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I really want a LARGE family (7+) Anyone here have that many?

(28 Posts)
Xanthius Thu 15-Sep-11 17:04:13

I have two children already who are lovely but a part of me wants a much bigger family. I have a picture in my head of 7 plus children. I know it would be hard work but its something that I really want to do.

Has anyone got any advice?

buttonmoon78 Fri 16-Sep-11 10:25:37

Grow a thick skin grin

I'm happy with my 4.

juuule Fri 16-Sep-11 13:58:54

See how you feel after the next one....(and the next one?... and the next one?......).
Beware of 'just one more' hormonal syndrome wink
It is hard work.

StellaAndFries Fri 16-Sep-11 14:03:30

I have 4dd's and would have loved two more but dp's age, health, and lack of money have conspired against me grin However I have really got my work cut out with four and we've been very lucky to get four happy healthy children.

booyhoo Fri 16-Sep-11 14:05:53

you might love the idea of it, the reality is alot different. it is more than just 'hard work'. think of how more children will affect the children and realtionship with the chilren you alreay have.

slug Fri 16-Sep-11 15:01:35

Can you afford it? I'm one of a very large family (more than 7) and my childhood was not the idyllic happy family sterotype of the Waltons.

Be prepared to not be able to afford to give your children any advantages in life. Wave goodbye to holidays, university education, afterschool clubs, music lessons and sports. You won't be able to afford them. And don't make the mistake of paying for some of your children to attend and not others. This will be noted and the resentment stored. Train your children to expect never to have clothes bought new for them or to expect a room of their own. Be prepared for the fall out from this during adolescence (all those hormones in one room!!)

Be prepared for the fact your children may loathe each other and spend their entire lives fighting, bickering and relentlessly putting each other down. Accept that, with that many children, a spontaneous day out, by the time you've found 7 sets of shoes, coats, hair brushing, arguing with the older ones who don't want to go, dealt with the arguments of who sits where in the car (if you have one large enough) simply won't happen. Should you find an activity suitable for the entire spread of ages, don't think that you will enjoy it. You will spend your whole time chasing the smaller ones, chivvying the older ones and breaking up fights.

Sorry, don't want to be a downer about your plans, but the reality is usually a far cry from the wish. I grew up in a town with a large Catholic population where large families were the norm. I saw the same issues in all the big families. One of my friends had 4 sisters. When adolescence hit, they all synchronised their cycles and, with the family tendency to PMT, their house was a dangerous place to be one week in four. Knives would fly around the kitchen. Sharp ones.

Also be prepared for the large family to have a profound affect on your children. I get on with most of my siblings. There's only one I don't talk to. However, I live half way around the world from most of them and the ones who live in the UK I see once a year, on average. And that's the ones I actually like. All of us are the same. There's one brother who we hear from every 5 - 10 years. Again, not an unusual reaction as many of my friends from larger families act in a similar way.

A good indication of the affect of a large family upbringing is to look at the number of children people have afterwards. Of all of my siblings, only 3 of them have 3 children, the rest of us have one or two. And of those 3, I know that at least one of the children in each family wasn't planned.

Weirdly, I was having this conversation with my neighbour (a mother of 4) last night. Even with 4 she recognised a lot of the antics I was describing.

Xanthius Fri 16-Sep-11 16:14:33

I think your right and funnily enough I do have a Waltons view in my head! smile

I think its just that its been five years since my last I'm just very clucky at the mo!

slug Fri 16-Sep-11 16:29:58

Oh I totally understand that. One of the reasons I get on so well with my neighbour is she knows I'm always up for a bit of baby cuddling and I know she's always happy to let me take them off her hands for a while. wink

grumpypants Fri 16-Sep-11 16:34:41

We have four, and I would love another one! We have managed to go on holiday - extremely expensive to do any traditional hotel/ villa type things tho - we haven't done that for ages.

At the moment, the kids all have someone to play with. The room sharing is more a nightmare for me - they play together and won't sleep.

It's not like the Waltons, but I couldn't imagine what on earth I would do with all the extra time I would have to devote to just one - it would be like the most helicoptered child in the world!

CODwidow Fri 16-Sep-11 16:37:09

Hi, I have 4 ds's and am now pg with my 5th and I love it but be prepared for the stares and comments because they can be hurtful. I do agree there is only so much money to go round and it's hard work to spread your time around but I can honestly say I love it! Xxsmile

tallulah Fri 16-Sep-11 17:06:13

slug talks sense, but a good indication of the affect of a large family upbringing is to look at the number of children people have afterwards. can also be applied to smaller families.

I am the eldest of 2. I have seen my brother ( who lives about 1.5 hours away) twice in the last 3 years, and both of those were engineered by my mother. Prior to that I hadn't seen him for about 6 years.

We have 5 children. He has one. What does that say about the perfect nuclear family?

dottyaboutstripes Fri 16-Sep-11 17:20:19

Have plenty of sex grin

MUM2BLESS Fri 16-Sep-11 19:18:45

Its interesting that you want 7 plus kids. I am one of seven. Had a childhood which was fun as well as challenging. We did not have lots of material stuff as parents gave us what they could afford. Sometimes we went without things which others had. We grew up probaly quicker than those within smaller families. Older ones looking after younger ones.

My dad I believe was one of 11 or 13 children. Three sets of twins.

I have four kids. I childmind seven. Yes lots of kids in my house.

I think its harder finanically for us today as everythings money. I would not have 7 as I think its important to be able to give my four the best we can afford.

How does your other other half feel? Is he happy with your plan?

Its a personal decsion that only you two can make.

What about transport for the family when you have seven. You may get someone joining in who has seven plus kids but their situation may be different to yours.

How old are your two children?

Xanthius Sat 17-Sep-11 15:52:10

Money wise I would be OK I think. you make children as expensive as you want. I was just looking at Boden's website and it gave me cold sweats (£35 for a childs jumper?!) if you know how to shop then you are OK. We both work at the moment I would have to either stop completly or do a couple of hours a night (I work in a supermarket).

Would have to get a new car or should I say van!

I was the youngest of three, don't really have any contact with my siblings. My mother died earlier this year and she was the only member of the family that phoned, arranged to visit (I live in a different city from family) ect, my Dad hasn't seen my children for over 18 months. So I think I really want a large family of my own and I would really try hard to make it a happy family where we all love each other.

My DH family lives abroad which is really hard for us, they are lovely (make mine look crap) we are going to move there as soon as we have enough funds.

DH is one of 5, the eldest, and would love to have more.

DD is 7 and DS is 5.

juuule Sat 17-Sep-11 16:10:46

"you make children as expensive as you want"

I've found this is true to a point.
However, it can depend on your child's choice of friends to an extent and how willing you are for them to be the ones seen to do without and the child's personality in needing to 'fit in'.

booyhoo Sat 17-Sep-11 16:15:51

if you are moving abroad, how would that affect your finances? also bear in mind that even if youdont move, there are massive cuts being made in the uk and no doubt more to come. you say children areas expensive as youmake them,not necessarily. you will at some point have 7 pairs of school uniforms and shoes and coats to buy, 7 haircuts, 7 sets of xmas presents, 7 birthdays a year, 7 bellies to feed, 7 beds, 7 duvets and duvet sets, what about spare bedding for accidents,school trips? the list goeson and on. the necessities for children al add up. i only have 2 dc, thankfully only 1 at school right now and i am struggling. children aren't cheap no matter how much you try to scrimp and save.

juuule Sat 17-Sep-11 16:18:55

"children aren't cheap no matter how much you try to scrimp and save."

I agree.

SingingSands Sat 17-Sep-11 16:26:15

I have a friend who is one of 14 siblings. She only keeps in touch with one sister. There is no guarantee that all your children will love each other. Too many different personalities!

I also think, like a previous poster, that you cannot underestimate the effect of having more children on the children you have already. Another baby, and another, and another will affect family dynamics. It's not just the little ones who need endless attention - it is my experience that children in their teens need just as much, if not more, love and patience than the toddlers. Can you imagine dealing with a house full of teenagers? Blimey!

booyhoo Sat 17-Sep-11 16:28:53

can i just also add OP that it comesacross inyour posts that you are tringto replace the family closeness that you dont seem to have. i understand this very much but we all know we cant live through our children and whilst a large, close family maybewhat you want, it maynot be benefical to your children.

Ripeberry Sat 17-Sep-11 16:37:37

WHY? WHY? WHY? It's not Victorian Britain and not a third world country. How on earth would you put them through college and don't forget, they will be under your feet until they are almost 40yrs old as they won't be able to get housing.
Bad enough thinking about that happening with two children, let alone 7 +!

juuule Sat 17-Sep-11 16:39:09

"It's not Victorian Britain and not a third world country."hmm

largeginandtonic Sat 17-Sep-11 16:54:00

Wotcha Juuule smile

I think like Juuule says take it one at a time. You never know how you will feel after the next baby. They are all so different.

It is hard work. I personally, love it. It is a busy household but very close. Everybody looks out out for each other.

juuule Sat 17-Sep-11 17:24:14

Largeginandtonic grin

Xanthius Sat 17-Sep-11 19:11:04

I think your right....when we had the first two I didn't have to agonise over the decision like I am now. I think that in itself should tell me I'm living in LaLa land.

A large part of this is me wanting to give my children the childhood I didn't have. I can still do that with two.

I've just had a crap year thats all! sad Having more children will not make it better.

BarbieLovesKen Sat 17-Sep-11 23:18:58

Aw you poor thing. I understand what you're trying to do.

In all honesty, by your own admission, you are slightly living in la la land,

I never got people who say things like this - you have 2 now. 3 might be more than enough for you. You can't say how you'll cope your that you want x amount of children until you have the number before.

My childless cousin for instance tells me she wants at least 4 hmm. I've told her to have one first. Equally my bil told me after his first that he wanted at least 5. Number two broke that idea and they both say that's definitely it for them - he's having the snip.

I have 3. We love it. We've decided we're coping well and would live a fourth. I can't say if that's it or not. Will have to see what number 4 brings (if we're lucky enough obviously).

For the minute, if I were you, I'd focus on a number 3. See how you both feel after that.

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