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when to go for number 2? and 3 and 4...

(9 Posts)
Loooopy Wed 15-Dec-10 22:02:13

DS is 6 weeks, born by EMCS cat 1. Pregnancy ok, only sick twice triggered by brushing teeth, SPD in last 2 months, and general tiredness and sore lower back/pelvis area. I have a higher BMI. I fell pregnant literally the first time we did the deed after coming off the pill.

I always wanted 4 children, turned 34 in October, and so conscious of the issues as i approach 35 and beyond.

Doctors have said i might be ok with a VBAC, but they said about 30% chance i will need another CS.

On maternity allowance (am self-emp), and if had another baby now, would not need to go back to work to be eligible for a second claim.

So, am wondering when to try for number 2 - thoughts are prompted by impending post-op doctors appt next week and knowing that she will want to raise the issue of contraception.

DP knows i want more and close together and we have a pram that allows this, but haven't exactly discussed when to try for number 2.

Not sure how i would cope with DS if i had to have another CS but not sure i would cope any better or worse no matter what the age gap. Feel like if we leave too big a gap, they won't have as close a relationship and that the longer we leave it, the more fertility and abnormalities may become an issue. But also aware that looking after DS is all-consuming and not sure what would have happened if i already had a toddler, especially if i had to have a CS. (and also based on when we have DC2, working out when to have DC3 and DC4)

Just hoping someone on here can identify with my situation and can give opinions from the point of view of having "been there, done that".

thanks !

CrystalTits Wed 15-Dec-10 22:07:37

I normally go for number 2 after breakfast.

Hope that helps

CherryTheRedNosedMonster Wed 15-Dec-10 22:47:30

i had ds2 25 months after ds1. then dd1 when ds2 was 3yrs and 9 months, and dd2 when dd1 was 11.5 months. i am however younger than you, about to turn 30 and ds1 is nearly 12. i found going from one to two hard, then from two to three hard because of the age gap and going from boys to a girl. the easiest jump was from 3-4, but the pregnancy was really hard as i had severe spd, on crutches from 18 weeks and dd1 couldnt walk. she didnt start walking till nearly 18 months when dd2 was 5 months, then dd2 walked 6 months later at 11 months.

3kidsnobump Thu 16-Dec-10 08:44:29

Well i currently have 3: DD - 4.5, DS1 - 3.5, DS2 - 5 months.

We only had 11 months between the oldest 2, and although it is hard work with 2 so young, it is also fab as they get older. TBH I have actually found the 3 year gap with DS2 harder, and would probably have liked it to be less, but due to work commitments we couldn't really have made it work!

I also always wanted 4,so we thought we may as well get on with it and are currently ttc no.4! I'm probably biased but think having the kids close together is fab, although obviously hard work, and we rarely get nights out any more!

girlfromdownsouth Thu 16-Dec-10 11:49:54

There are 19months between DD and DS, so fell pg when DD was 10mths after 3/4 mths of TTC (was breastfeeding so acted like a contraceptive).

It was hard work at the beginning but very rewarding as they are best of friends. I find that they have the same interests and abilities so it easy to keep them occupied, and when they were little, you change one nappy you change two, you feed one, you feed two, makes no difference between one and two when you are in the baby stage. BTW they are 7 & 8 now and still best mates.

Personally I loved having 2 under the age of 2.

Haribojoe Thu 16-Dec-10 12:28:10

Have got 3DS 5, 3 and 14 weeks, 2 3/4 year gap each time.

Always imagined I wanted smaller age gaps but in reality the slightly larger gaps have meant that I've coped a lot better.

For me I find it easier to manage when I've only got one in nappies,don't need double buggy etc.

However I can also see/feel the drawback which is that you have to go back to the baby stage all over again IFSWIM.

DS 1&2 get along well and do play together and they both think their new baby is fantastic.

Have already given thought to number 4 and althoug shorter age gap is attractive think I will try for the same again.

tostaky Mon 20-Dec-10 21:42:03

the advice is to wait for a year after a c-section before TTC.. I waited 7 months and had a succesful vbac. however i had very bad spd in my second pregnancy as my body didnt have the time to recover fully (had slight spd with first)
DS2 is 8.5 months and Im waiting a few more months before trying for DC3... my body is NOT in good shape!!

good luck

chocolatebuttontheif Fri 24-Dec-10 23:34:04

Hi I can't offer much advice as I haven't been in your situation.

I only have one DS (at the moment) but always wanted at least 3. DS is now 2.6 and we have only just started ttc #2. deciding to try for another took us a very long time due to a genetic condition.

I just want to urge you not to leave it too long, it is my biggest regret that DS will now be at least 3.3 when we have another!

MuffinMouse Tue 28-Dec-10 11:14:20

I had 23 months between DD1 and DS2. I wouldn't have enjoyed a smaller gap. The gap is great. I can take them to the same activities and they are even in the same swimming class etc. I also found that I needed a year to recover fully. I had a cs.

I think it is easier for parents when the gap is 2.5yrs plus, but perhaps not as positive for the DCs (as they are further apart in age).

The other thing I found is that DC2 was very needy and there was absolutely no way I could have had another until he was at least 3yrs. I am now pg with DC3 and the age gap will be 4.5. I would have had a smaller gap but to be honest, I am really looking forward to having the baby at home while the older ones are at school. I really enjoyed being able to focus on one baby the first time. I am now 39 and will be having a 3rd cs. Although I always wanted four, I don't think I am physically up to it. I was resonably fit before this pg. Bit overweight - BMI 27. I found that being pg at 33 was totally different to being pg at 39. I am more tired, I have more pg symptoms, other children to look after, and I had to deal with high risk results etc.

Others may have different thoughts but I would guestimate that having a second at 36 (2 yr gap) might be about right and then reappraise how you both feel re more. Hope this comes across as balanced and not too negative. It's just that I started at a similar point, and had to adapt it a bit (3 not 4 - with a bigger gap than I wanted).

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