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career/job vs more children advice please!!!!

(4 Posts)
hunnibunni Tue 28-Jun-11 21:21:35

I don't know if this is where I should be posting but I wanted some advice from mums of larger families as I hope to be joining you one day and thought that your advice/experience would be helpful.

I'm 24 and in my final year at uni (graduate in Jan 2012) I currently have 2 children (4yr old ds and 1 yr old dd) my main dilemma is that I want to start trying for baby no3 and possibly no4 soon after depending on how things go, but worry that this will put me at a disadvantage for any future jobs I apply for.

My degree is in sociology (from a low rated uni) so there is no specific job that I will be immediately qualified for, alongside the fact that I have no relevant work experience and was hoping to work in the public sector means that any immediate job opportunities in this area are close to none, especially without further studying or training. (Which would be difficult as I can't afford childcare if I'm not working full time).

So I just wanted some advice as to what people think I should do (have a baby or look for a job) as well some views on what worked best for others in regards to having a large family and future work opportunities.

Thanks for taking the time to read this
hunni b x

trouble2plus2 Tue 28-Jun-11 22:22:00

I have just completed a masters with four children. Youngest two are twins (5 months) which I had once I'd finished all the major work and submitted my thesis.

I had first child during BA degree, second child when complete and then started work full-time in crap, low paid job at the council. Your employability with graduate employers often depends on how close you live to major cities, and how flexible you are with where you work. i.e if you are able to re-locate, and frequently. Graduate jobs near me are very rare, and I feel I am already at a disadvantage because of my family commitments.

i quit said crap job, and went to do a masters, which was paid for and in another town (so i wasn't on campus very much as you can imagine). Then I had twins. Anyway, my options are now severley limited, mainly because of all the time I have spent out of career, and bearing children has meant we are fully reliant on my husbands secure job and have no chance of moving anywhere else. My job opportunities are severly limited. I currently do not work and in all honesty, have stopped looking. When I had just the two children, working full-time was just about possible logistically, but barely worth it financially. With four, for now at least, working is nigh on impossible. This might change as they get older, so take a long term view of it all.

It's a balance - the more kids you have the longer you are putting off your return to the workforce, and the less attractive you will be to employers (even if they can't admit legally that having family commitments puts them off). So some people would just chuck it for a bad job and have more kids, I know I have. I will concentrate on them for now and look for a job later. I have lived to work, so it's taken me a long time to be at peace with my decision, but really I've found you can't have a big family and a good career, even with a good degree (I've got a first class, and a masters), and even if people are chucking offers at you.

As for you - I would look into career options seriously before I made any decisions. Then if you find that work is limited at the moment, it might be a good time to have more children, though I feel that if you really wanted more kids, you'd just do it unquestionably.

hunnibunni Tue 28-Jun-11 22:50:48

Thank you so much trouble2plus2 I really appreciate you telling me your experience and giving such helpful advice I'm sorry things have been so hard for you. I live in London so although there are more jobs but the competition is very fierce so your right in saying that I really have to look ahead and think about what I want to do.

I'm so torn because I feel like my heart wants more children and I would get pregnant tomorrow if I could (but can't due to implant) but at the same time my heads telling me to get a job and give the children I already have the best life I can as it will be a lot harder with 2 more and pressure on my dp to provide for us all especially as he is hoping to go self-employed next year (although he says he doesn't mind)

We decided that I should take the implant out once I pass my driving test (2nd one booked for september as I failed first time) so hopefully October we'll start trying but i keep changing my mind on a daily basis I'm just so torn.

coffeeaddict Mon 11-Jul-11 14:23:22

You are so young! What about: at least see if you can get career going, then have two more a bit later? I had two, then a seven year gap, meanwhile forged ahead with career, then had two more. You really enjoy the babies later on, too.

But if now is not the time to be job-hunting, maybe do breeding instead...smile

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