Anyone else feeling low?

[Chasingrainbows80]

Hi I’m really struggling the now. Was due to start 1st cycle of donor egg and had to cancel last minute as the donor pulled out.
We’ve had some really bad news about my baby nephew taking ill and got so poorly that he stopped breathing and is now stable but we’re now worried about how bad his brain damage is from the after math of the lack of oxygen when his heart stopped and it now looks like he’s on a long road to recover, if he does. My poor sister is not far from a break down and my mum is struggling too.
My youngest sister is due any day now and that’s what’s keeping us going. However, I just keep going but feel anxious and crying at anything and every silly little situation which is not like me at all.
I have recently been told from the hospital that I have 8 mths to move up the list for donor eggs or I lose my funding altogether. I’m 40 in the summer and never felt so lost and pointless in my life. Maybe it’s this time of year too? I’ll take any advice on how to get through and if anyone has any similar stories they want to share please do.
We’ve been TTC for almost 7 yrs now and I’m getting to the point where I have to accept this is too much and we’re so stuck it’s probably time to accept we’re not going to have kids.
Sorry for the long post. Needed to offload as I don’t have anyone else to talk to about this x

[Maggie272]

I'm so sorry, all of this is so overwhelming and your poor little nephew.

Of course you have to cry...and go through your feelings. I think it's normal to want to hit the off switch, but you can't. What you can do to stop the feelings from overwhelming you ... it's annoying advice but it works, take it from me

Eat well, exercise, take deep breaths often during your day. Yoga has been my medicine for the past decade. Understand that all of this is out of your control. Understand you are more resilient than you think. Find someone to talk to, or write on this board.

Sending you prayers and love
Maggie xxx

[Chasingrainbows80]

Thank you for your reply @Maggie272 yeah I’ve tried to get into yoga as I’ve heard from friends it really does help so maybe give it a try again. The exercise was always my go to when negative feelings & thoughts took over..working shifts gave me the excuse to go home and cuddle up on the couch.
I’ve had counselling sessions this year for all the fertility woes and came out feeling more optimistic about the future, the clinic will be closing soon for the festive season so will have to wait to make another appt. thank you so much, prayers to you and Good luck with your fertility future x

[Didthatreallyhappen2]

Oh you poor thing. I was TTC for 8 years before I got my +ve test and I know how soul destroying it is. Add to that the news about your poor nephew and the stress from that, and sometimes you wonder how you keep going.

During my years TTC I had one cataclysmic thing happen to me - don't want to go into details, but for a while it stopped my world from turning. I came through it, but it was awful, and when you add the IF on top of that you wonder how you manage to keep functioning. But you do. My only advice is to take one day at a time, one minute at a time, if necessary. Cope with what is immediately in front of you (not the "what if" scenarios).

Just a thought - if your donor pulled out, does that automatically push you up the list to the next available donor because it wasn't your fault?

[Chasingrainbows80]

@Didthatreallyhappen2 thanks for your reply. Such kind words too. 8yrs!?! Wow! Congrats on finally getting there!
Yeah I knew it would take a while but I honestly thought I would have a family before I turned 40 and like you said you really do wonder how to keep functioning. Yeah that is good advice too, I have issues overthinking (negative thoughts mostly) and my other half picks up on this a lot.
The Clinic told me this by email so I asked for a meeting with them asking about how far down I am on the list and if I would get a cycle before my 40th? I would’ve thought so too but I have no idea how long the list is so we can only live in hope for now! Thanks again ladies for your kind replies, means a lot x

[spacegirl123]

Oh @Chasingrainbows80, I'm so sorry you're having such a tough time. I guess there's not much advice I can offer other than what others have said (exercise, yoga and meditation have been my personal saviours) and I'm glad you have access to a counsellor. I guess all we can do is take each day, and each tiny milestone as they come and just hope for the best. The news about your nephew and the pressure on your family just makes this all the more overwhelming, it must be hard just to keep your head above water. Try and focus on taking care of yourself, get fit, eat well and think positively (easier said than done I am well aware!!) I really hope the donor list works out in your favour xx

[Oldandsad]

@Chasingrainbows80 so sorry to hear you are feeling low. I totally understand, I am going through long-lasting depression. I find swimming helpful to take my mind away from it all. I am trying to learn a new stroke and when I have any little progress I feel in control which is never the case with fertility issues. Also water helps body to relax and gives you a good yet gentle on the joint workout. I hope things will change for the best for you.

[Oldandsad]

@Chasingrainbows80 hope your nephew will fully recover.