DS is 8 months old. What are pros and cons of having another DC soon, or delaying it for 3 years?! :)(13 Posts)
Would love to know how some of you have got on with small age gap, and larger age gap please! :0
I have a 2 year age gap between my two ds, good bits are they are incredibly close, great friends, even choosing to play together at school! Though that might be partly to do with them both being boys and into the same stuff. It is hard work at the beginning, you can't rest when the baby is asleep like you can with your first.
My best friend has a 5 year age gap between dd2 and dd3 it's lovely because she is really able to enjoy dd3 as the older 2 are at school, though I do know she feels like she's been doing the baby and toddler thing for ages! Advantages to both I think, good luck!
mine are 2 years and a month appart
nappies out of the way at once
sleepless nights out of the way in one go
similar interests so when we go out for the day they both enjoy it
hand me down clothes not out of fashion
they play together rather than older one feeling responsible for the older one
there is five years between me and my sister and although both now in our 30s we are close, we definitely weren't when we were younger
friend of mine has 4 children ranging from 17-3 and she says it's like bringing up 2 families as what her 14/17 year olds like doing are suitable for her 3 year old and vice versa
I have a 2 year age gap (boy, then girl). Bad bits are: they argue about absolutely everything, all the time. If they're sharing something, they actually measure it in millimetres just to make sure one hasn't got a millimetre more. And so on. Good bits are: hard to recall at the moment. I suppose it's good (from my POV, anyway) that DD plays rough games rather than being prim and princessy.
Boy/girl with that age gap feels more like having twins to me, as DD is relatively mature and DS relatively immature.
Agree that it's easier to take them out for the day with a smaller age gap, as they're likely to both enjoy climbing trees, kicking one another, running around together and so on.
I have 2 years between my first 2 sons then 18 months between ds2 and ds3. There will be another 18m between ds3 and ds4- so 4 boys in just 5 years. It's full on BUT I do think I'm starting to see the benefits as ds1&2 are 5&3 and play together well. We can do the same activities easily, they can all go in the bath together etc. Were just in the baby/toddler zone really. I think gender being the same also helps a but but that bit is a bit undeterminable.
Are you going back to work? Most of the SAHMs that I know have a smaller gap to minimise the career break. Most of the WOHMs that I know have a larger gap so that they don't have to pay two lots of nursery fees at the same time.
We have a gap of just under 2 years. It would have been a bit smaller, but fate got in the way. (That's not something to ignore, by the way, if you're going to be in your late thirties in 3 year's time.) From my perspective, if you have a smaller gap, you front-load the pain. An older baby and a pregnancy; not easy (slight underestimate ). A toddler and a newborn; not easy (perhaps a bit more of an underestimate ). A preschooler and an older baby; slightly easier. A preschooler and a reception-age child; massively easier. The first year of DD2's life was a bit of a blur, to be honest, but the gap between them shrinks very quickly, and it is lovely to see them playing together and enjoying each other's company. Don't underestimate the first year though!
I went back to work between all of mine - 16 months, 11 months, 10 months and now about 7 months back. Ds1 just started school and I'm 38 weeks pregs now and 2 weeks left at work (ok, I am the office joke tbh and that does make me' feel a bit shit). I am also very poor as almost all my salary goes on childcare and life is manic.
3.5 years between mine, and I love it. DD1 is old enough to take herself to the loo/get herself a drink/generally get on with stuff and I can trust her not to do anything dangerous if I'm not watching her while I'm feeding DD2.
She adores her baby sister and is genuinely helpful. she was in pre school when DD2 was born so that gave me a bit of space when heavily pg and when DD2 arrived.
I can see the bonuses of having them closer though, from seeing friends coping it seems like v hard work for a couple of years with a close gap, then it's wonderful. a longer gap is easier to start with but you spend a lot longer in the baby phase.
My gaps are 19mths, 20mths and should be about 22mths - dd1 4, dd2 3, dd3 18m and dc4 planned to arrive end Jan. The gaps are hard work, the sleep deprivation massive, the glamour factor nonexistent. Have just had my v. glamourous 27 year old sister stay and I realise how I've let myself go... But all this has been done in my late 30s (am now 40) and there is never any guarantee when you'll get pregnant again. I'm glad their close, that my family is almost complete and that I can get back to work sooner rather than later. Sometimes gaps can't really be planned and your family just works around them, if that makes any sense. Good luck!
My gaps are 11 months, 3 years, 13 months. Currently have DD1 - 5, DS1 - 4, DS2 - 15 months, DD2 - 2 months.
Agree with lollystix - it is hard fitting in kids with small age gaps and work. I have gone back between mine, but with the 11 and 13 month gaps, went back pregnant, and only stayed about 4 months inbetween! I have just had to get used to the constant jokes and office banter....
On the plus point, with the smaller gaps, they are so close, and play brilliantly, so although the baby stage is hard work, once they get a little bit older they more or less entertain themselves.
The hardest thing I have found with our 4th baby is trying to get 2 very little ones out the door in the morning for the school run, which I obviously never had when my first 2 were small.
Good luck with whatever you decide works best for you!
Nearly 3 years between the first two and 4 years between DD2 and DD3. I found going from 1 to 2 really hard, prehaps the age gap? 2 to 3 was easy until dd3 hit 2 years. I would * never* want a smaller than 4 year gap again.
DD1 and DD2 do have some similar interests but do argue like cat and dog. Currently they both love there 2 year old sister bu then shes still dead cute!
i have 11 days shy of 2 years between dd and ds1 and 22 months between ds1 and ds2.
i like having a smaller gap, they play together well (and argue well!) and i've got the baby stage done in one go.
the trouble is i have dd in reception and ds1 in preschool in the afternoons. so i drop dd in the morning, ds at lunch and then pick them both up in the afternoon. i feel that i never have anytime between the school runs and the baby gets dragged here there and everywhere.
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