids are happy and don't go without and everyday I'm proud that our success (for want of a better word) is down to no one but us.

Sorry for the long post, what I'm trying to say is that even if you can't see how it can ever work, it can, and that in a years time you might be looking back and wondering why you ever doubted yourself.

We also had loads of negative comments when telling people about DS3, just ignore them.

Hope this helps.

Sabrinette Thu 13-Oct-11 20:07:10

Hello Haribojoe,
your message healed me a lot. thank you for taking the time to reply.
I am so sorry for your mum and do admire your courage. If you have been able to cope then I should be able to.
take care

lollystix Fri 14-Oct-11 17:58:25

Hi - I popped yesterday with ds4. I wasn't finished work as was 38 weeks. I have stressful job but better than u in that's it's 4 days and commute is manageable on foot but I do have school and nursery pick up both ways. Yes my career would be more advanced if I'd stuck at 2 (4 in 5 years but back everytime) but it's all a compromise and I'm very happy with my babies. Like you we have no support to hand and lifestyle compromised massively by childcare costs but 3 is absolutely fab. Everyone is quite negative and when we announced unplanned ds4 family were disapproving and there was an assumption that I should give up work - no chancegrin but like previous poster we're a really tight unit and I've given up caring what others think. You really won't regret 3 - it's fab. Can't believe your mum so unsupportivesad

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