Schrodinger's pregnancy, again

[TheBeesKnee]

AF is 2 days late but I'm refusing to POAS* because it's only 2 days, and it's been later than that before and still been a BFN and anyway, I had a fever for like A WEEK, so that's probably delaying my period, but before that fever I had a migraine, is that a sign of implantation? Hold on, let me google that again because the signs might have changed from last month, you know what science is like, always moving the goalposts! One minute you should always use protection because you could fall pregnant on any day of your cycle, the next you find out that you're only fertile 12-24 hours per cycle! HA! HA! HA! Isn't medicine crazy?

Anyway, where was I? Ah yes, in limbo.

I love and I hate this unknown period where a teeny tiny part of me hopes that it has finally happened and I am harbouring an embryo inside my womb and will have a baby, and casually look up due dates and work backwards to figure out when I can go on maternity leave and who will I invite to my leaving lunch from work? How will I break the news to my boss, oh god, what if we are both pregnant at the same time? How will I tell DH? Where did I hide that bloody Daddy Bear mug that I bought 2 years ago with the intention of sharing the news in a sickeningly cute way and bringing him coffee in bed on a sleepy Sunday morning when I thought this would be easy and felt satisfied with myself for planning ahead like the good little planner that I am?

But it's probably nothing.

But what if it's not?

but...

[exhausted]

*I am refusing myself - this entire argument is happening within my own head.

[nextweek]

It's like you're reading my mind, I do the exact same every month during the tww. My AF is never late, I've never had a BFP, we have a diagnosed fertility issue, we're on the waiting list for IVF but yet I go through the same thought process every month...the joys!

[TheBeesKnee]

POAS yesterday and got a bfn, naturally. However, I still felt low level nausea that I've never experienced before and this morning I am exhausted.

Must be the Corona virus

[LongtermTTC]

@TheBeesKnee this made my day! 🤣 I’m the exact same, even down to having planned the ridiculously cutesy way of telling my hubby that is now firmly buried in a drawer god only knows where but where I can still feel it taunting me “you didn’t think it’d be that easy did you, you fool” (sigh).

Trying not to read into “symptoms” and google the sht out of them - was that ovulation cramps or did I just eat a big lunch?? Wait... maybe that isn’t really the start of my period but pregnancy spotting. Or maybe the BFN is just because it’s too early / I’m very well hydrated / the test is rubbish. I’m a natural born pessimist but there’s always that little twinge of hope that I try to swallow down so as not to be disappointed. Maybe one day that little voice will be right. I hope so because this other booming voice is kind of an a*hole and I’m fed up of them already xx

[TheBeesKnee]

Oh yes LongtermTTC pre-TTC I thought I was really cynical and pessimistic. Little did I know that there was a bottomless well of delusion optimism in my shrivelled little heart!