Hi all,
I married young at just 24 to my DH who is 13 years older than me.
We ttc straight away without luck and had our first IVF in 2011 which resulted in BFP but miscarriage. We had our second in 2013 which resulted in BFN.
We decided IVF was too heartbreaking (and costly) so looked into adoption. After attending the courses and having regular visits from our social worker we pulled out a meeting before being approved as we were unsure about maintaining contact with any adopted child’s biological family.
We decided to move on with our life just the two of us, we moved house and live in a lovely home in a village. I have a great job part time and we have some lovely holidays. Sometimes we have spoken about how lucky we are to still be in love and together after all the trauma we experienced and relish in what a wonderful life we have.
However, in the last couple of weeks I’ve been completely rattled. I think it’s a combination of turning 36 this year and DH turning 50 and also my parents handed down a rocking chair to me as they prepare to move house. It was the chair my mom bought when she was pregnant with me and I have this sudden guilt of what’s going to happen to it as I have no one to pass it onto.
Has anyone else been in this situation ie moved on then had second thoughts?
I’ve spoken to DH and whilst he’s more than happy with our life now and doesn’t particularly want to have a child now at the age of 50 he said he wants ‘us’ to be happy and will support whatever decision I think it right for our future.
In one mind my yearning for a child has never really gone away, I’ve just managed to surpress it well, but in another way we are so settled now we have a lovely life and I’m worried a child at this stage wouldn’t be right for us.
I have guilt over my parents never becoming grandparents, worry about DH being older and being an old lady with no family to look after me, as well as lots of other things.
Is it just natural at this stage to have these feelings?
Sorry if this post is rambly, I guess I’m looking for answers or some rational thinking of my thoughts.
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Infertility
Decided on a life without kids now wondering if that was the right choice
24 replies
Poppins17 · 23/01/2020 21:20
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