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FFS. Just TRY to understand . It is the ONLY option left for me....I do not appreciate your un-funny comments

(26 Posts)
ilikecooking Sun 21-Jul-13 20:30:45

General rant - feel free to ignore.

To my mother....You have seen me grieve for decades. Just STOP banging on about wanting twins for grandchildren. I would be the happiest person alive to successfully carry to term just ONE child.

To my brother....You ALSO have witnessed me grieve for the fact I will never know what a little version of me & DH will be like. Your (alleged) "joke" about him/her coming out & speaking Spanish IS NOT funny in the slightest.

To my Dad...I am NOT "just the carrier" We have not undergone IVF for decades just to "carry" a child that biologically will not be related to you.

To my Aunt...I am NOT the surrogate. If this works successfully, I AM his/her Mummy. Surrogates do a fantastic job, however, DH & I are doing this BECAUSE IT'S THE ONLY FUCKING OPTION WE HAVE LEFT.

UNDERSTOOD??? angry sad angry sad angry sad angry sadangry

DameFanny Sun 21-Jul-13 20:33:10

Oh how rubbish they're being. I hope this works out for you. thanks

libertine73 Sun 21-Jul-13 20:33:48

Hey ilike rant away love, they seem to be very insensitive, I really hope it works out for you, are you starting IVF soon?

SwishSwoshSwoosh Sun 21-Jul-13 20:34:45

So sorry you are getting these comments, must be really hard to deal with.

Could you cut back a bit on seeing them so you have more energy to focus on you and your DH at this important time?

flowers for you

ilikecooking Sun 21-Jul-13 20:42:29

I started the thread to do with "Running out of tears" a while back on this section. Thanks to everyone who helped me through that - I got a lot of posts. x

Just remembered my MIL's reaction when I told her today. She commented "Oh look, there's Debbie with her new dog".

Oh well that's alright then, her world's a perfect place.

The little bubba is wanted by me & DH SO much...been trying for about 17 years I think. Not even a blood test came free on the NHS for the initial referral. That's how much we want this.

Next round starts tomorrow with a trip to Spain for donor egg & donor sperm early Sep if my body behaves itself.

*The poor little thing doesn't have a hope, does it? There is already so much bias & racism against him/her & she hasn't even been made yet. All because of other people prejudices. We haven't been through enough*confused

Posters - Thankyou for being around. thanks I need to take a painkiller, my head is thumping.

Dejected Sun 21-Jul-13 20:46:53

Good luck with the next round flowers
I hope it all works out for you and your family will feel ashamed of their insensitivity.

Carolra Sun 21-Jul-13 20:51:59

Good luck with your donors. I donated eggs a while back, we chose not to tell most people we know because folks can be so judgemental. As a donor, I gave someone a couple of cells which they would hopefully turn into a person. I did 2 weeks of work for their lifetime of parenting!!

You are not a surrogate, you are taking a couple of cells and hopefully becoming a mum at the end of it. Wishing you all the best, when your baby finally appears, these connects people are makings will probably all evaporate, they just can't get their heads around it now.

Good luck, wishing you all the best.

Carolra Sun 21-Jul-13 20:54:15

*comments, not connects. Sorry!

lozster Mon 22-Jul-13 00:19:29

Oh my goodness! What a crew!

Surround yourself with supportive people only. If the real world doesn't contain any then go virtual at fertility friends - loads of people in your position.

If its a shred of comfort I told no one about my ivf for exactly this reason as I intended to go to de if my own eggs failed and didn't anticipate support. I guess you could tell them a fib to shut them up (now and in the event of a Positive) maybe say the Spanish clinic had a new treatment that uses your own eggs?

You have my sympathy anyway. Good luck.

Snazzyenjoyingsummer Mon 22-Jul-13 00:27:33

Blimey, could they be any less supportive? Sorry that you have so many people around you with their feet permanently in their mouths. Can you back off from seeing them at least for a bit as swish suggested? Otherwise I would suggest 'That has made me feel really upset' when someone comes out with a crass comment.

Hope your trip tomorrow goes well and best of luck to you.

CountryCob Mon 29-Jul-13 17:03:09

Poor you xx wishing you lots of luck in Spain, my Dad is a pain in the arse too wants a Grandchild possibly to make up for often being a very crappy dad/ to make his life meaningful, you are more than a carrier forget them, I personally don't tell me dad anything he doesn't know we have been trying for years, despite that jems include offering to pay for the test to find out how many eggs I have left out of the blue as had heard it on the radio when I was 31, like he was doing me a favour and entitled to the information to a public statement that he thought I was 25% of the way to wanting to have a kid when I was looking after my beautiful niece it might not be healthy advice but if they are being so crap maybe don't tell them as much? Feel free to ignore the advice just what works for me, best of luck xx

resipsa Tue 30-Jul-13 16:51:10

I know your story and wish you both the very best of luck. Ignore thoughtless comments from anyone who had not walked in these shoes. When they are holding your DC in their arms, they will fall on love regardless. You are brave.

Trazzletoes Tue 30-Jul-13 16:57:45

Oh ilike wishing you so very much the best of luck.

Another one here wishing you all the luck in the world. People can be ridiculously hurtful x

DoudousDoor Tue 30-Jul-13 17:31:08

I hope all goes well for you.

I would also second (or third) stepping away from your family if they can't be supportive during this time. You should not be having to defend your decisions - they are personal to you and your DH.

delilahbelle Tue 30-Jul-13 21:30:35

ilike best of luck, I've had one round of DEgg treatment in Spain (sadly ectopic) and am going back in the Autumn for a FET. The moment I saw the embryos on the screen they were my children.

Kikibee Tue 30-Jul-13 21:33:34

The little bubba has every chance, it will obviously be a very welcome and wanted child, it is about the baby and the parents.

Good luck, I so ope it works for you flowers

Kikibee Tue 30-Jul-13 21:34:01

Hope not ope obviously smile

curlyLJ Mon 05-Aug-13 20:17:07

I really hope this works out for you, it's a hard enough journey as it is, but when you don't have the support from your nearest and dearest it must be horrendous. Just do what you need to do, it's your's and DH's decision so just ignore, ignore, ignore if you can.

I find that people don't often know what to say though, when it comes to IVF/infertility and so they say stupid things. One of my closest friends complained to me that she had 'only bloody gotten pg in the first month trying' like it was such a pain for her and she knows damn well we have spent close to £30K on IVF treatment angry

hels71 Tue 06-Aug-13 19:45:12

I will keep all my fingers and toes crossed for you! Some people just don't stop to think.....(I would add a flower thing here if I knew how to!!!)

ilikecooking Tue 06-Aug-13 20:37:11

Op here!

Thankyou to each of you individually for your support.

I've just had enough. sad

MIL has asked me 3 times in 24 hours what our plans are for Christmas....yet she knows that...

a) Our very 1st preg + result (after 2 decades of trying at a cost of 10s of thousands of pounds) which led to miscarriage means our Christmas Day isn't going to be what we wanted....s/he was due that day sad

b) I don't how I will feel emotionally knowing what should have been

c) If this Nov round of IVF doesn't work then I won't even be pregnant at Christmas, let alone be holding the little one that we were supposed to be meeting for the first time

d) If it does work I may be suffering from morning sickness.

People just don't get it. Because she doesn't like the answer I give her which is "Stop bullying me" she doesn't like it so then asks again angry

She is SO passive aggressive because she asks so nicely in front of everyone making herself look good.

Permission to feel sorry for myself please.

Snazzyenjoyingsummer Tue 06-Aug-13 21:02:50

Permission granted. I would consider saying 'I don't know' in a fairly aggressive way - think Samuel L Jackson saying 'Say 'what' again. I dare you!' - and glaring at her. Fingers crossed for success for you.

Dejected Wed 07-Aug-13 00:03:03

Permission most definitely granted. My fingers are crossed for you.

It's a shame these people aren't supporting you as they should be.

CountryCob Thu 08-Aug-13 12:56:20

Another permission here I second the don't know xx

ArkadyRose Thu 08-Aug-13 13:08:13

Another permission here! Maybe next time say "I don't know - but every time I get asked I'm swinging closer to 'staying quietly home with NO UNSUPPORTIVE VISITORS'." With a pointed glare.

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