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2WW killing me this time I don't know why!!!

(7 Posts)
MOGMOGMOG85 Sat 01-Feb-20 22:04:26

I've been ttc almost 2 years now and its been 5 months since my miscarriage of my only pregnancy.

Since the miscarriage my cycle has not changed in length, and I'm still ovulating, but my bleed has been a different colour, lighter, and my body is just a bit more unpredictable during my cycle - which has been throwing me off on top of the emotional turmoil of dealing with the fallout of the miscarriage.

Anyway I thought I'd got quite good at not "waiting" during the 2 week wait and only getting angsty the few days before my period and then lately sad when it comes. But this month I've been desperate to know if I'm pregnant since day 14 (ovulation) and it keeps popping into my head unwanted. I'm only on day 20 and I literally don't know how I'm going to survive the next week!

Anyone else out there lacking self control this month and getting preoccupied? Any tips for distraction?

Like - I'm even tempted to list my "symptoms" here (I'm going to resist) even though I know from experience that means literally nothing!!!

Oh dear.

MallonMary Sat 01-Feb-20 22:30:18

I feel your pain! Every time I'm in the tww I drive myself mad and then whole heartedly regret it.

Tips from me would be make plans to keep busy! Also don't buy early tests (or if you do buy and limit yourself to one test a day fmu only). I've got obsessive with early testing and ended up not only spending a fortune but wasting time starring at the damn things in all different lights! Stuff of madness lol

Sending you lots of luck xx

MOGMOGMOG85 Sat 01-Feb-20 23:20:52

@MallonMary thanks for your reply - its so nice to see that I'm not the only mad woman out here!

I'm becoming a ninja at not testing - last month didn't do a single one and my period was a day late, GET IN! Staring at those blank tests is just too gutting, I literally can't take it any more.

But not thinking is a different matter. I'm convinced I'm pregnant - and I'm going to regret it so much. Trying to tell myself rationally that I won't know if I'm pregnant or not until the day of my period.

I have made loads of plans - too many! Had a lovely day today at a national trust property, lovely weather and went for a long walk on my own whilst OH was taking part in a running competition, gorgeous.

Now I'm writing this down I realise I'm actually doing really well considering everything - I'm slowly getting better, less distressed every month since the miscarriage. It hit me hard for a while there, and I'm not saying I'm not still going to shed a few tears when my period arrives, but I'm getting a bit less depressed overall which I should be proud of.

I don't know your story but no matter what all of us on this infertility board have to be so strong so I'm giving you a massive high five too xxxx

MallonMary Sun 02-Feb-20 19:51:17

@MOGMOGMOG85 it sounds like you're doing really well! Massive high five back to you.

Have you had fertility investigations to see whether there's any reason it's taking you longer?

My oh had bad sperm analysis but my tests came back ok. We have our first appointment at the fertility clinic this Thursday.

MOGMOGMOG85 Mon 03-Feb-20 19:59:34

@MallonMary fingers crossed for your appointment! I really hope its a decent professional and that you feel you're taken seriously and given some options...

My OH test was 6% which is normal apparently? I can't remember the other details but recently was thinking maybe I should check again in case it's on the lower side of normal.

I have had the 2 blood tests, one on Day 4 and one on Day 21 of cycle I think? They were good. I temped for 2 years and always had regular cycles and clear temp rises, and I've done ov tests a couple of times, once before we even started trying and once this month just to check all was good after the miscarriage - I got positives bang on halfway through my cycle.

I have had an infection in my womb previously (actinomycosis through insertion of copper coil) which caused intense pain and bleeding every day for 18 months. So far the doctors have all been dismissive of this as it was 7 years ago, but I do want to know more about whether I might have scarring.

I had a scan and it said I had an enlarged right ovary and also large fibroids. Then when I was pregnant the fibroids meant it was very difficult to see anything in the womb. When the miscarriage completed I was scanned again and was told my womb and ovaries look really healthy and they see fibroids every day with pregnant ladies and it's not anything to worry about since I conceived naturally.

I don't know though - it took us 16 months that first time and it's our 5th month now. I guess logically I probably can fall pregnant naturally but maybe the fibroids mean it takes longer? I'm finding it hard to stay positive though.

I have a gynaecology appointment next week and am terrified. IT's a male consultant and I'm just really scared that he won't have any empathy and won't listen to my concerns, because so much is riding on this for me! I also have another scan next week to look at the fibroids - I still don't know how many I have or where they are - I know they are about 5-7cm...

I have been told by GP that they wouldn't refer me to fertility because that's just for IVF??

I guess I'll see what happens next week and go from there. I'm secretly hoping so hard that I'm pregnant and won't need it! I've been mad tired last couple of days and breasts are tender, but then my body has been all over the place since the miscarriage - my last 4 periods really freaked me out as they were watery/pink colour and lasted half as long as usual... sad

Let me know how it goes with you. If its the sperm that's the issue (I'm not experienced) bt I'd have thought that could work out? With IVF? Would you guys consider a sperm donor? I know those kind of questions can be a bit insensitive - when people ask me if I'd adopt I feel like punching them at the moment! xxx

alliejay81 Mon 03-Feb-20 20:06:52

I'm at the very end of my TWW and expecting AF any minute now sad. I'm finding this month harder too. I think it's because we're in a new year and we kid ourselves because it's a new year things will be different somehow.

Good luck though.

MOGMOGMOG85 Mon 03-Feb-20 20:46:46

@alliejay81 I still have a week to wait :'(

sorry to hear you think AF on it's way. The only time I was pregnant I was convinced AF was coming - cramping, grumpy, weepy etc - you just never know until it comes is my motto. I'm jealous of you in a way that your wait is almost over either way, I'm still gonna hold out hope for you though xxx

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