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Wedding or ivf

(12 Posts)
littlebitleaveit Sat 16-May-20 19:36:09

Hi ladies. In a nutshell my fiancé and I have been trying for a baby for three years now. We have seen a fertility specialist who confirms after various tests that there is nothing wrong, having said that after my hycosy 4 months ago, was told that if it was to happen naturally it would more than likely be in the three months after the procedure. Obviously it hasn't happened..
on another note, we were due to get married in July which has been cancelled due to covid ( gutted but this can't be helped) we are not a well off family by any stretch and saved our buts off for the wedding, we're so excited and it was great to take our minds off ttc. We decided to get our money back and will re book once covid is over for short notice. However I have suggested we use the money for ivf ( I am extremely lucky to have a child already and my fiancé is an amazing step dad) being wed means ALOT to us both and I can't wait to call him my husband. I just can't get the idea out of my head that we could use the money on this. However I'm only 28 so I know we have time on our hands and did initially agree we would wait for ivf untill I'm 30. I'd be so sad to let my close friends and family down and not have the wedding especially if the treatment didn't work anyway. May I add that I have just came on so feeling emotional anyway so am I maybe thinking too deep? Any thoughts will be greatly appreciated and I'm sorry to rant x

thefishthatcouldwish Sat 16-May-20 20:01:51

It has to be a joint decision but for me ivf over a wedding but had tests?

ChatWithMe Sat 16-May-20 20:18:50

IVF! Wedding is sentimental and legal. A baby is a beautiful little person. IVF not guaranteed but you can't have a wedding now so go for IVF! :-D

ivfgottostaypositive Sat 16-May-20 20:44:52

If you were 35 I'd say IVF but at 28 I'd say wedding

A 5 year loan to cover the cost of IVF costs about £275 a month (for £13k) which as you will know is a lot less than most people's childcare bills or the cost of giving up a salary to be a stay at home parent so in a year or two after the wedding take out a loan....

You could go through the emotional upheaval of IVF only to end up with nothing - no baby and no wedding.

drcb83 Sun 17-May-20 22:15:28

We will be doing the same smile Small wedding of the allowed (hopefully) 10 peeps in Sept then IVF in Oct. I am 37 so need to crack on!! Good luck and love smile

Lockdown12 Sun 17-May-20 22:23:17

It's a difficult one, I think I would pick IVF though, you have a time limit on IVF but not on a wedding. You can always save up and have the wedding after!

physicskate Mon 18-May-20 08:01:23

Another vote for ivf. A wedding is a single day and the money's gone. Ivf is at least a few weeks and could be a lifetime. You don't know how many cycles you need and they learn more about the process on you the more cycles you do.

Wotsits4357542 Mon 18-May-20 10:48:26

I’d say ivf me and my other half had the same predicament and we chose the ivf. Fortunately our only free nhs round worked and I am currently pregnant. We still saved and have the money as backup though. I wouldn’t wait till your 30 either, I’m 29 now and started ttc when I was 23. Thought everything was normal at my end but I had an amh and although it wasn’t abnormal it was lower than expected for my age and I’m glad we did the ivf when we did. It’s odviously a decision for you both to make. But my advise is the ivf x

Mrbay Mon 18-May-20 15:39:11

I think you could do both - depends how much money you want to spend on your wedding - which is basically a meal and a party, its the extras that cost the money.

If I had my wedding over again, I would spend even less money on the day and more on the honeymoon!

Good luck!

Blondeshavemorefun Tue 19-May-20 22:15:45

Sits on fence

I totally get the wedding aspect. Was meant to get married next week and cancelled in March sad and no date set yet till venue open

But also get the ivf - we had to pay as df has children

We got there in the end but took 5 attempts and £27k

Which we saved , Overtime , put on credit cards , loans etx

Depends if you want the big day or literally get married and have a party later

Sadly ivf has no guarantees , you could spend the wedding fund and fail and then think no wedding or baby

Or

Ivf and works

I would say you are youNg and you do have time

How much was wedding. Can you downgrade a Bit so have small wedding and put rest towards ivf

Narwhal88 Sat 23-May-20 16:29:11

I got married last year and had a lovely wedding but it cost over £20k (parents paid most of this). If I realised that we would then go on to have fertility issues and possibly need IVF I would have had cut the wedding costs in half and saved the other half for IVF. It depends how quickly you can save again and what you want your wedding to be really.

JandL2020 Sat 23-May-20 16:53:12

Baby but I’m bias because I don’t want to get wedding x

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