two under 3 - how long should i wait to start the 3rd one?

[tostaky]

I have 16 months between my two and that wasn't a piece of cake everyday...
I really want a third (and final) baby but i dont know how long to wait..
I am scared of a big age gap, yet i feel i should wait until DS is at school (and he is a november baby - so 2013)
And i am going to be 35 in a few months...
should i start ttc now or wait until DS1 is at school to make my life easier?
and is my life going to be that easier because DS1 is at school, or is it going to be the same as having him at nursery?

questions, questions, decisiobs, decisions...

[cera1980]

I have 5, DD 1998, DD2 2000, DS 2003, DD3 2004 and DS2 2007. Once you get past 2 it gets easier :o

[thisisyesterday]

i would wait

i have 2yrs 10 months between ds1 and ds2, and 19 months between ds2 and ds3

if i was doing it over again i'd have had bigger gaps between all of them.
there are good points as well as bad. but right now i simply do not feel like I have the time/patience to be able to give all of them what they need.

[harrygracejessica]

Hmmm I have 15 months between Ds1 and twin girls then the twin girls were 2.5 when I had twin boys so I had 5 kids in 4 years and 1 month. The only bit I find hard is the getting up to be ready for the school run as eldest is at nursery. I'm def more tired this time I know that much!!

[cherub59]

I have 17 months between ds1 and ds2 then 23 months to ds3 so 3 years 4 months between them all. Wierdly I have found 3 easier than when I adjusted to 2! Probably because ds1 and ds2 can entertain each other! They also share a room and nap together. I think going to 2 kids is the hardest move... Thereafter u have done it before so it's easy! We are thinking about having another and ds3 is only 4 months!

I think a 2 year gap has been easier than 16 months tho!

I am 37 so I don't think 35 is old!!

[cherub59]

harrygracejessica wow!! You are a superwoman!

[tostaky]

I have started my folic acid tablets. Meant to be taken 3 months before TTCing that is end of Oct, and I am fertile the last week of October? so the earliest I could have a baby would be July 2012!!! (it took only one month of TTC-ing for DS1 and DS2)
Of course that is if everything goes to plan? fingers crossed!!!

Say I have an August 2012 baby that will be 2.5 gap between DS2 and new baby and 3.9 with DS1 - it should be ok although DS1 wont start school before Sept 2013 as he is a november baby...
should I wait longer?

[MovingAndScared]

DS1 will be in pre school though then - 2.5 gap can sometimes be a tricky one

[tostaky]

Why 2.5 gap can be tricky?

[ragged]

Any gap can be tricky, imho!
There's no ideal, there are too many factors. Not healthy for Mum to have them too close together, but easier if they are all into the same sorts of things (approx. same developmental stage) at the same time. More exhausting in short run to have close together, but you get back to work sooner. A house full of teens is bewildering (& expensive), but at least they can look out for each other & you don't spend long in the PFB stage. Big gap = ready babysitter; little gap = can share clothes. And so on.

[MovingAndScared]

I just think under 2 they don't remember - hard work for parents as 2 in nappies, over 3 they are through terrible 2s and normally at pre-school etc- and I have know a couple of 2.5 gaps that didn't go that well - but it depends on the children of course

[tostaky]

what's the PFB stage?

The main reason I want a small gap is I am woried they don?t get on with one another if they cannot share the same toys/game/hobbies? I have 5 years b/w my brother and myself and we are total opposite, My DP has 7 years between his first brother and 9 between his second bro and they are very different too.#
I guess what I am thriving for is the ideal image of a happy family with children who share the same interests and get on well, go through the same stage roughly at the same moments and lead similar life? maybe I am too idealistic but I do know some family where the children all work in the same field and go to see each other often etc? I, on the other hand , have a totally different life as my little brother and I never see him apart at my parents. We don?t share anything, when we were smaller we always argued. Sometimes I feel like I am a single child? and of course, I do not want this for my children.
Having a small gap is not a 100% sure way to have that ideal family but I feel it would contribute towards it. I am willing to endure all the hard work that it will brings, to get more wrinkles and jeopardise my career in the hope they will all grow up united. Am I crazy?

It is the same with having a boy or a girl, a girl would be lovely, but in my quest to the ideal family, I really would be happy to have a 3rd boy so they will be more likely to share interests?

Am I unreasonable or is there no harm in trying to "frame" as much as I can my boys' destiny?

[cherub59]

I think what you are "planning" sounds lovely. My 3 are all boys. Eldest two are 3 and 2 and play together fantastically and both adore the 4 month old.

I however have 2 brothers who are 6 and 8 years older than me and we are incredibly close. I think it's more how you are as a family than the age gap!

[tostaky]

Thank you Cherub - I guess you are right and it does depends a lot on family dynamics and individual personalities?

I am a bit worried about having a little girl who feels left out by her two big bro? but maybe I should focus on the positives? im such a worrier!

[feckwit]

i found the smaller gaps easier as the children were into similar things...

[ragged]

pfb = a MN acronym, Precious First Born. It's a state of mind that is excessively (annoyingly, unrealistically) proactive & protective about your first-born. Sometimes evaporates with the birth of 2nd, sometimes doesn't!

[loler]

you can't plan for them to like each other - there's a 13 year gap between me and baby sister - we're very close, she helps me with dc and they are also more close to her than they would be if she was married with a family of her own (more likely if she was closer in age to me). DH is close in age to his siblings and they all fight like cat and dog. - I agree it's how the family as a whole functions that determines how siblings get along.

I've got 3 dc (4, 6 and 8) - if I was doing it again I would definitely have bigger gaps, not huge gaps but enough for me to recover from one baby before becoming pg with the next, so that I can enjoy the baby bit. I think that 3 dc is much much harder than 2 dc, not when they are babies but as they get older - splitting myself 3 ways, with a DH who works away is very tiring and a ruddy hard slog!

[tostaky]

ragged - def evaporated with the birth of DS2 in my case!!!

loler - i can wait an extra year but not too long because im getting old!!! i dont want to be 60 when they will be 20... and i know what you mean about enjoying the baby bit... sometimes i feel like i didnt make the most of DS2 baby days...
Maybe i should wait for DS1 to start school so DS2 will be in pre-school and i will have more time for baby3... (or is my time going to be filled with endless washing...?!!!)

[loler]

with 3 dc they'll be endless washing whenever! 35 isn't old

[porcupine11]

tostaky, I have two DSs (16 months and 35 months) and just found out I'm pregnant with DC3. I share your rationale (happy family v close, to play together) and your thoughts on whether I would like DC3 to be a boy or girl!

I was trying to have DC3 before DS2 turned 2, but it took a while to get pregnant. If everything goes ok (fingers crossed) DS2 will be just over 2 when DC3 comes along, and hopefully not into the 'terrible twos'.

So far the biggest problem I anticipate is that typing all these acronyms is going to make my head explode!

Anyway come what may, it could take a while to get pregnant so I think it makes sense to start trying as soon as you get the urge for the third...

[lollystix]

I have ds1 and 2 with exactly 2 years then 19 months between ds2 and 3 and will then have 18 months with ds3 and 4 when he arrives in a few weeks. I didn't find the move to 3 hard - was kind of in the toddler and baby zone so not too phased about impending ds4. Only thing crippling us is the childcare as until very recently had 3 in nursery 4 days and was working for nothing. Going to have a further 2 tees of that. It's lots of fun though except exceptionally loud and chaotic.