Secondary infertility - two rounds of ivf and no success

(12 Posts)
Peanut1980 Wed 18-Dec-19 20:13:41


So I guess I’m looking to hear from people with similar experience. I have a son who is 7. We’ve been ttc for baby no. 2 for 2 years. A year ago we started ivf. Had a BFP but then miscarriage with first round. Nothing with second round and embryos weren’t of great quality. Husbands sperm is good. They think it may be the quality of my eggs. I’ll be 40 next year. So, I’m feeling really down and lost today.

I want another baby but just don’t know whether I should give up hope or keep trying?!

We skipped on clomid but as my husbands sperm is good I’m hoping the dr might let us give it a go. I’m going to try make an appointment tomorrow to discuss with them. If he says no I’m going to arrange a consultation with our private gynae to see what he says. Egg donor is not something I’m interested in.

Writing this with tears in my eyes. It’s hard to find someone to understand the pain unless they’ve experienced similar.


OP’s posts: |
ChatWithMe Wed 18-Dec-19 20:39:44

Sorry you're feeling tearful Peanut1980. I can empathise. I have secondary infertility as well. We had our son through IVF when I was 35 in 2017. The frozen embryo from that cycle failed this March. Since then we have done another IVF cycle. The fresh transfer from that failed. The day I was supposed to have the frozen transfer it didn't even happen as the embryo stopped growing. We have also done 2 IUIs unsuccessfully. We have one more IUI then likely 2 more IVF cycles. After that I will be approaching my 40th birthday and I'm throwing in the towel. Only you know what feels right for you. Good luck with Clomid and if need be IVF. It's a dark journey but if you get to have another baby after all this trauma it's worth every moment.

Peanut1980 Wed 18-Dec-19 20:50:53

I’m so sorry @chatwithme but I wish you the absolute best with the rest of your journey. It’s so hard to not think about it when you desperately want it. Trying to have a break until the new year but from ovulation to period I can’t stop thinking about it. I just wish someone had the answers. I need to have these meetings with the dr and consultant!

I’ve had a good boo. Even the blimin dog has had enough of me and buggered off. I thought they were meant to sense when when you’re upset and comfort you?!? Typical male!

OP’s posts: |
ChatWithMe Wed 18-Dec-19 21:06:24

Haha at least you have a good sense of humour. Joking about it can take the edge off I think. This month my clinic closes around my ovulation time so my last IUI waits until end of January. So I'm gonna enjoy some alcoholic drinks and coffee around Christmas, things I normally don't have. Also gonna focus on my hobbies. When I have a good piano or study session, or a good run, I feel a happiness boost. I hope you have leisure activities that can distract you a bit x

Peanut1980 Wed 18-Dec-19 21:32:43

Yes I think it’s so important to have something else to distract you. I love to exercise. Well I hate doing it but love it after. That’s one of the things I wanted to discuss with the consultant as I hear it can interfere with your hormones. Eurgh... it’s so consuming and hard to not put your life on hold.

I wish you a happy Christmas with your son and family. I’ll be holding mine tight and enjoying every minute. Especially as I don’t have to cook this year 😁

OP’s posts: |
ChatWithMe Thu 19-Dec-19 08:08:07

Merry Christmas and happy 2020 to you too :-)

Mctm123 Fri 20-Dec-19 09:52:45

Hi @Peanut1980 I’m in a similar boat to you and at the moment I’m struggling if I’m honest! We’ve just had our 2nd miscarriage IVF. We have a naturally conceived little boy who’s 4 and we so desperately want to give him a sibling. We had 4 embryos left but lost one as mentioned and 2 more were lost in the thawing process so we are left with just the 1. My brother also done ivf 3 weeks later and they are pregnant. I was so excited about the thought of 2 babies coming and one being my first ever niece or nephew and a cousin for our boy but our loss has affected me even more as I was so happy for the future.

Now I’m panicking as only 1 left an I just want to get started now an forget Xmas is happening (although I will make it special for our boy) I feel like the end is coming but how do you accept it xxx

Peanut1980 Sat 21-Dec-19 20:35:02

@Mctm123 oh I’m so sorry to hear you’re in a similar situation. It’s tough for you with your brothers pregnancy serving as a reminder. Does he know you fell pregnant and lost? I should imagine it’s tough for him too if he does. Don’t lose hope yet. You still have a great chance with your frozen emby and I wish you the best of luck. I’ve heard lots of stories of people falling pregnant on their last egg 🤞🤞🤞😘😘😘

I have a friend who’s starting clomid now and it’s so hard as I’m pretty confident she’ll fall pregnant. She already has one. I don’t think I’m jealous as I know how hard this infertility journey is and I really want it to be successful for her. It just makes me feel under pressure slightly. I don’t even know if they’ll let me go on clomid.

I have so much to be thankful for but I just feel like I have a big hole in my life and I can’t help but wonder whether I’ll ever feel complete without another child.

Have you had any counselling for your miscarriage? I really didn’t think I needed any after my miscarriage but I had one session free. It was so good for me. I would totally recommend it. I’m tempted to have another session. You need to allow yourself time to grieve or give yourself permission. Everything with IVF is so intense and we’re so keen to move onto the next attempt.

I hope you manage to mentally and emotionally take some time out over Christmas and enjoy it with your son xxx

OP’s posts: |
Mctm123 Sun 22-Dec-19 12:01:32

@Peanut1980 thanks for your lovely kind words. I’ve woke up today feeling a lot stronger - I am up an down but getting there. Yes he knows about the loss and of course is sympathetic but it’s difficult as I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable at the same time as they are obviously so happy about the prospect of their first child and when you already have one I keep getting told to remind myself how lucky I am, which I do but I can’t help the fact I feel so desperate for another. Anyway I suppose everything is just time and things will get easier xxx

We have been talking about going back to basics and trying naturally again should the last embryo not work. Trying to ‘switch off’ and not let life be on hold as much and focus on good things like family days out, holidays etc and using 2020 to get a bit fitter and healthier.

I know what you mean about the feelings of pressure to do with your friend. I have and do feel like that as I have friends going through similar and we all want the same outcome but there’s more pressure to achieve it. The thing is though it makes me more aware just how common fertility issues are and my friends an I do talk to each other a lot about it which does help.

I haven’t had counselling. I didn’t think it would benefit me to be honest. I like to just get things straight in my own head and my parter is really supportive so I would rather speak to him than a counsellor but people have said maybe I need additional support. Maybe I do. I’ll see.

I plan to just try an enjoy Xmas now. The new year is a fresh start isn’t it! Good luck to you too and merry Xmas xxxx

twinkledag Mon 23-Dec-19 07:57:53

Me 🙋‍♀️. 4 rounds of trying for a sibling and only a miscarriage to show for it - and a shedload of debt. It's crap and I feel for you all 😞

Peanut1980 Mon 23-Dec-19 10:03:06

I’m so sorry to hear that @twinkledag. It’s so heartbreaking. Are you still trying? I don’t know if I’ll ever stop. The amount of people that say ‘stop trying and it will happen’ drives me insane 🤪

Are you taking ubiqionol? It may improve the quality of your eggs. It’s really the only thing my consultants have recommended. They’ve said no to acupuncture for fertility which I was surprised about but happy to knock that on the head at £50 a week 🥵

I bought a dog after my miscarriage last year. He’s been a great distraction and is a best friend for my son. My son calls him his brother. He desperately wants a sibling although he was so jealous of the dog when he first arrived I’m not entirely sure he does.

I really hope 2020 brings us a bundle most of all and some peace and happiness if not.

Good luck all xxx

OP’s posts: |
twinkledag Mon 23-Dec-19 10:12:12

Thank you Peanut, have been taking ubiquinol and many many other supplements for years, sick and tired of it. Luckily my son doesn't want a sibling, he wants a pet 😃

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