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Coming to do our 3rd FET now money an issue

(5 Posts)
MrsLouB Tue 12-May-20 06:32:54

So i dont want to seem ungrateful but we paid for our first full round of IVf and my inlaws said they would give us the money to do the 2nd round which was of course a lot cheaper at 2500 and when that failed they said that when we where ready they would help with the 3rd and final round. My dh hates taking a hand out as his sister also wanted to give us some money towards it and he said no. Now they are all in a better position financially my in laws are mortgage free and have inheritance and live well and my SIL too has a very successful husband. We are not on the bread line but we dont have a huge amount of disposable income and one thing i didnt want to do was put more stress on us with money troubles.

Now its come to the time to talk to them with the 3rd round now being opened up again here, and we have spoken to them and they have said they will have to talk about it! Now this has really made me low i am not expecting a hand out but why say it in the first place then? I have no parents to ask for help as they both passed away two years ago. I feel so alone and i have this cycle now so close and feel like its being ripped away from me.

Thinking i might increase my cc limited to at least get my meds in time

Sorry for the rant you may think im being ungrateful im not, but i wish people would not offer something and then rip it away.

Unravellingslowly Tue 12-May-20 07:01:31

I totally understand. My DGM actually gave me the money for a fresh cycle, she said she would “pay for as many goes as it takes”........ when it failed she never offered again. She is now in a home and the £140,000 she had in cash in her bank and the £190,000 from her property sale has been swallowed up in care fees- why have all that money sitting in the bank and never spend it - even on herself?
We remortgaged, took bank loans, cc and spent close to £40,000 altogether (4 MC, some bfn’s) I don’t begrudge a penny because we do have DS but..... I just wish she had never said it as it often popped into my head as we scrimped, did without and watched every penny.

Good luck with your FET.

MrsLouB Tue 12-May-20 10:08:14

thank you @Unravellingslowly its a shame i dont blame them i just wish they hadnt of said when you are ready to do it again let us know as we will help, not asking them to pay outright and happy to pay back and just less burden than a bank especially if they have it there. They wont of had their 2/3 holidays this year either so i would if thought they would of looked at it differently. I cannot help but me upset i have no mum or dad to ask or grandad parents and i alone in this apart from DH.

Now i just feel well it wasnt meant to be i cannot get a loan at present with everything going on, my cc was refused to up on the limit and its on 200! just feel so low now thank you for replying x

ChatWithMe Tue 12-May-20 16:52:59

Many people negatively impacted by covid so maybe your family wants to help but can afford less now. If everyone pitches in you'll get there!

Try Go Fund Me to get it covered by friends/family/kind strangers:

uk.gofundme.com/

I suggest asking for £5k or £7k as the next treatment may not work so you'll need to factor in cost of next FET or IVF as applicable.

Good luck x

Blondeshavemorefun Sat 16-May-20 15:22:00

You say 3rd fet so you have embroyo frozen from previous cycle ?

Average fet is £1500 but obv all clinics vary

I would put on cc if you feel time is running out tho
If frozen that shouldn’t matter

We spent £27k on 2 fresh nothing to freeze

Then 3rd cycle abroad that failed but gave us think 6 to freeze

4th fet failed but 5th attempt was a success and after 10yrs ttc and 5 attempts and 7 embryos planted we finally had success

But to get there we got loans (so tough playing back when fails) saved and did overtime etx Credit cards

Yes it’s hard if people say they will pay but then don’t but if you really want to do this you will find a way somehow

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