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Read ONLY if you have ONE child and struggle to conceive again

(14 Posts)
ChatWithMe Fri 01-May-20 13:52:20

So basically I just wanted to share something that has helped me change my mindset in a positive way.

I have a 2 year old through IVF and it was our first go. So I thought Yay! Let's get him a sibling as we always planned to have two kids. Now we're likely to end 2 years of TTC #2 with nothing but a dent of £30k in our savings.

So I googled the benefits of having a one child family. What I found has actually made me happy with our trio (mum, dad, little one). So although we're plowing ahead with another round of IVF etc I will gladly put this whole infertility thing to rest when I turn 40 next year. No tears or bereavement now I've learned to love what I have!

I hope this link and others helps you too:

www.thelist.com/65031/benefits-one-kid/

Also, check out Mumsnet One-child-family chat room under Talk heading. A great bunch of ladies ;-)

twinkledag Fri 01-May-20 20:03:58

Thank you @chatwithme, will have a read.

We had our DC via NHS, conceived on the FET.

Spent over £30k and nearly 4 years of trying to give him a sibling.

ChatWithMe Fri 01-May-20 20:39:24

Well if it brings you closure then it's money well spent. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take do it's good to try before moving on with your life anyway. Enjoy your little miracle halo

ivfgottostaypositive Fri 01-May-20 21:10:39

I'm also part of this club - just turned 37 - 1 DD and since her 5 miscarriages and 2 ruptured near fatal ectopics and £35k sunk into IVF. We have 4 embryos frozen and one final egg collection to do - hopefully start this month following the good news today! I'm aiming for another 2 blastocysts and then once these 6 are transferred (not all together 🤣 but in pairs!) I'm done.

I do worry about DD though. A couple of weeks ago she said she's not a baby anymore so I need to have another baby! I said well what happens if mummy never has another baby and she replied with life will be boring then! - sat in the car and cried for hour 😢

I don't know whether I'm trying so hard to give her a sibling because that's what I see as a "perfect" little family or because she'd really benefit from having one as she grows up.

twinkledag Fri 01-May-20 21:49:26

@ChatWithMe - no closure as yet. Still trying for that sibling...

@ivfgottostaypositive 😢 at your DD. We were having dinner the other night and my DS said 'I'm imagining that I have a brother and he's called x'. Me and OH just looked at each other and felt so sad, also because the name DS mentioned was always the name we'd have chosen if we'd have had another boy!

twinkledag Fri 01-May-20 21:50:02

@ivfgottostaypositive also good luck with your 6 blastos, you've got a bloody good chance there!

ivfgottostaypositive Fri 01-May-20 21:56:10

@twinkledag

It's so innocent the things they say but I've had to cry in the car loads lately! DD keeps drawing me with a baby in my tummy and talks about the 4 brothers and sisters she has at her other house! - I did ask DH if he had a secret family on the side 🤣 (bloody hormones!)

You'd think we have a good shot with 6 but we transferred 4 last year with 2 BFN and 1 ectopic - although with having no tubes left at least I shouldn't need to worry about that now. Although I've such terrible luck no doubt I'd end up having a c section ectopic. These 6 are better quality though so 🤞🤞🤞

ChatWithMe Fri 01-May-20 22:02:33

Our journeys are a mixed bag for sure. We'll all pull through!

Yes a 6 baby pregnancy wouldn't be ideal! Although you'd never ever want to be pregnant again after that lol

ivfgottostaypositive Fri 01-May-20 22:06:10

@ChatWithMe

I think at this point I'd happily be the next Octomum or Kateplus8! 🤣

ivfgottostaypositive Fri 01-May-20 22:09:41

@twinkledag

Create have for a big discount going at the moment for treatment - £6.450 for the 3 cycle
Package (saving £1.5k) so if you don't need ICSI like me and with drugs at say £750 which was about what mine was it would work out £7k for 3 cycles which is pretty good 💰💰

twinkledag Fri 01-May-20 22:36:43

Thanks @ivfgottostaypositive but I just don't know whether it's worth it with my own eggs anymore. 4 failed cycles, why would the next 3 be any different?

Lemongrass1 Sat 02-May-20 00:18:57

Hi all, TTC no2 too. Think I’m on the older side as just turned 41. FET #1 cancelled during downreg in March but really wanted to draw a line under things by end of year. Personal choice but don’t want to be TTC/ pregnant when approaching mid 40s. Great news about fertility treatment but I’m doubtful our clinic will open as soon as 11 May. When I called them earlier this week they said all the Doctors were still redeployed (we are doing a private cycle at NHS clinic). Thought about moving to private but by the time we move the embryos (takes 4-6 weeks and embryo transportation hasn’t actually restarted yet), do initial consult/ repeat blood tests and make our way up the backlog of which we would probably be at bottom of list, it may be better to just wait for our current clinic to reopen. Hard to know what to do! Doesn’t seem worth trying to start again from scratch when we still have several blastos from my late 30s still trapped in the NHS clinic. Don’t feel we have closure as we haven’t even had a chance to try yet but half of me wonders if we should just be grateful for our one DC and focus on the advantages of a single child. Feel the clock is really ticking to push on with treatment and all this uncertainty so hard!

ChatWithMe Sat 02-May-20 07:04:49

Gosh had to Google Kateplus8 and yikes what a stressful thing to go through!

Lemongrass1 Ain't no reason not to use the little embryos you have stored one by one (how many do you have?) - it's only that if you use this time to adjust to being a one child family you'll have more joy. Children grow up fast and it's important to enjoy the one you have now rather than looking back and feeling it was discoloured by all this worry. I do hope you mum's consider all the great things about one child families now even if you later have one more. I feel like I can now go to all my appointments in a relaxed way. If it works, cool. If not, I'm gonna enjoy my life! x

twinkledag Sat 02-May-20 09:45:56

@Lemongrass1 I'm 41 too. You sound like you have a great chance with your blastos - good luck! 🌼

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