TTC over 8 years

(14 Posts)
ChatWithMe Thu 21-Nov-19 21:05:15

Hi Zh8592 - if there is a way to get a bit of his semen to test you can check his sperm count yourself with a home testing kit

Sounds like if you stay with him you won't have children sadly but if the marriage means more to you than having children than I can understand why you'd forfeit your dream for the relationship. Good luck in your journey x

Hisdarkmaterials7 Mon 18-Nov-19 11:02:34

If you husband continues to act like this you will likely never have a child. Can you still say you are not fussed about him being like this?

Personally I could not be in a relationship with someone who had so little disregard for me that they let me go through 8 years of trying to conceive without even bothering to get checked out due to ego.

You can’t get treated properly yourself. You may need ivf which you can’t do yourself.

So now you decide whether you want to have children or want to remain childless with your husband.

CmdrCressidaDuck Mon 18-Nov-19 09:47:12

Will you still not be fussed if you never have a child, and never know if you could have had a child if your husband got over his childish refusal to visit a doctor? If his unwillingness to consider that he's the problem and dent his sense of his precious manliness leaves you permanently childless?

Zh8592 Mon 18-Nov-19 03:28:57

Thank you all for your advice. Tbh I'm not fussed about him being the way he is as I cant fault him for anything else. But it's just stressing me out like I've been trying for a very very very long time

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emojisarentwords Mon 18-Nov-19 01:02:06

It doesn't sound like this man shares your ambitions of conceiving at all. Sounds like you will be better off with someone who does. Do you have family and friends close by who can offer support and/or be a voice of reason? if he is serious about wanting a child and serious about you then he needs to put the ego aside and get seen, the SA test for men is a much easier procedure than the various tests for women and he can potentially save you the unnecessary hassle of going through a load of tests.

Eggcellent29 Sat 16-Nov-19 22:19:00

@Zh8592 Ah. Sorry, it sounds like I made a mistake there! My GP sent me for some initial blood tests alone and then referred me to a clinic - they didn’t say my husband had to attend but I didn’t say he wouldn’t so I guess that’s why it didn’t come up. Sorry for the misleading info!

But you could have some private investigations done by yourself....although I imagine this would be expensive and, without your husband, a bit pointless

I didn’t mean to imply that young people don’t have fertility problems (I know I certainly do!), I meant more that 8 years is a long time and probably needs investigation

Looks like I haven’t been much help at all! 🙈

Coliflowerchwese Sat 16-Nov-19 14:06:46

My partner was the same but he wouldn’t go because he was scared something was wrong and he admitted that, took him 4 years to finally go to the gp who kept telling me I couldn’t be tested without my partner doing his either.
I got to a point where I’d had enough and told him I’d likely resent him if we remained childless and he never found out, and that I would never resent him if he got tested and something was wrong.
Started trying at 20/21 I’m now nearly 29 and only just starting an ivf/icsi cycle soon.
It was my partner who had a low count, but I also had a few minor issues too.
Another poster said it’s not common for a young couple to have problems conceiving and I don’t agree. It’s actually more common than you think.
I would have a serious talk with your partner op, don’t let it take years and years to get anywhere.
If he is scared than reassure him but be adamant this needs to be sorted out now. Good luck x


Itsacoldcoldwintersday Sat 16-Nov-19 12:06:28

Your GP is correct. The fertility clinic won't see you alone. You have to go as a couple or not at all. Your husband sounds like an absolute idiot. Presumably he's terrified of being found to be infertile (the best perspective on his motivation). He needs to suck it up, otherwise you need to seriously consider your future with him.

BreadSauceHmm Sat 16-Nov-19 12:00:51

I don't know how he can know he hasn't got a fertility issue without getting checked out confused. You can show him the statistics of male infertility, they are almost comparable to female infertility rates. Tell him to prove it. You both get referred, get tests done and it will prove whether he has or hasn't got an underlying issue.
Regarding treatment, it doesn't have to be IVF. Treatments can be simple such as tracking your ovulation peroid (probably taking medication to ovulate) and trying naturally in that window. It depends on what the results of the tests say. There are different treatments available.

CmdrCressidaDuck Sat 16-Nov-19 11:32:59

How can I get my gp to send me to the clinic by myself?

You can't. It's both impossible and pointless to treat only one half of a couple.

Your husband sounds like an immature dick.

Zh8592 Sat 16-Nov-19 11:29:08

Thank you for your replies.

My GP isn't allowing me to go to fertility clinic alone he has stated that I have to go with my husband otherwise they wont see me.

Hes refusal is hes ego and he thinks he is in perfect health, and using my pcos as the reason to why I am unable TC.

How can I get my gp to send me to the clinic by myself?

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CollyWobbleMe Sat 16-Nov-19 11:08:26

Don't assume it's because of your health issues. I had the same thing TTC 8 years, PCOS but when my husband was finally willing to give fertility treatment a go, it was him that had a zero count. Tell him there's a 50/50 chance he may have a fertility issue so it's important you both get checked out. The clinic will first do investigations to find the cause of infertility and then give you treatment options at which point you can always say you don't want to go ahead. So explain to him that it's worth getting a referral to investigate the cause then thinking about the options moving forward later.

A lot of NHS clinics also do free counselling so you both can do that whilst you are on the waiting list to help him overcome his issues. Everything is confidential and outsiders like family will only know if you tell them.

Eggcellent29 Sat 16-Nov-19 10:57:35

I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through this, infertility is very difficult, particularly when you’re young.

I know this may not be what you want to hear, but you need to see a fertility clinic. 8 years TTC in your teens and 20s is unusual and you will likely need support.

I would not recommend trying to medicate yourself. It will not work and you would be putting your health at risk. And what for? For the sake of your husband’s blushes about going to a clinic? Totally not worth it.

I would sit down with your husband and explain that, if he wants to have a family with you, this is what needs to happen. If he still refuses to support you, you can visit yourself to have your own tests done. However, I would seriously consider if you want to start a family with someone who is so selfish and unwilling to be involved.

Fertility treatments are gruelling and push even the strongest of relationships to breaking point. It doesn’t sound from what you have said that your husband has the maturity to handle this. Would he consider counselling to explore the reasons for his refusal to get medical help?

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but having been through intense fertility treatments in my mid-20s I don’t see any point I sugar coating it!

Zh8592 Sat 16-Nov-19 04:22:09

Hey all,

So I've just joined after finding platform like this.

I have just turned 27, I have been trying to conceive for 8 years now and have had no luck. I have been to my GP and he isnt sending m to fertility clinic as my husband doesnt want to go to one of them clinics. He always like I'm fine it's you but will never go to the clinic. So I have pcos with thy I have secondary amonherra. I've just started taking provera at 10mg from last month. I get no periods at all. Honestly I'm just so depressed all my friends and families are out there having babies its breaking my heart. I heard you can buy clomid over the counter at this point I'm ready to do anything.

If u can give ny advice what can I do? Also where I cn purchase clomid from?

Thanks all x

OP’s posts: |

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