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Christmas .....

(54 Posts)
Steenac72 Wed 18-Dec-19 17:51:45

Feeling crappy about another Christmas with no baby or pregnancy. My niece and nephew just left and the house feels so empty.

Also finding it hard that there will be no baby in 2020 either (next IVF transfer will be April ).

Anyone any tips on how to cope/stay positive?

JandL2020 Wed 18-Dec-19 18:59:18

I watched a podcast by fertility network about this. It was really helpful for me and I’ve taken a few positive steps this week already. I’m hoping for a 2020 baby but I’m thinking it is unlikely too and will need IVF xx

Steenac72 Wed 18-Dec-19 19:09:48

I tried to listen to that podcast but they filmed it in a cafe and a baby keeps saying ‘look daddy’ in it - it actually upset me for the rest of the day! So I had to switch it off. Or is there a different one? This was the fertility podcast how do I self protect over the festive seasons.

I won’t have a 2020 baby as need ivf and our next round isn’t until March/April with PGS testing so even further into 2020.

JandL2020 Wed 18-Dec-19 19:22:23

Sorry definitely not that one, that would have upset me too. It’s here
fertilitynetworkuk.org/how-we-can-help/online-support-webinars/
Haven’t managed to watch all of it yet but following watching it i took up a new hobby and starting a new course in January x

Steenac72 Wed 18-Dec-19 19:23:41

Thank you so much!! I’ll give it a listen.

PurpleDaisies Wed 18-Dec-19 19:41:49

This is the thread I was going to start. Hate this time of year. Just having others that get it helps me.

EL8888 Thu 19-Dec-19 19:56:40

^ this 😔

@Steenac72 eugh that’s all a bit thoughtless in the podcast

JeNeBaguetteRien Thu 19-Dec-19 20:46:48

Ladies you (we) are not alone 💐
It is always hard but so many people are proclaiming that Christmas is only worthwhile with children that you could end up believing it.
Thanks for the podcast link @JandL2020 and sorry you heard that other one @Steenac72

A few baby bombs of late have nearly tipped me over the edge, so fed up.
Have had Christmas where I was doing IVF and it was shit, this Christmas IVF delayed due to Christmas which is shit and due to PGS testing and other factors I suspect the earliest transfer possible is not for a while. Assuming I have something to transfer!
At least I know AF is coming this week, no false hope of a Christmas miracle as DH and I were in different countries in the alleged fertile window.
I'm going to have some wine, but not loads as I'll just cry and have a hangover.
It's a cliche but I am remembering the things I am grateful for to all the patronising fuckers with kids I'm not talking about lie ins and travel including my DH, extended family, and small pleasures like food!

jemimafuddleduck Fri 20-Dec-19 17:44:48

It's really shit. This time last year we had our first embryo transfer. Since then we have had 4 in total (6 embryos) and they've all failed. Final FET planned for January but likely to be negative the Drs day.

I've had a few baby bombs too and am feeling very down and bitter about the whole thing. Had a melt down when we put our tree up this year, because when we did it last year we thought it'd be our final year without a baby. And here we are, around £30k down and no baby.

Sorry to be such a Debbie Downer, just REALLY struggling.

EL8888 Fri 20-Dec-19 19:04:25

@jemimafuddleduck thinking of you. The whole thing is so tough isn’t it 😔

It’s safe to say this whole experience has made me a not very nice person. I’m very bitter and angry about it all. I don’t think my partner finds it that helpful but that’s just the way l feel

Cafenube Fri 20-Dec-19 19:16:41

It’s certainly a tough one. I should have been finishing work today to start maternity leave but had an mc in July. My sister in law had a baby last weekend (7 weeks before hour due date)and gave their daughter the name I had in mind. They couldn’t have known but of all the names to choose! We went for a hsg last week so waiting on those results.It’s just such a trying process.

Littlegoth Fri 20-Dec-19 19:19:57

I had my second miscarriage last Christmas, and should have been going on mat leave for my third now.

The matching ‘mummy’s little elf’ displays about make me want to gip.

Really hope I like Christmas again one day x

IPokeBadgers Fri 20-Dec-19 19:20:07

It is tough. I turned 40 in March and we'd been trying for nearly two years at that point. Due to my age we had missed the NHS cutoff in my area for a cycle of IVF so it was straight to private, but they wouldn't treat me because of my BMI. Struggled to lost a stone to bring BMI down slight, had a cycle of ICSI in September/October. Only one egg out out 5 collected made it to blastocyst, so nothing to freeze. Started bleeding the day before the pregnancy blood test.

Today have started the tablets to downreg for another ICSI cycle. Will start stimms second week in January. If this cycle fails I'm not sure we can afford another go.

It's fucking hard. And not how I imagined my life turning out.

thefishthatcouldwish Fri 20-Dec-19 19:24:30

I feel so down tonight.

My job is a leader of a nursery pre school and kids so excited about Santa etc.

It makes me so very sad now we have finished. It’s so hard all I want to do is cry.

EL8888 Fri 20-Dec-19 19:31:21

In terms of tips -just realised I never replied to that bit of your post. Not that l have many tips. Try to stay positive, eat and drink loads (well lm doing that until the end of the year!) and plan lots of fun stuff for 2020 so you have things to look forward to

Milosinthebox Fri 20-Dec-19 19:39:37

I could have started this thread. I am the grinch that stole Christmas this year. DH had to drag me to get our Christmas tree and I have felt absolutely zero joy about it, can't even bring myself to turn the lights on when I get home.

We've been trying 2 years this month and I just never thought this would be us...

On top of all the bfn disappointment, it's had such an impact on our relationship and how I feel about being together, I'm so disengaged and can't even get excited about the fertility treatment we'll be having in the new year because at the moment we can barely spend half an hour together without having a bicker.

I just want to run away from my whole life at the moment and go travelling by myself for as long as I could afford to 😢

Halloumiwrap Fri 20-Dec-19 20:02:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JandL2020 Fri 20-Dec-19 22:15:56

Finding today particularly difficult. AF arrived, my sister moved hundreds of miles away and I just feel so alone 😢 partner has been lovely but with all the crying he’s gone to his man shed 😢 hugs to all
Xx

PurpleDaisies Fri 20-Dec-19 22:50:18

Halloumi that’s an incredibly insensitive post.

JeNeBaguetteRien Sat 21-Dec-19 00:10:34

Just coming on to high five @PurpleDaisies.
The patronising shit is bad enough from the fertiles but from people who have supposedly walked in our shoes I don't know what to say to Halloumi.
Some people can sink their life savings and all their emotional resources into this and never get a BFP never mind a baby.
Steena has already posted on this thread how difficult it was listening to the bloody podcast!

thefishthatcouldwish Sat 21-Dec-19 06:04:43

For me the thing that makes me most anxious is the fact that what if IVF never works?

What if this is my lot in life? What if I never have a family Christmas of my own?

I realise this is a very selfish post but today I feel selfish.

Maggie272 Sat 21-Dec-19 07:26:46

@PurpleDaisies and @JeNeBaguetteRien I loved her post, and didn't find it insensitive at all. I love hearing other people's success stories, and she made a lovely point about just being in the game. I actually took offense to the language you used towards another poster *@JeNeBaguetteRien*, that was harsh and she doesn't deserve that.
With respect
M x

PurpleDaisies Sat 21-Dec-19 08:38:17

Maggie you currently have a BFP. That’s a totally different position to the rest of us on this thread.

Don’t you have enough emotional intelligence to realise that this thread probably isn’t for you, and it isn’t appropriate to criticise other posters for stories of snuggling babies and life being perfect now they’ve been successful (twice) upsetting?

Maggie272 Sat 21-Dec-19 09:42:05

I'm critical of the language used towards other posters. My emotional intelligence is just fine, thank you, and I've been through hell too.

My best to you
M

Denise1987 Sat 21-Dec-19 09:42:11

I'm struggling too this year. My first round of IVF worked but then I had a MMC at 12 weeks. I usually LOVE Christmas and this year it's just not in me but I'm trying to put on a brave face. I'm trying to be kind to myself, actually I've kind of hit self destruct a little. Lots of take aways, had a couple glasses of Prosecco last night, lots of chocolate and Netflix, think my body has forgotten what fruit is. Basically the whole "f*ck it, why not" attitude. I guess that's my tip, rightly or wrongly. This process is so hard and we have to work so hard, sometimes you just need to let go for a little bit.

New year, fresh start. Get back ok the healthy lifestyle wagon and start again. You do whatever you need to do to get through this x

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