Have NC for this as it’s very personal and I have paranoia about it being linked back to any of my other posts. Have posted regularly on this board before and was unsure whether to post here or in Relationships but I thought I might get a more understanding audience here.
DH and I have been married for nearly 10 years. Of that, 8 have been spent TTC unsuccessfully including surgeries and several unsuccessful rounds of IVF.
I’m starting to come to terms with a child free life. My career has really taken off over the past few years which helps. Where DH and I differ is that he desperately wants to move out of London closer to his home town (>250 miles away) or another town closer.
I know the two aren’t totally linked but if I am to have a child free future I’d rather live the London life, live somewhere we’d never be able to afford with kids, enjoy good meals out, theatre, holidays and time with friends. I don’t have much going for me outside of London but if we had been successful having kids I would be much more open to it as I would have an identity as a parent and a network through that. I worry I would feel very lonely and unfulfilled if I left.
The fertility problems are all mine, DH is fine and this is eating away at me. He said the classic phrase of “I think we want different things” last night which has caused a crushing anxiety since. I constantly feel inadequate that I can’t give him the family life he (and we) so desperately craved. I have tried to move on and focus on the next best thing - a child free life to the max - but I feel like there is a huge wedge between us and I really don’t know what to do.
Sorry for the long post, I’m just feeling terrible and needed to get it off my chest. Any views welcome.
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Worried about my marriage and the future
16 replies
Sadandsadder · 22/05/2020 14:09
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