Page 2 | Anyone here sick of the comments and posts how easy it is for childless / childfree?

(152 Posts)

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EL8888 Tue 31-Mar-20 15:28:32

Anyone else sick of the post on Mumsnet and on Facebook etc about how “easy” people with no children must be finding the lockdown and how hard it is for those with children etc? How people with no children must have lots of spare fun time to spend on themselves, plus it’s so easy for them to work at home. Well, none of it’s that easy actually. When fertility treatment is on hold and time is going by all the time (especially unhelpful when you’re in your 40’s). Never mind the key workers, people with ill family and friends etc

One person even posted about how angry she was, they have it so easy hmm

Can no one accept all of this is tough for everyone?! Rather than claiming others have an easy ride

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Syncrows Tue 31-Mar-20 16:18:21

You’ve got the WHOLE OF THE REST OF MUMSNET, icorona - is OP really not entitled to have HER section?

GoofyLuce Tue 31-Mar-20 16:30:11

I am finding it hard and I only have one toddler. DP is still working (outside the home) i do often daydream about what i would be doing if i was a single person and not a parent but then i bring my self back down to earth and remember I chose to have a child, I love my child and he brightens up the day with his innocence. I can see both sides. I understand you feeling frustrated with people moaning about their children when you so desperately want one. I also understand people who don't have children by choice, being annoyed too as they've chose not to have children so they shouldn't feel guilty about their free time just because Karen with 7 kids is stressed. I also understand parents getting stressed when they're trying to keep their children happy, occupied and safe whilst wtf full time and completing all the usual household chores. There is no winner in this argument. People will moan just try your best to ignore it.

Beau20 Tue 31-Mar-20 16:39:00

Hear, hear OP! In fact, (shoot me now) but as a woman that has been actively trying for my first child for a while, I would MUCH rather be quarantined with my little family than with no child at all...

I'm not saying either is easier or harder but coming from a woman/couple who is desperate for a baby, I'd swap it any day...

@sillysmiles you have it spot on...

formerbabe Tue 31-Mar-20 16:40:08

I think it's important to remember that easier doesn't mean happier.

To be honest, virtually everything is easier without children, however that doesn't necessarily mean your life is happier if that makes sense.

Beau20 Tue 31-Mar-20 16:41:11

@iCorona notice that MN has plenty of topics for NON MUMS ie. Conception board/infertility etc

Why don't you go and hang out in one of the parenting sections instead rather than posting insensitive comments in an area that is specifically for NON-PARENTS...

GoofyLuce Tue 31-Mar-20 16:41:19

Oh and @iCorona that comment is disgusting. This is not just for parents despite the name of the site. How incosiderate and nasty of you!

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iCorona Tue 31-Mar-20 16:57:01

I’m genuinely sorry. Obviously I thought this was AIBU where I mainly post.

Soontobe60 Tue 31-Mar-20 16:58:34

OP, when I read your post I didn't realise that it was posted in Infertility, because I always read posts that come under 'active'. @iCorona may well have done the same thIng and not realised where you posted. I almost posted myself about how easy a time I'm having in comparison with my friends who have children.
I'm really lucky. I have adult children. I'm scared for them, very anxious that this is actually causing them a great deal of anxiety and there's bugger all I can do about it. But again, I know I'm so very lucky to have my children, and don't even pretend to know how it feels to not have them.
I really don't think anyone is purposely trying to cause offence.

Syncrows Tue 31-Mar-20 17:01:16

It’s not about offence. It’s about indifference.

Makeitgoaway Tue 31-Mar-20 17:06:17

I don't think any one group can claim all the hardship atm.

I am incredibly grateful for my children, I am also very grateful that they both finished school last year. I can't begin to imagine the pressure of having children who've missed their exams or children who are missing a chunk of their education and feeling it's all down to you, or trying to keep little ones entertained when you can't go outdoors, at the same time as trying to work from home.

I also can't imagine how awful it must be to have pinned your hopes on fertility treatment to have that suspended.

Or how stressful it must be to actually be pregnant at the moment.

Everyone is facing tremendous stress atm, can't we all just allow for that?

sillysmiles Tue 31-Mar-20 17:13:41

Everyone is facing tremendous stress atm, can't we all just allow for that?

That would be nice, but the often people who are childless* aren't considered to be facing stress at all. Or simply aren't considered and are classed as "lucky" not to have the stress that is parental stress, while parents rarely opening consider themselves "lucky".

*personally I consider childless to be different to childfree. One is an active choice.

sillysmiles Tue 31-Mar-20 17:14:25

*rarely openly consider themselves "lucky"

PurpleDaisies Tue 31-Mar-20 17:42:17

Or how stressful it must be to actually be pregnant at the moment.

I would give anything to be in that position. Anything. Don’t you think all of us on the infertility forum feel the same?

No one is saying it isn’t hard for people at home with children. Just that people saying it’s easy for people without are wrong, and often very insensitive.

PurpleDaisies Tue 31-Mar-20 17:44:05

This is the new “I wish I was childless so I didn’t have any responsibilities and could go on holiday all the time” pre covid.

Patchworkpatty Tue 31-Mar-20 17:48:55

I can see this from both points of view. I am lucky enough to have two of mine at home. 18 & 24. . and while they have always been very easy babies/toddlers /teens , I think it would be incredibly hard work to have them cooped up at home for weeks on end. The benefit of child free/childless is only having to keep yourself motivated and busy..

However as I spent 5 years on the fertility clinic treadmill before conceiving number 1 - I have a lot of empathy with your position OP. Infertility is a form of mental anguish that cannot be described or understood until you have been in that position and I completely understand that you would give anything to be 'driven nuts' by your own children. !

I wish you the best of luck with your journey. Remember that miracles happen. I was given a 10% chance of conceiving naturally and now have 3.

PurpleDaisies Tue 31-Mar-20 17:54:14

The benefit of child free/childless is only having to keep yourself motivated and busy.

Thanks for sharing that. I had no idea. hmm

PurpleDaisies Tue 31-Mar-20 17:56:35

Loving all the fertile splaining on this thread for infertile women.

EL8888 Tue 31-Mar-20 18:30:54

@PurpleDaisies all this but l suppose l did post on AIBU. Oh no, wait. l actually didn’t, lm on the infertility board!!! Does no one realise this not infertility bingo or top trumps?

Must dash I’m off to complain about my annoying quite elderly father on the bereavement section. Oh wait, that’s really insensitive and thoughtless. Who knew confused

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EL8888 Tue 31-Mar-20 18:40:24

@sillysmiles totally all of this.

It an interesting conundrum about people having to care for their own children and not knowing what they’re really like. As an aside l wonder how my friends SIL is doing as she barely has her children, they are normally are off loaded to her parents, in-laws, siblings etc. It’s not so she can work / study / receive treatment for illness etc it’s so she can go out socialising. Potentially she may have to parent her own children at this time! Then again she’s the type to flout the rules as they don’t apply to her

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Seahawk80 Tue 31-Mar-20 18:43:10

I understand how you feel OP, well I close to understanding anyway. I do have a DS who is 2 and I feel so lucky to have him. I would never moan about being "cooped up" I have some days where it's hard work but I'm so happy to see more of him, especially as it isn't looking like we'll have a second. I think a lot of people who have kids easily just take them for granted. I've had to hide all the pregnancy threads as seeing "ruined pregnancy" when someone had to go to their scan alone makes me so sad / angry. I'd love to be going to my 20 week scan this month, sadly it's cancelled after a TMFR for Edwards. I feel like so many people are whinging about very pedestrian problems when there are people who face losing loved ones / their livelihoods. I wasn't sure whether to post this as it is in infertility but I just wanted to let you know that I agree. It's not the same at all but I've had a few people say to me oh it's probably easier with one, my 2 are driving me mad fighting. Actually lockdown means I can't make the huge effort I normally do for DS to have company and makes me sad that he is unlikely to have a sibling to play / fight with.

Ylvamoon Tue 31-Mar-20 18:44:58

flowers for you 40EL8888 . The grass really isn't always greener ...

rhowton Tue 31-Mar-20 18:45:28

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

EL8888 Tue 31-Mar-20 18:46:43

@GrumpyHoonMain yeah l think a lot of people tend to wish away their life to some mythical perfect and happier time. It doesn’t exist sadly

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wherethecloudsaregoing Tue 31-Mar-20 18:48:29

I can’t believe you actually said that, rhowton

EL8888 Tue 31-Mar-20 18:48:40

@Seahawk80 thinking of you xx Yeah the “easier with 1” brigade must be annoying as well, particularly as it’s not what you wanted

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