Assumptions about larger families

[Haribojoe]

Am currently 11 weeks pg with DC4. Planned and much wanted pregnancy, and have always been very open about the fact that DH and I would loe to have 4 children.

Now that I am at the stage where we are telling people about the baby I find myself feeling embarrased about the assumptions they will make about us because we've got a larger than average family.

Proven last night during conversation with a friend, I mentioned a family across the road with 5 DC to which my friend replied "bet they don't work"

Just wondered if anyone has felt the same and any tips to deal with it. I want to really enjoy sharing my news with people as I'm thrilled but I can't get over this concern of what people maybe thinking/assuming about our family/situation.

[margerykemp]

I would just assume that you loved kids!

[cornsylk]

I would also assume that you love kids.

[Soothe]

Congratulations!!!!! I am paranoid about criticism of any kind and work myself into the ground to ensure people can't iyswim. I think people like to puck fault .... But as I said I'm paranoid!!!!!
Don't get me started on the number of dads scenario. Only yesterday someone asked dp about his stepson. He has five sons none of them step!!

[Haribojoe]

Thanks, my new mantra is I love kids!

[Wallace]

Lots of people will assume you don't have a television!

[juneau]

I would think you were mad as I couldn't imagine having that many kids, but I would also assume you loved having kids and perhaps relished the chaos they bring. I am one of five myself and know how lovely a big family can be, for the kids anyway

[allhailtheaubergine]

I think the "bet they don't work" comment is more a prejudice about families on benefits than families with lots of children.

[BarbieLovesKen]

Oh I worry about this too! We've 3 at the minute but are pretty sure we'll eventually try for a fourth (not anytime soon though, as number 2 is 19 months and number 3 is 12 weeks).

Fwiw, I'd just assume you really loved children and would be secretly a bit jealous..

Congratulations btw!

[whenIgetto3]

We get it all the time, even had someone ask how many fathers my DCs had once when out with a friend and her 3 . Comments of bet they all have different dads and she is on benefit as a single mum. My DH is forces and as such can be away for 6 months at a time so I do look like a single mum some times .

We also get lots of comments about how good they all are, how lovely they are to each other, how nice a family we have etc etc. I would say focus on the positive for us we just said that with DH being forces we move a lot and I always want my DC to have built in friends

Congratulations :)

[4kidsnobump]

We have 4 - just! (no.4 is 4 weeks!) We get the 'haven't you got a TV' one all the time - and why is it that people always think they are being so original?!

DH and I both work and personally I have got to the point that I don't care what people think any more. I also always wanted 4 kids and still feel a little sad that this will definately be our last baby

Congratulations - 4 is a good number!

[imip]

Like you, I have been very clear about wanting four. When I was preg with dd3, lots of people cast some rude comments towards me, and I was concerned this time around (preg with dc4) about comments. However, I have been delighted by the comments generally - how wonderful to have a lovely family etc etc. I live in inner London and lots of mums have only one (and I know it is not by choice but by age, infertility etc) and they have really been encouraging. I know one dad who won't talk about the pregnancy as he thinks by having three I automatically created a mental health problem for my lovely middle child (wtf!). So far so, I have been delightfully surprised. If I had a pound for everytime I've been told I am brave, I'd be buying us all some pretty fancy cocktails. I think my comments are more a refelction of the age gap than no of children. dd1 is 4.10. Good Luck!

[Claire129]

omg i am in the same frame of mind at the mo, i am so scared of what to tell people and think I wil be judged. I work part time and my dh works full time and we live in a nice 3 bedroom house and I worry I wil be judged as work shy and a sponger. I love my kids and am so worried about others that i forget what me an dmy family want, congratulations and I hope these lovely comments left by others have lifted your spirits coz they have lifted mine :)

[lollystix]

Claire - no point worrying now what others think. Ds4 is imminent (having pains as I type here) and I'm supposed to be at work today. Ds1 is only just 5. I work 4 days and so I'm constantly reminded by my colleagues how 'odd' I am. Ok ds4 wasn't planned and I openly tell them this now in response to the constant 'are you mad, how are you going to afford it, haven't you got a telly?' crap I get all day. I'm also not in a great house situation - a city centre flat with unofficially not enough bedrooms and this causes much consternation for colleagues and my family. I also constantly get asked if I'm planning on coming back and get the sense they assume i wont be (6m mat leave planned). So I have now resolved to ignore, ignore, ignore as there is little I can do about what others think- it used to upset me' but as my pregnancy has gone on I've learnt to stop caring so much.

[DawnOfTheDeementedDead]

I'm 20wks with DC5. I keep getting asked if we have no tele, to which i reply

'Well, of course we have, we just prefer having rampant sex of an evening, is all'

Shuts them right up...

[harrygracejessica]

Im always being asked if we hae a tele as we have 5 at the eldest was 4 year and 1 month!!! We have 2 sets of twins so not really my fault we have so many lol - more luck :-)

[tah2]

Many congratulations!

Why do people always say such thoughtless things? I have 3 dd's and had lots of comments about tv's or just assuming i was trying for a ds. I would love more children but am put off by what people think. I work full time and have a good job, as does dh but i fear the judging would get me down.

Dont listen to negative comments. You obviously are a caring person with lots of love to go around

[ChocolateIsAFoodGroup]

Why are people so thoughtless?! It is lovely that you have lots of kids! I am hugely jealous (trying desperately to convince DH that we should go for DC3 at the moment!) I would really love four, but I know that if I get my DC3 that will have to be it for us (should I hope for twins?!) [hyseterical cackling...]

Seriously, I think it's great... and every time I meet a mum with 3/4 whatever, I say 'that's fab, how lovely for you!'

[starryeyedsuprise]

I get this a lot, it's so annoying :( I have 4 kids under 8 and would like a fifth. I am sick of the comments from people about Don't you have a t.v, Are all your kids with the same dad, And even down to the midwives I had throughout my pregnancy - they (and many people since) comment - Oh, two girls and two boys, how nice you can stop now :-/

[claireinmodena]

I am currentlh pregnant with twins, and have two dds already, I get all sots of resctions, some are actually nice, mostly they if it was planned (pregnancy, yes; twins, obviously not), and iften I get a poor you response or how on earth arr uou going to cope, you'll have uour hands full, blah blah blah.
This is all people who obviously finc children hard work anc a hassle, I actually really enjoy my dds company and I've slways wanted three.

I really resent peole projecting their feelings and opinions on me!!!

[Elly31]

I've got four boys 2 1/2 - 6yrs. I make the joke about contraception before others do. That aside I say SOD anyone who is critical. I usually find that people who are negative about your life choices tend to have issues about their own. Four kids is great. Hard work but great. DH and I are surrounded by noise and chaos but lots and lots of love. We are the lucky ones.

[xkatyx]

Perfect come back to the tele comment "do u not have a tele" "yes we just choose to watch porn" :) shuts them up everytime.

We have 5dc last set twins (4 weeks)

I get all the comments I just ignore them most of the time, but some people are so rude.

[AteAWholePacketOfBiccys]

We get the tv comment too.
Someone also said 'bloody hell, your husbands only to to look at you and you get pregnant' when we announced baby number 5 was on the way.
Didn't bother explaining in graphic detail how it actually happened

[Notthefullshilling]

On a serious note, this is the result of all the DM and other tabloid demonising of people on benefits especially single mothers. It has been pushed so hard that larger families are the sole domain of "feckless" families who only have kids to claim more benefit, bigger houses, get 60 billion inch tellys, and be the scourge of the neighbourhood.

Perhaps if people were more alert to being manipulated then the vast majority of people would just be families and not problems.

[AteAWholePacketOfBiccys]

Our tele is old. Older than me. And tiny!

[mum6mum]

hello ! so glad i found this chat topic ! thought i was mad , well other mumnetters ( nutters ) did !
im a very proud mum to 6 and im trying for our 7th ! (take a deep breath and wait for the are you mad comment)
my DH WORKS !!
WE OWN OUR OWN HOME
WERE MARRIED
AND THERE ALL HIS !
thats how i start every new consversation with new people
i made the big mistake of posting that i wanted 7 children on the pregnancy page and have had nothing ( well 99% ) bad comments :(
big families are GREAT , but with each child you get less congrates and more OH nO's :(
be proud ladies , and congrates !