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Lone parent AND larger family. Is there a place for this?

(19 Posts)
florence123 Fri 19-Aug-11 11:01:26

Hi all
I've frequently visited the lone parents board over the last couple of years and the larger families board. But I was wondering if there was somewhere for those who are raising larger families on their own.
I would really appreciate being able to talk to people in a similar situation to myself (lone parent, 5 children, no family around, no other outside help, no support from exh, no car/money and so on).
Each day is becoming more and more unbearable.
Thanks in advance for any suggestions.
P.s. The is no gingerbread/lone parents support groups in my area. The nearest one is too far for me to get to without a car or by public transport.

florence123 Sun 21-Aug-11 10:29:34

My suspicions have been confirmed. A shame there is no support for lone parents of larger families.

elastamum Sun 21-Aug-11 10:33:38

Hi Florence. I expect you are not alone. Maybe post in lone parent? There are all sorts of LP's over there and it is a great place for support smile

prettypinkchristmastree Mon 29-Aug-11 23:26:04

i am a lone parent with 4 kids similar situ to urself would be lovely to chat to you op to chat to soeoe in the same boat.xx

NasalCoffeeEnema Mon 29-Aug-11 23:31:09

I know you are not alone because I have read other threads by people in your situation. LP may be better for specific lone parenty type things but if not just rant away on here there will be someone to listen to you

CardyMow Mon 29-Aug-11 23:36:11

I am an LP with 4 dc - 2 have SN. DC are DD 13.5yo (SN), DS1 9.4yo (NT), DS2 7.10yo (SN), DS3 7mo (NT as far as I know). No family help, Ex-p total idiot, going mad now - summer hols are too long this year.

Tortoise Mon 29-Aug-11 23:40:31

Another lp with 4 dc here.
Mine are ds1 14, ds2 11, dd1 8 and dd2 7.
DS's dad is involved with them and has them every friday night to saturday night.
DD's dad was abusive and violent to my DS1 so dd's have very little contact with him and only via contact centre.
No family locally at all (parents moved to Turkey with my youngest brother and my other brother is in Sweden!) and i never have a night without DD's. Get very little break from them other than when they are at school.

grovvymum Wed 31-Aug-11 00:09:24

Well we should all get together and have a chat on here.Lone parent of 4 here 9, 6, and dts 3.

CardyMow Wed 31-Aug-11 11:41:08

DD has seen her father once in 13.5yrs (this summer, he's finally grown up!!). She's next seeing him when she goes up to Scotland in October half term.

DS1 sees his Dad quite a bit - overnight every Wednesday, From 3pm Friday to 9am Monday every other weekend, and half of ALL school holidays.

DS2 & DS3 See their Dad for a few hours on Tuesday evening and Thursday evening one week, then DS2 stays with him from 10am Sat to 6pm Sun every other weekend (DS3 too little, 7mo and ebf). The following week, they see him for a few hours on a Tuesday evening, then he has DS3 from 12-2pm on a Thursday, and DS2 fom 3pm-6pm the same day.

<<All gets a bit complicated, my access arrangements - think I need a PA!>>

My only 'break' is the 2 hrs a fortnight when Ex-P has DS3 from 12-2. Have any of you wandered over to the large families thread in chat?

florence123 Sat 03-Sep-11 22:36:32

Wow, thanks so much to everyone who has posted. Whilst i don't wish this situation on anyone - it is good to see i am not alone. You guys all seem to have your faur share of challenges that's for sure.
Ever since my ex left i've been on the look out for otheres in a similar situation ... I had assumed they had all been carted off by men in white coats already (as i often fear i will be one day!).

So, how are you all bearing up as we near the end of the hols? My brood have been very uderstanding to my financial predicament over the summer - they know i just cant do the things i want to with them. Having no car is a major factor in this area also.

One question.... How many of you get 'ad hoc' help from your ex with one off payments for things like uniform? Nearly passed out in clarks the other day when i saw how much the 'back to school' shoe bill was. Ex won't contribute. Pffffff!


CardyMow Sat 03-Sep-11 23:28:39

DD's dad...actually put £50 in my bank for uniform. Was the VERY FIRST maintenance payment. In 13.5yrs. <<Faint>>

DS1's dad - Ahahahahaha not blooming likely, not a penny.

DS2 & DS3's dad - Is going to buy DS2 his new coat soon, didn't need shoes (had new at Easter when Ex-p and I were still together), already got hand-me-down uniform from DS1, but needs some jumpers (at £14 each from the school) that I will have to pay for as DS1 has lost ALL but one in that size - and the one he didn't lose was the one with the chewed sleeve. hmm. Why do they only ever lose the 'good' uniform, never the bits that would be more at home on a scarecrow??!!

Tortoise Sat 03-Sep-11 23:37:33

DS1 and DS2s bought their shoes and gave me £50 to help pay uniform but only after I asked him as their uniform and equipment cost over £150!

I never get any money from DD1 and DD2s dad. Not a penny!

florence123 Sun 04-Sep-11 13:04:01

Ah, loudlass, how true! My 6yo DD particularly likes to take her new school sweatshirts into school and the 'exchange' them for one that has chewed sleeves or has somehow been massacred in the art room hmm.

They are usually labelled, but I think some of the parents of the kids that take home my childs sweater cut out dont notice the name label in them!

florence123 Sun 04-Sep-11 13:08:37

A question for you guys. Do your children share rooms? I am fortunate to have a 4 bedroom house but with 5dc it means that i still have 2 x 2 girls sharing (ds has the tiny room on his own).

We would all desperately love to move nearer to family (the children don't feel there is anything here for them) but being on IS means i cannot get a mortgage and would have to buy something really teeny with the equity (assuming ex doesn't try to stop me moving ... We are not yet divorced). So - potentially we could end up 3 or 4 children to a room!

Tortoise Sun 04-Sep-11 13:12:02

My 2 DDs share a room and DSs have a room each. Which means I have a sofa bed in the living room! Not ideal but small 3 bedroom house and they really couldn't share any longer. I'm looking into mutual exchange as am in housing association house.

CardyMow Sun 04-Sep-11 23:14:51

Right now I am in what is supposedly a 3-bed (tiny) Housing association house. Though the council classes it as a 2.5 bed as the third bedroom is supposed to be a nursery bedroom. I am on the waiting list for a 4-bed council place.

Ds1 (9yo) and Ds2 (7yo) share the largest bedroom, Ds3 (7mo) and I share the middle bedroom, and DD (13yo) has the tiny room. That the council says was too small for her over 3 years ago. I am hoping to get a 4 bed WITH a dining room (that I'll turn into an extra bedroom) so that the older two boys don't have to share, as Ds1 is very very tidy, and Ds2 is like a human tornado, and it's causing so many arguments.

My council says that I need a room, DD needs a room, DS1 & DS2 can share a room, and DS3 will need his own room once he is 1yo, hence needing a 4-bed.

It wouldn't be so bad - but the largest room in my tiny house is only classed as suitable for the two boys to share until Ds1 turns 10yo next April - It's only 10x11 feet.

I'm 15th on the list at the moment, but will get extra priority in January when DS3 turns 1yo, then extra priority again in April once DS1 is 10yo. Just playing the waiting game, and hoping I get one with a dining room.

CardyMow Sun 04-Sep-11 23:17:03

I've just realised that my two older DS's are sharing a space, that if halved, would be smaller than a prison cell for each of them. And I wonder why they are always having argument. hmm. My bedroom is only 9X10feet, and DD's is 5.5X8feet.

mathanxiety Sun 18-Sep-11 08:23:12

Hello, may I join?

Have 5 DCs but the oldest two are now off at university and hopefully will be self sufficient soon. The youngest three are with me and visit exH against their wishes every second weekend. I am obliged to pay for half of the university fees plus the whole school bill for private school for those still in primary (parish school) -- two still there but one will be finished at the end of this year. Down to one set of fees next year therefore.

I get no help for anything like uniforms, shoes, school supplies, school books, etc., but exH is supposed to pay half for extra curricular activities. I hate arguing with him so rarely present him with any sort of bill for anything unless it's something large that would be ridiculously expensive for me. TBH, I would prefer not to have to discuss expenses with exH as he is a controlling sort of personality to put it mildly, and would insist on taking part in the shopping which the DDs would hate more than going without, or would nickel and dime me to death if I sent him a bill.

I pay for food, rent, insurance, half of any medical bills or prescriptions not covered. The DCs have had odd jobs since they got old enough to babysit or do garden or odd job work (age 12ish) and have been able to buy most of their own clothes by shopping at sales and cheap places. They have received some fantastic gift vouchers from relatives for birthdays and Christmas too. I buy a winter jacket or coat and gym shoes for school for them, and welcome all castoffs from anyone who wants to give theirs to me. They all wear handmedowns from each other too. DD2 recently discovered the joy of second hand shops and got herself some lovely items for very little.

mathanxiety Sun 18-Sep-11 08:35:50

We had me and the three girls sharing a bedroom until DS moved off to uni and now DD3 and I share a room while DD2 and DD4 share the other room. When DS and DD1 come home for Christmas I have no idea what we'll do. Maybe move DD1 in with DDs 2 and 4, and move myself and DD3 to the fold out couch. I would love to get rid of the couch as it has seen better days aplenty but maybe not until after Christmas.

A friend of mine works as a TA in the school and got a nice sweatshirt for DD3 last year out of the Lost and Found. It had gone unclaimed since the second week of school She nabbed it on the last day, before all the Lost and Found things were sent to charity. I can't understand how a parent wouldn't miss a sweatshirt like that but their loss is my DD's gain.. School does a uniform exchange at the end of the year where you don't even have to donate anything, just go through what's there and take whatever you need, and I have taken advantage of that every year. I donate old uniforms.

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