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Dealing with husband's infertility

(5 Posts)
Bells3032 Sun 26-Apr-20 18:26:07

Sorry just needing to vent and maybe see if there's anyone else in the same boat.

Let me preface this by saying that I love my husband more than anything. what we are going through does not impact how much I love and want to be with him and i know that whatever it takes and whether the result is biological or not it will be worth it to build a family together.

My husband was always honest with me that he had suffered a brain tumour as a child, though kind of downplayed how likely the effects on his fertility will be. First SA in April 2019 showed 10 immobile sperm. He started on Gonasi to try and replace his synthetic testosterone on April 19 and his results were really phenomenal and his natural testoterone kicked in so well she had to reduce his dosage which was brilliant and we tried for SA again in Feb and it was 0.

Never mind I thought. the doctor was clear that might happen as he's still not producing LH and FSH so prescribed that. We picked up his first load yesterday but not planning to start it for a month as 1. very expensive and don't really want to risk earlier pregnancy (I'll explain that later) but 2. if he has a reaction getting medical support will be difficult.

We had originally started thinking about trying for a baby in late 20/early 21 but we just don't know if the drugs are gonna work. We want to start them earlier to see if they work but also don't want to risk getting pregnant til he has passed his probation at his new job in September.

I currently have a coil due to having horrific periods but it expires in August so were thinking about having it out then and letting my hormones settle for a few cycles before this new hormone works.

I have always been positive about this process, guess partly cos i've never been the "baby fever" type and the idea of having kids was always so abstract.

But suddenly in lock down all my priorities are changing and starting to think about this and really deal with how hard this will all be. even until recently i just held out hope the drugs will work and we will be able to conceive a child naturally and this may not be as easy as i always dreamed.

It's suddenly all hitting me and i can't talk to anyone without my husband hearing due to isolation. Anyone else in the same place?

thefishthatcouldwish Mon 27-Apr-20 07:41:17

Hello OP not in quite the same position as you but my husband has zero sperm, a chromosome issue and also scarring ( meaning sperm retrieval impossible).

This has meant the only option for us is ivf via sperm donation.

This took me a very long time to get my head around the fact that what we have wanted for such a long time would be only maybe possible.

Have you thought of keeping a dairy?

Imboredinthehouse Mon 27-Apr-20 08:42:52

It’s tough. I’d always wanted children, I knew DH was infertile but that ICSI was a possibility. It didn’t occur to me how difficult, or expensive, it would be.
We did manage to have one child but lost 4 pregnancies, I was desperate for another but after seven cycles-for which we re mortgaged, took out bank loans, used credit cards-we were broke. I would have happily taken in and loved any baby if someone had left it on the doorstep so I was crushed when DH wouldn’t entertain the idea of a sperm donor. After all, with no fertility issues with me, if I had a sperm donor then it would have been quite straightforward for me to get pregnant.

I’m not going to lie, it nearly broke us. I do sometimes wonder how different my life would be, if we had gone our separate ways and I’d met someone else to have my family with, but then I wouldn’t have DS so I can’t think about it too deeply. It was a bit of a kick in the guts when DH said a couple of years ago that he wishes he had agreed to a donor, at which point I was too old.

Is there a counsellor available at the fertility unit you are at? Maybe once all this is over you could speak to someone there. Have you been on Fertility Friends? You might find someone in a similar position there to chat to. I found a lot of support there.

www.fertilityfriends.co.uk

Good luck in your journey Bells and wishing you luck too thefish

Viletta Wed 29-Apr-20 10:42:42

Hi there, I just commented on your other post on icsi success stories. Just wanted to say that IVF journey is horrendous but it can also be positive. We went through pretty rough time but it made us closer. Financially you would normally spread the costs, we had long times of waiting while we saved enough and family helped here and there. We also went to Czech Republic as they have better technology with much lower costs. It's a journey like no other but it can be a positive experience. Good luck!

PancakesAndSyrup Sat 02-May-20 20:09:35

I completely understand your feelings, it's such a roller-coaster of emotions. We have been ttc for 3.5 years. My DH only had 16 sperm in his last sample. His hormones came back normal but they found a varicocele when he went for a testicular ultrasound. So we are waiting to find out what happens next. If you are happier to wait until September then do what's right for you. Just be kind to yourself and each other. And if you ever need someone to talk to feel free to pm me flowers

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