4DCs?? Tell me everything!

[mummysmadhouse]

Hi all thread title says it all really.

Just interested in know ing about life with four?

All different circumstances..big house, small house, planned unplanned, good income/not so good??

Basically how do you cope?

I have 3dcs eldest4 youngest 8mth...and awaiting period

The thoguht of a fourth scares the hell out of me..dispite feeling it may be more balanced and dh could get the snip without me thinknig what if? But Dh announced today that he is actually quite excited about the thought of me being preg I am prob not as im still Bf so periods are prob all over but now he has got me thinking.

A couple of weeks ago i thought i was done having babies as i have found the step to three very tough tbh.

Cant help thinking that maybe our quality of life will be better with three?? As we would be more likely to afford family days out etc and the children can still do extras like swimming lessons etc?? We are about to extend our 3bed to a generous 4bed so no more sharing roomms etc which would all change with four then theres the car!

Anyway im waffling now...just after my dh has hinted at wanted a fourth im feel thoughtful and curious!

[emy72]

We have 4, similar age gap to yours. Our youngest is now 14 months and our eldest will be 6 end of December..

I have to say that I found n.4 very hard work - she is a wonderful baby, really good and tbh had no problems with her, but last year I had 3 children under 4 at home almost killed me, I was shattered all the time.

I had good days and bad days but things are a bit better now that the older two are at school and DS2 at preschool, and nights are not as broken.

Having said all that, I love having a family of 4, they all interact really well and I wouldn't change them for the world!!!

[mummysmadhouse]

Well we always said we would like four..but when i had dc3..i started to think that 3 was enough as ive found it hard work.

But now im starting to think of four again...maybe its because dc3 is 8mth and things seem to be getting slightly easier.

Its a hard one as i kind of feel like if we have a fourth it would be better sooner rather than later as they are all close already..dont want it to seem like 3 plus one..if that makes any sense!

[mummysmadhouse]

bump

[MUM2BLESS]

I have four 14,12 9 and 6 (b,b,g,b)

Always wanted four. At first wanted four boys, but I am so happy that I also had a girl also.

I am one of seven myself. My dad I think was one of thirteen.

We give out kids what we can afford, regardless of what their friends may have. Believe me kids can brag.

I am a childminder with five children on my books.

To be honest it has not always been easy especially when I had the youngest two but you learn and keep learning. My hubbby is really bril as he takes time out for the kids and cooks, cleans, shops etc. I also do my share too.

My experience may be so different to yours.

I would not change the amount of kids I have if I could.

Sometimes its not the material things that kids need but your time and attention. Now and then we have family meetings where address whatever, its a time to encourage the kids in what they are doing well. They get a change to also say what is on their minds also.

Three is not much different to four. My daughter would have loved a sister as the boys do boyish things sometimes.

We get the kids to help us with chores etc.

Hope that helps!!

[MentalFloss]

I also have 4, DS1 17, DD1 14, DS2 11, DD2 4

I guess the step up to DC4 wasn't as bad for me because I had the other 3 at school by then.

We are lucky that we have managed to afford a 5 bed house so no room sharing and we have two seven seater cars so that is not too bad.

Our kids may not have as much materially as they might have done but the sibling company is invaluable.

In the end it is all about organisation and everyone pitching in a bit.

The hardest point was definitely when DS2 was born because DD1 was very ill and my DH was still doing his lawyer training so was working ridiculous 12 - 13 hour days!

We got through it with organisation and realising that as long as the kids were fed, watered, loved and cared for then a slightly messy bedroom for example didn't really matter.

HTH!!

[mummysmadhouse]

Thanks ladies..Mmmm still none the wiser..i was sure i was done when i had no3

Now i feel our family would be alot more balanced long term with four..i watch dd1&2 palying so well then look at ds and think it would be nice to have another soon...a lady that lives in our village has four close ages gaps and says its much better than 3 and they play so well often pairing up.

But we get by at the moment but things may be strained with another esp as it would delay me working for alot longer and we would need a bigger car!

[CherryPie3]

I'm afraid I probably wont be any help as I'm in a similar situation to yourself being that I would like to fall pg with a 4th in the next year(ish). My children are 5y (girl) 4y (boy) and 5m (boy)

Theres just 15months between dc1+2 so I feel that because they are so close my little ds2 will be somewhat left behind in a couple of years - I'd love him to have a playmate so he's not on his own.



All this sounds like great but dh doesnn't really want anymore and wants to get a vasectomy . Will be sad if he does ever get it. I'm hoping the doctor will refuse as dh is only 23 (I'm 25) but with dh already having 3 children I think thats unlikely.


Sorry to offload on your thread - just relate to it so much!!

xxxxx

[mummysmadhouse]

Ithink 4 would be great for the children But im not sure if i would cope...

Im 26 next month so still young i do somedays wish i was leading a life that involved more me time being as i am young, something i would get back in a couple of yrs if i stop now.

DH IS 36 so he doesnt want to have more children later down the line.

CHERRY - Out of interest which was the harder age gap..i have 21mth betwenn dc1&2 then 24mth between 2&3...i thinking in someways the colser the gap maybe the easier as dc3 would be less aware of it!?! Or am i just mad?

Ultimately i think 3yr plus is easiest but i think that would be too long for us..with working etc

[mummysmadhouse]

Im thinking like really mad...like a 16mth gap!

So in a few years they will all be at similar stages not miles apart for example arranging activities in the summer etc

[CherryPie3]

I found the 15 month age gap more difficult while they were little but it's definitely worth it they're so close, I love it :) - although I would advise you find a good double pushchair as I found it a nightmare with my 1 in front 1 behind. A p+t would've fixed that tho :)

The 4yr age gap between 2+3 has definitely been easier and less physically demanding cos I didn't have to chase a toddler around as well as being preggers.
Alsofab too for now because dd and ds1 are able to help me with ds2 (passing me babywash, nappies etc) so they feel very grown up and important :)

[CherryPie3]

ANd like you said there, the children are so close that theres no difference in activities, day trips etc.

[sweetkitty]

I have 4 6yo DD1, 5yo DD2, 2 1/2yo DD3 and 7mo DS.

Oh it's hard hard work just now, DS isn't really a sleeper, all DD1 and 2 seem to do is fight and DD3 is definitely in the terrible twos.

We were planning to extend but it looks like we will have to move house next year (eek!)

Car is a nightmare, we have a 7 seater Citreon C8 drives like a van. We have 2 at school just now which helps a bit but getting them all ready and out (even with DH helping) is hard work.

On the plus side 4 does seem more balanced, they are all fab and wouldn't change it for the world.

[fidelma]

Hi I have 4. dd1 10, dd2 8, ds5,ds2 14 months.

I found 2 to 3 easy but 3 to 4 has been hard.Perhaps because I had left all that baby stuff behind. However I love having 4 and feel complete.

We have a large house and a big car so plenty of space.I also have help in the house.Which gives me time to spend with the dc.

I found the 3 year age gap the best.

[AuntGertrude]

We have four - 18, 17, 15 and 12. Would really recommend a 2 yr gap. The most difficult period with four is when they're older - if you end up with a teen who is difficult, that can have a major effect on the others, and you have to balance how they handle their sib's behaviour and attitude with their own development and also help to maintain a good relationship with each other still. Also in the teens, they're observant of how you treat each one of them and what minor rules get differentiated as each one grows up. And generally you can be exhausted when they're all in the throes of public examinations year after year if they're close together.

Ours get on really well and have a variety of good and balanced friendships.

[mummysmadhouse]

Good point re exams etc auntgertrude I find trying to do homework with dd1 and the other tow around a challenge now..and she only started school this sept lol

So you would def say things get harder and harder?? I get alot of parents telling me to enjoy these years as they are the best and its sooo hard when they are older