Miscarriage after IVF/FET

[Hufflepuff1]

Title says it all really. Currently going through my second miscarriage, first was after clomid and this one is following my first FET.

Not really sure where it went wrong as everything was perfect. Here's my story..

TTC 5 years, me pcos dh poor sperm mobility. 6 rounds of clomid led to one miscarriage. Referred for ivf and icsi was done due to sperm issues.
TLA done I think that's what it was - where they put the embryos in the incubator and monitor them from a camera rather than having to get them out etc. We ended up having 3 top quality blasts.
Fresh transfer of a 5AA was successful and resulted in my DS who's now 2.5.
First FET completed Feb 2020 of a 4AB which increased in quality to a 5AB during the thawing process. A hatching blastocyst we were thrilled. We also added embryo glue to increase our chances this time.
I am within a healthy bmi due to losing weight prior to the FET.
Tested from 6dp5dt and got faint positives that got stronger and stronger day by day. By test day the test line was stealing the dye from the control line and the clear blue digital said 3+ weeks. I couldn't believe our luck this was my dream come true and my chance to complete our family and give my DS the sibling he's begging me for.
First scan was booked in for Thursday 19th March however on the Tuesday evening I started bleeding. My whole life came crashing down, I called the clinic and they told me to come in on the Wednesday. Went to be told baby was measuring 4.4mm and measuring 5 weeks 6 days rather than the 6 weeks 2 days that I was and there was no heartbeat.
Now there's conflicting advice on whether or not you should see a heartbeat at this stage but the sonographer was adamant that we should hear one by now, she also said I should prepare for miscarriage and that it doesn't look good at all however then contradicted herself by saying let's 'pray' that it will be ok and apparently fet embryos are a little bit slower.

Am I miscarrying or not which one is it?! Left the clinic in disbelief, rang the nurses later on who confirmed the same however Google told me not to worry as millions of women bleed during pregnancy and I hadn't bled again so I thought things would be fine. So I stupidly got my hopes up thinking the nurse didn't know what she was on about and I'm going to go again next week and everything is going to be fine. That was until Saturday when I started bleeding again and then again more today. Awful bleeding, awful pain so I know my baby's gone.

What did I do wrong? I had a textbook perfect cycle, not one thing was wrong, I was looking after myself and followed all advice. Did acupuncture before during and after. Through everything at it so why has it gone wrong? I called the clinic and spoke to another nurse who looked at my scan pics coupled with the news of my new bleeding and she said 'unfortunately it does sound like you are miscarrying.'

Anyone out there with any experience, advice or just anything because I really can't cope at all.

[itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted]

I'm so sorry @hufflepuff1

I'm surprised they've come to this conclusion so quickly though - it can be normal to measure up to a week behind and everything still be ok. Most doctors won't scan at 5+6 as could go either way as to whether they are a heartbeat? Did they see anything else on the scan? Fetal pole etc? Xx

[Hufflepuff1]

@itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted I've been bleeding a lot and she said she could see where the bleeding was coming from and as a result I should 'prepare for miscarriage'
She said there was a sack and she could see the baby however it was measuring small so all of this meant a conclusion that I would miscarry.

[Hufflepuff1]

Miscarriage confirmed today. Told to come off drugs and to see if it happens naturally. Devastated.

[twinkledag]

I had a miscarriage after ivf 2 years ago and it nearly killed me, the grief was so bad. Look after yourself OP.
X

[Hufflepuff1]

Thank you I really can't cope right now 😭

[itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted]

@Hufflepuff1
Are you still spitting/bleeding? X

[itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted]

*spotting

[Hufflepuff1]

Just spotting yet. They said bleeding will come in the next couple of days.

[Selina79]

So sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage in November 2019. It was a PGS tested normal embryo and I’m still grieving now.

[Hufflepuff1]

So sorry to hear that @Selina79 it's just so cruel. I've started bleeding again today just this time I know it will properly flow as I'm no longer taking the drugs. It's just not fair. Can I ask was it painful? The nurse told me to expect contractions but during my first miscarriage I had no pains just a lot of bleeding and clots that went on for weeks. I'm really no good with pain and feel it's going to make me mentally worse but I guess I'm being stupid and should expect it.

[itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted]

@Hufflepuff1
I've had 5 miscarriages ranging from 7 weeks to 12 and done them all at home. The 12 week one was horrendous and very painful but the others were manageable with paracetamol with codeine - take lots of hot baths to relax the muscles and it should help bring it on a bit quicker. Once the sac is out should just be fairly period like xx

[Hufflepuff1]

Thank you @itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted so sorry to hear x

[Selina79]

@Hufflepuff1

It wasn’t painful but I felt totally drained by the experience. It’s put me off transferring my one remaining 5AA frozen embryo. I’m not mentally strong enough yet to go through it all again. To be honest, I’m anxious about the thought of going through another miscarriage. Once I’ve healed, I’ll try again.

[Selina79]

@itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted

5 miscarriages, can’t imagine how you coped with that....really sorry for your loss.

[Selina79]

@Hufflepuff1

You’re right it doesn’t seem fair. Please give yourself time to heal x

[Hufflepuff1]

Thanks for the messages, sorry for not responding sooner. I've been bleeding a lot and had one day where I passed a lot of clots but no pain and today the bleeding has calmed down. I don't think I've passed the baby and sac yet so I'm a bit concerned and confused. The clinic said they will call and get me in for another scan if needs be to see if I've passed everything and if not then I'll have to go through the medicated route.

Been trying to get my head round everything but ultimately I'm just devastated. I miss knowing I was pregnant and all the dreams that come with it and it kills me knowing I can no longer say I'm X amount of weeks etc.

@Selina79 I also have a 5AB remaining however have lost all hope. I really don't know if I'll have the strength to do it again coz I don't think I could cope mentally with another miscarriage. I know people have been through a lot worse than me but I know what I can deal with individually and right now I'm just taking each day as it comes.

[Selina79]

@Hufflepuff1

At the moment it’s too raw for you to think about transferring another embryo. Maybe with time and when you’ve healed, you might consider trying again.

Unfortunately with miscarriage, you’re powerless to prevent it.