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Advice please - partner can't ejaculate

(2 Posts)
CaramelDigestive Mon 27-Jan-20 19:13:50

Hi

Long term member, but namechanged for this.

My partner and I have been together for over 10 years. A few years ago he developed anxiety that became so bad that he wasn't managing it with CBT and so went on citalopram. This has been transformational in terms of his mental health but had meant both his libido and ability to ejaculate have disappeared. We have sex less than once a month as I don't want to pressure him. He hasn't ejaculated with me in over 3 years and it's no better when he masturbates. Before the medication he had a much higher sex drive than me, and would happily have had sex 4-5 times a week. He is also very upset at this loss of libido.

He brought this up with the doctor and has tried other medications which are intended to treat his anxiety but minimise these side effects, but none have helped with the sexual side of things, or have made his anxiety worse. Doctors seem to shrug their shoulders and say that's the trade off for feeling better.

His mental health being managed is the most important thing to me but I am desperate to have a family. We are in our early-mid 30s and I don't know what to do as I think it's next to impossible that we will be able to do this naturally.

Was/is anyone in a similar position and did you pursue fertility treatment? Did you go private or through the NHS? What are our options?

CharitableJoy Mon 30-Mar-20 10:21:13

Hi @CaramelDigestive,

Also namechanged for this.

Me and OH were in the same situation (with OH being on medication). While the medication does lower his sex drive and makes it hard for him to "finish" we found it was also part psychological with OH putting a lot of pressure on himself.

Two things I found helped OH were:

1) We found changing up our positions helped, especially ones that didn't force direct eye to eye contact.

2) I also gave being more vocal during sex a go. He said he really like that as it let him knew I was having a good time and took some of the pressure off of him.

3) I know OH has a bit of an anal fetish (which he has never pushed as I wasn't keen on the idea) but thought I would give it a go and boy did that do the trick (for both of us blush).

Obviously these are very personal to us but I was in the same mind set that OH mental health was the most important thing to me so I thought I would try the above before talk of changing/adding more medication.

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