Page 6 | Anyone here sick of the comments and posts how easy it is for childless / childfree?

(152 Posts)

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EL8888 Tue 31-Mar-20 15:28:32

Anyone else sick of the post on Mumsnet and on Facebook etc about how “easy” people with no children must be finding the lockdown and how hard it is for those with children etc? How people with no children must have lots of spare fun time to spend on themselves, plus it’s so easy for them to work at home. Well, none of it’s that easy actually. When fertility treatment is on hold and time is going by all the time (especially unhelpful when you’re in your 40’s). Never mind the key workers, people with ill family and friends etc

One person even posted about how angry she was, they have it so easy hmm

Can no one accept all of this is tough for everyone?! Rather than claiming others have an easy ride

OP’s posts: |
louise5754 Wed 01-Apr-20 08:03:40

My brother and sister are both married and in their late 30s. They have said how much easier it is to be stuck home without children. They only have to think about themselves. They also get bored easier and the days drag.
I do not work so I only have to think about the kids whilst they are having to work from home or still go on visits.

Saying you should not moan about having children is like saying you can't complain about your job because you chose to work there.

Marieo Wed 01-Apr-20 08:05:00

I

Know

@Syncrows

stophuggingme Wed 01-Apr-20 08:36:43

@HunterHearstHelmsley

“ anyone who tells me it’s harder with kids can get to fuck”

Why is that?

FriedasCarLoad Wed 01-Apr-20 08:38:50

Pointing out grass isn't always greener.

I’m pretty struggling with infertility realise that children bring hard work and worry as well as joy. But there is a great pain in not being able to have longed-for children that is hard for those of us with children to understand or even to remember if we eventually conceived.

It’s just not acceptable to tell someone in this situation (or even who might be in this situation) that their life is easier for it.

OP, and others reading who are going through the same, I’m so sorry. I hope some small upside to some of the thoughtlessness on this thread might be that others are a little more careful and sensitive now. flowers

Changedmyname84 Wed 01-Apr-20 08:43:45

OP I think it’s just different - that’s the bottom line. I think when people say easier/harder they don’t think of the mental aspect of it - they’re thinking I’ve got to do X YZ for the kids - balance work and homeschooling. I don’t think people mean to say without kids it’s easier just different. I have work colleagues who have said to me oh at least you have the kids to home school and I’m not saying I’ll swap places but then I have my childless aunt (who is in her 40s and desperately wants a baby) who is staying off social media - focusing on her health - meditating etc I know she’ll be having her own battle after a loss she had last year. So I don’t moan to her about my kids at all.

Wishing you well flowers

feelingnervousnow Wed 01-Apr-20 08:45:45

I think maybe those parents who the op is complaining about are just trying to explain their point of view.
They are justifying why being locked down with children is hard and indeed why parenting is hard.
The OP can’t come on to complain about what people are saying (off the infertility board) and expect those people she’s criticising not to come on and justify why those comments were made in the first place.

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PurpleDaisies Wed 01-Apr-20 08:47:16

I don’t think people mean to say without kids it’s easier just different.

Respectfully, that’s really not what people have been saying. They have been saying it is easier, full stop.

Syncrows Wed 01-Apr-20 08:47:53

So you can’t bear for it not to be about you, can you feeling?

Mememememememememememememe

Make it all about

me

HopeMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 01-Apr-20 08:53:07

Hi all,
Thanks for the reports, much appreciated. We have made several deletions, as you will see, and may yet make more, and we have removed this particular thread from Active now.
We have also responded to the Site Stuff thread and with your assistance should find the board removed in due course.
If anyone strongly feels that they'd just like this entire thread removed to start over, we'd be amenable to that as well, and we're sorry that you have been put through this. Stay safe, everyone, and let us know how you feel.

sqirrelfriends Wed 01-Apr-20 09:22:56

Absolutely, had this happened a few years ago I would have been in a far worse situation to mentally deal with all this. As it stands I'm loving the time with DS but it is hard to work.

Aridane Wed 01-Apr-20 09:48:12

The OP can’t come on to complain about what people are saying (off the infertility board) and expect those people she’s criticising not to come on and justify why those comments were made in the first place.

EXCEPT SHE IS ON THE INFERTILITY NOARD

feelingnervousnow Wed 01-Apr-20 10:10:08

@Aridane I realise that. What I mean is that the comments she’s complaining about were made OFF THE FERTILITY BOARD.
Don’t get me wrong it took 4 years for me to conceive my eldest. I do understand is it feels to think you’ll never have a child.
BUT if you comment about what people are saying on other boards, those people are entitled to join in and justify why they made those comments.

AlexaCrowe Wed 01-Apr-20 10:25:06

This thread is exactly why I describe myself as childFREE and not childLESS. People always complain and say I’m making it sound as if children are the worst thing ever but it’s honestly to stop hurting people already in pain. Eg when people say ‘I wish I was childless so I could go on a luxury holiday’ they mean childFREE!

I’m not even going to complain about people assuming my life during this must be amazing because I don’t have children because to me it’s just a bit irritating that people can’t see beyond their own situation but for you, and everyone suffering infertility, it’s heartbreaking. I’m really sorry you’re going through this OP, and everyone else who is also dealing with this.

EL8888 Wed 01-Apr-20 10:39:17

@Aridane l don’t wish to debate it or want others to justify themselves though, logically wouldn’t l have put it on chat or AIBU if that was my aim? I was more wanting to talk to people in a SIMILIAR situation to me. It’s like me commenting in the multiple births section when l don’t have multiple children and am unlikely to. Therefore what experience or understanding will l bring to the party. Sorry to offer these trite examples but people seem to struggle to realise what they’re are contributing to or what value they are actually adding (if any)

This thread has just validated why l wrote my original post. I don’t think the thoughtless and self-validating truly realise how nasty they come across. Plus ironically how self absorbed and martyr like people can be

OP’s posts: |
sillysmiles Wed 01-Apr-20 10:55:00

@EL888 why does it seem so hard for some people to understand that sometimes, other people feel other things than they do. Hope you are doing OK.
Personally, most of my friends have kids, one is due a baby in a few days but thankfully our whatsapp groups haven't been "woe is me" or I would have to mute them.

UrsulaLittleBear Wed 01-Apr-20 11:19:17

Agreed those posts are really annoying and insensitive.

By all means complain about being cooped up and having to entertain small children, but why the comparisons to people without kids and bitterness about how “easy” they have it? It lacks any kind of empathy for what other people are going through in what is a horrible situation for everyone.

I’m sorry your treatment has been delayed, that must be so upsetting. flowers

goldenorbspider Wed 01-Apr-20 12:24:44

This thread has just validated why l wrote my original post. I don’t think the thoughtless and self-validating truly realise how nasty they come across. Plus ironically how self absorbed and martyr like people can be

^^ to be fair there have been some pretty thoughtless comments on here about people with kids.

JosieJosie1 Wed 01-Apr-20 12:51:29

Hi @EL8888 yes I have seen a lot of that and it stings so much more given that our chance of having a child has been taken away for probably a year meaning a year old and less chance to have a child full stop. I was due to start IVF the day I got word clinics were closing. Desolate does not describe how I have been feeling. It took myself and my DH at least a week to pick ourselves up off the floor and I find that I am very close to crying a lot of the time. Then to be told oh well at least you don’t have kids it’s so much easier. These people just don’t understand the emotional turmoil and trauma of infertility. They can’t as they haven’t had to go through it. I am on a good supportive thread on an infertility board in my own country and it’s filled with earnings about not being able to do treatment, what we’re doing to pass the time etc.

I think you should take HQ up on their offer and get this thread deleted and start a new one that won’t show up on active.

All those who have attacked the OP and this thread - you should be ashamed of yourselves.

JosieJosie1 Wed 01-Apr-20 12:52:32

*rantings not earnings!!

Aridane Wed 01-Apr-20 17:20:45

@EL8888 - I agree, and that was the point I was trying to make (ie that you were posting on infertility for the usual people in similar situation, not AIBU, Chat etc). Apologies if I cam across saying the opposite!

EL8888 Wed 01-Apr-20 20:37:29

@Aridane no worries

OP’s posts: |
GreytExpectations Wed 01-Apr-20 23:07:40

God what a horrible group of people that mumsnet attracts. The insensitivity on here is disgusting, this is the infertility board! And honestly, even if it wasn't why would you think its OK to post some of the things you have on here? Do all you fortunate parents comprehend how fucking painful it is for people who are not able to have kids?! And then you go and say shit about how "hard" it is having kids. Fuck off this board and leave it as a safe space for those who need support.

PurpleDaisies Thu 02-Apr-20 11:33:36

How’s everyone doing today? Maybe we can reclaim this thread for good and use it as a place to chat with people that understand.

My period showed up today. I should have realised because I’ve been super emotional for the past few days, basically crying at everything and nothing. Then I cried because I wasn’t pregnant (again!) but at least I don’t feel quite so much like I’m going quietly mad at home.

How’s everyone keeping busy?

twinkledag Thu 02-Apr-20 22:52:23

I hear you OP 💐

EL8888 Fri 03-Apr-20 10:45:33

@PurpleDaisies good point, let’s try to reclaim this thread

Sorry to hear this month was a no and you feel like that

I’m ok. Busy with work, looking forward to the weekend. Not that weekends are that different at the moment but a lie in will be nice and some time to myself. This week has been a treadmill of work, sleep, cook and exercise

OP’s posts: |

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