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How to deal with 'you must be mad' comments....

(24 Posts)
PermaShattered Fri 03-Dec-10 21:01:28

Oh goody! How chuffed am I find a talk topic on larger families!

I'm expecting our 4th in March and have so many mixed feelings. Not about the baby itself - it was planned! - but I've had the expected 'your mad' 'where are going to put it?!' etc. And me being me, i say, yes, i must be mad! When I know I'm not...

And there's the work issue. I'm a very successful professional, working freelance (well known in my field) so - despite the fact that I'm busier than I've ever been - it will have to take a back step for a while, and I'm worrying about recovering my great contacts later on.... but then it was my choice...

Anyway, I'm just unsure about how to deal with the comments about 'being mad' etc...

RuthChan Fri 03-Dec-10 21:06:11

Congratulations!!!
Just tell people that the baby was planned and that you are delighted to be expecting again.
People will soon keep their cheeky comments to themselves when they realise that they are completely out of order.

spidookly Fri 03-Dec-10 21:09:12

Laugh, it's only a joke.

Nobody really thinks having 4 children is mad, they are just saying "wow, it's going to be so full on and brilliant!"

If you were having your 21st they might mean it. With 4 it's just a thing to say that shows they're impressed at your fecundity and ability to cope.

LittleYellowTeapot Fri 03-Dec-10 21:19:58

If anyone says that to me I just smile sweetly and say "I'm very lucky"

smile Congratulations!

thell Fri 03-Dec-10 21:28:36

Ooh, Teapot, that's a great response smile

PositiveAttitude Fri 03-Dec-10 21:31:34

Congratulations!

I just agree with them!! grin (mum to 5 dc, less than 6 years between eldest and youngest)

RuthChan Sat 04-Dec-10 15:09:06

PositiveAttitude:

Wow!!!! That's impressive!
You're a stronger woman than me! grin

juuule Sat 04-Dec-10 15:14:50

These days I just nod and say something like 'you are probably right' and I do think they probably are rightwink

PositiveAttitude Sat 04-Dec-10 17:58:05

RuthChan - No, I am just mad!! grin

PermaShattered Sat 04-Dec-10 18:20:41

great sense of humour you lot! Actually, the one person who I thought really would say 'you're mad' said 'you're lucky, I'm so jealous'. Yes, I'm lucky and I thank God for these wonderful little blessings.

Thanks to you all x

zipzap456 Sat 04-Dec-10 20:27:34

Hi, I just smile and say they're ace and i love them to bits

sarahbuff Mon 06-Dec-10 13:31:48

Perma, if I had £1 for every time I'd heard "My, you have your hands full!"... grin DC's are 5.5, 4.5, 2.5 and 2 weeks. I do agree that the comments can be annoying sometimes, when your children are behaving, you're not struggling to cope with them, and you clearly intended to have this many (one guy said to me recently, have you found out what's causing it yet??). In general, I laugh and play along with the joke, but it can be a little offensive depending on how that particular person says it. Once my SIL asked me (when visiting us to see newborn DC3), "When is your next one, then?" A pretty obnoxious joke to make to a woman who has JUST been through labour and birth again, but instead of getting irritated I said "Oh, a few months or so..." with a straight face, and suddenly she didn't have anything to laugh about! wink

ohforfoxsake Mon 06-Dec-10 13:34:29

I liked to reply with,

"Oh My GOD! YOU ARE SO RIGHT! WHAT HAVE I DONE?? WHY DIDN'T I THINK??"

and then cry, if possible.

wink

ronshar Mon 06-Dec-10 13:39:01

Congratulations.
I have three and always say to people that you have to be slightly mad to have more than one child smile

However if you dont like it then just turn around and retort "well, we are planning to have 7, so we have a way to go yet" That should shut them up in a nice way!

iwastooearlytobeayummymummy Tue 07-Dec-10 23:48:04

sarahbuff beat me to it! just smile sweetly and claim your £1.00!

Mine are now partially grown with 2 flown the nest,away studying, but this weekend all 4 were together again and the energy, laughter, love and enjoyment in each others'company blew me away!

What nobody ever told me was the sheer joy in watching your older children fall head over heels in love with the babies and how much they contribute to each others lives!

CONGRATULATIONS!

mumof2girls2boys Wed 08-Dec-10 19:47:27

I turn round and say 1 to 2 was the hardest 3 or more well just makes for more help around the house, easy really. Then ask if any of them have a 8 year old DS who can change a nappy, because wow he is gonna make a great husband some day

ragged Thu 09-Dec-10 06:12:09

"Yes, completely bonkers, I have my own special room in the local looney bin."
That shuts them up wink.

mamatomany Thu 09-Dec-10 10:10:05

I have 4 and I have to say i agree with them, it is madness, fun though.

MUM2BLESS Fri 10-Dec-10 19:00:52

Hi I have four too. Do not let what other people say bother you. Some perhaps wish you had more.

Enjoy them.

perpetuallypregnant Wed 15-Dec-10 23:37:06

I'm pregnant with my 5th and have to say I have had very few negative comments and the ones I did have were said in a very jokey way.

I was really worried but most people have been lovely and told me how lucky I am.

Enjoy it, my house is never quiet but I love it that way and Christmas is just amazing.

heymango Thu 23-Dec-10 21:47:39

I have 4 DCs and get the 'you're mad' comment a lot. I usually reply with 'I'm very lucky/I drink lots of wine/if I wasn't before I certainly am now'.

If anyone ever upsets me with comments like that, I generally think that there is a reason for it i.e they couldn't have DCs or not as many as they would have liked. One mum at school commented that it must have been awful being pregnant so much in the last few years, and she couldn't have put up with it - turns out she wanted a huge family, but couldn't conceive again after her DS2.

Congratulations - 4 is fab!

fidelma Fri 24-Dec-10 22:50:01

Full on but wonderful.

rudolpherina Tue 28-Dec-10 11:55:06

I just say 'sure who would want a quiet house, how boring!'

mehimandthekids Thu 30-Dec-10 00:15:49

We are expecting no.5 in 3mths, and we always get these comments, its very tiresome!
"you must be mad", "do you live in a shoe","get a tv","dont sit on her/his chair, drink from her/his cup, hold her/his hand","have you figured out where they come from","pop em out like peas/shelling peas" The list goes on and on! we dont think there are any we havnt heard yet!
We have been together 16years,married for 10, and each baby has been wanted and planned.We just say its only one more plate/bed/seat and xmas's are great!Sometimes its hurtful when people dont just say congrats instead, but i think you get tough to it,smile and walk off!
Any way,
HUGE CONGRATS!!

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