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DP has asked me to invest £££; in his/our house - but its complicated. Advice please!

(20 Posts)
iwantone Mon 26-Oct-09 13:38:04

My partner - with whom I am shortly expecting our first child - is doing up his house (or our house as he says). I moved in with him last year, we have been together just two years, it is his house, his mortgage, in his name etc and he pays the mortgage. Since I moved in I pay a few hundred pounds on bills and food but he will support me while on maternity leave and bringing up our child until I I go back to work.
He is financing a big refurb on the property with money left to him by his father. But he is around £40k short.
I have £35k in the bank from selling my house last year after my previous relationship failed. That money was the deposit on my flat and was given to me by my father - I feel lucky to have gotten it back after house prices plummeted in the recession. It's now sat in a bank not doing much but is my only financial security. I own nothing, and have no pension etc.
He was going to simply go to the bank for it but is now asking whether I would consider loaning him the money or investing it in the house with a legal agreement to protect me. He - not unreasonably - feels he's putting in everything to us, and that the house is for us a family, and that comes with all the shared costs/risks that go with that.
I don't know what to do but feel uncomfortable since I have already been burnt once, and do not have the protection of marriage. My parents feel that as we are not married, DP is not fully committed to me (he says we will get married in future, and I want to very much which he knows, but he has not asked me). Therefore I think they will advise against this.
One person has advised me to consider a "second charge" on his mortgage... so I would put the monies into the house. When we came to sell I would get those monies back. But that depends on there being enough equity in the house, and that he agrees to sell/we are able to sell down the line.

spookyrookie Mon 26-Oct-09 13:43:41

Like you I would be very cautious about such an investment as even if you take a charge on the property,if you ever need the money back then as you say you are tied into the property being sold or him being able to increase the mortgage.

On the other hand I can see from his point of view that it would be odd to borrow the funds when you have the money available and I can see how it would be perceived as a lack of trust.

If he isn't ready to go down the marriage route, which personally I find a bit odd seeing you are already pregnant which is a lifetime commitment, then worth visiting a solicitor to see how best to draw up some sort of arrangement.

fluffles Mon 26-Oct-09 13:44:33

it's relatively easy to get a legal document that will give you your £35k back or a share in the equity of the house or similar (whatever you decide really) and it can be triggered by either party wanting to sell.

i know of many people who have gone down this route with friends they are not romantically involved with in order to share ownership of a property.

i can't see any problem with you doing this. it seems reasonable to me.

sickofsocalledexperts Mon 26-Oct-09 13:47:14

I bought into my partner's house once and we did a Transfer of equity, so the house went from being in his sole name to our two joint names. I insisted on this as I didn't want to be just his tenant. You are right though that when our relationship failed (not that I'm saying yours will) he refused to sell up and I couldn't force it. However, I refused to let him transfer back into single name until he gave me a notional share of the equity - so I walked away with £10k. You will need a lawyer to draw up a T of E, but I think it's only fair that if you put cash in, you part-own the house. Hope that helps.

Hassled Mon 26-Oct-09 13:48:15

You need some independent legal advice - maybe one solution would be to get your name added to the deeds, and remortgage the house together? You're right to be cautious, but I can also sort of see his POV. There has to be a way to protect both your interests.

crokky Mon 26-Oct-09 13:57:24

Here's my opinion, although when I got together with DH, both of us were young and had nothing so I don't have any personal experience.

Not sure of the value of his house or how much equity he has in it, but if I was in this situation, I'd give the £35k to him in return for my name being put on the deeds - ie shared (50/50) ownership. I'm sure that £35k is not actually enough to buy 50% of this property, but if he wants to marry you etc etc, then you need to function as a single unit and pool resources IMHO. This shows commitment on both sides I think.

I would also want to be getting married as well. You want to get married and hopefully he wants to as well.

I think your parents are right in a way - I would not like to be having someone's baby, contributing to the household (financially and/or in terms of stuff being done - ie looking after children/housework etc) and have nothing to show for it - no marriage, no name on property.

fluffles has said she knows plenty of people who are not romantically involved taking charges etc - IMO that's how the arrangement should be used. You and your man, however, are supposed to be life partners so you need to share everything.

lou031205 Mon 26-Oct-09 14:00:58

So your having a baby together and feel that your relationship is strong enough for that, he will support you fully during maternity leave, but you are worried about £35k? I personally think that you are either together or you aren't. Why don't you ask him to put the house in both your names and then give the £35k.

iwantone Mon 26-Oct-09 17:13:59

Thank you all for your invaluable advice. It's a tricky one! I'm only trying to be practical and unemotional about this. I have every hope for this relationship working and that we do get married but, was I engaged once before and my ex ended that out of the blue. I nearly lost everything, had to sell up and was lucky just to get my deposit money back. This partner is obv different but for some reason will only ask/get married on his terms and, me being so pregnant, am paranoid. If it was up to me we'd go to a registry office tomorrow and do it. But he feels under pressure, I guess from me and my family.

llaregguBOO Mon 26-Oct-09 17:20:24

Have you posted previously about your partner's desire to get married on his own terms? Are you the one who said you'd pressured your DP into IVF/having a baby? If you are then I'd strongly recommend legal advice before parting with any money.

mathanxiety Mon 26-Oct-09 17:22:41

No commitment, no money. He is actually obliged to support his child -- it's not a favour he's doing for you. And if he thinks he's doing a huge favour by supporting you through your maternity leave, he's not really marriage material imo. If he was recovering from some major medical condition, I'm sure you would support him too. This question is a touchstone for your relationship. He wants to have his cake and eat it too.

iwantone Fri 30-Oct-09 13:39:40

No that wasn't me posting about IVF...

DuelingFanjo Fri 30-Oct-09 13:49:45

I would be cautious but I wouldn't say no outright. So long as you have some kind of legal agreement it should be fine.

I would say though that you should make sure that you get a percentage of the sale price back rather than just your £35,000 - you want the money to be an investment then that should be reflected in the documentation.

I bought a house and put down about £35,000 deposit and my agreement with my ex said I should get back 40% of the sale price plus half of the rest. It was essential when we did split as he tried to get half the house.

dittany Fri 30-Oct-09 13:51:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dittany Fri 30-Oct-09 13:53:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DuelingFanjo Fri 30-Oct-09 13:59:17

You might be right Dittany - both our names were on the mortgage so with the legal agreement and the fact that both our names were on the mortgage I walked away with my original 40% investment and half of the other 30. My ex didn't have a legal leg to stand on when he tried to take half the equity.

So I revise my advice and would suggest the OP get put onto the mortgage. If he won't agree to this then she really should see a solicitor to see if that £35,000 can be protected in the event of a break-up.

dittany Fri 30-Oct-09 14:03:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilovemydogandmrobama Fri 30-Oct-09 14:05:42

I'd get my name on the deeds. There are 2 types of ownership, joint tenancy and tenants in common. Joint tenancy essentially is where both own the house equally, and tenants in common is where it's possible to attribute equitable interest.

It depends on how much equity he has in the house, and what it's worth.

Make it official; get a surveyor to value it and then decide, but don't just lend him the money.

ilovemydogandmrobama Fri 30-Oct-09 14:06:49

x cross posts with Dittany. smile

ABatDead Fri 30-Oct-09 14:14:29

crokky - I totally agree with you. Frankly the DP should offer a 50% share of the house if the OP puts £35k in is having his child.

How much equity is there in the house?

dittany Fri 30-Oct-09 14:44:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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