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Staying positive during IVF

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Viletta Sat 14-Mar-20 20:15:44

Hi there, just wanted to share some thoughts on how to stay positive during IVF process that helped me.

When we got our diagnosis and realized we had to do an IVF it felt really unfair. I was not sure what to feel most of the time and turned onto forums. There I discovered that many women with fertility issues feel very upset about pregnancy announcements, Mother's Day, other people thinking about terminations, etc. I though maybe I will feel this too, but I didn't. This is indeed very common but remember that you won't automatically have these feelings if you have fertility issues. I still love Christmas and baby announcements and Mother's Day is about my mother and nothing else. Everyone's life is different and other people's happiness absolutely don't have to be a reason for your sadness.

What helped me is opening up about our issues to family and close friends. You get to go through a very annoying phase when they try to be helpful but actually are very annoying but talking about it never the less and understanding that they are coming from a good place helped. It helped feeling normal again and not having to hide things.

Then the actual process, it helped me to let go of my dreams on how to announce my surprise pregnancy to DH (actually seeing bfp after IVF was sooo much more amazing that my idea of a big reveal anyway). Letting go of any thoughts about success and timing and concentrating on the outcome - healthy baby did help coping with failed cycles as the healthy baby dream was still on (while seeing bfp on OTD wasn't it almost didn't matter). Always prepare for the next cycle (I am 11w pregnant and still thinking about the next cycle, I want a sibling after all!). During tww visualizing both outcomes and being ready for both helped. Being positive during the cycle and hope for bfp felt better even with bfn.

Finances, finding a cheaper option abroad and asking help from family helped. IVF is expensive but you don't normally pay the whole thing at once, it's meds first, then the cycle, then frosties (if any), etc. Having a plan helps and always plan the next cycle helps. We also developed a healthy habit of saving money as the result!

Relationships with DH were all over the place, at some point I though IVF will cost me my marriage but we managed to work things up and now in a much better place than we were. Although I'm not as young as I hoped to be for a first time mother, I feel both DH and I are in a much better place now as future parents and this actually solidified our marriage.

Hope for the best but prepare for the worst worked but I never thought about childless life. For me I decided to think about it later if I ran out of options and not entertain this though just yet.

Counseling helped avoid the crisis when I felt really down and exhausted.

All and all after 2 fresh and 2 FET cycles I feel I'd do it again in a heartbeat for the second one as staying positive helped me remember this experience as something full of hope and energy.

Sorry for the long post, I hope knowing that IVF can be an exciting experience might be helpful for those of you at the beginning of the adventurous journey!

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