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I don’t know what to do from here

(10 Posts)
MrsandMrsonedaysoon Thu 14-Nov-19 11:27:11

Sorry it’s a bit long I tried to condense it.

I’m new hear but have been a long time lurker. I desperately want to be a mum but I got diagnosed with PCOS 3 years ago after my periods stopped (not sure if this is relevant but I battled bulimia for 14years which nearly killed me in 2 occasions I got help for this and am the healthiest I have ever been) the gynaecologist also said my womb was very thin. He didn’t out right say I could conceive naturally but he did say it was very unlikely and that I would need medical intervention.

I come from a large family and I’m the only one not to have had a child or had a chance to having one iv wanted to be a mum for as long as I can’t remember everytime a pregnancy is announced it kills me a little more in side I’m so happy for them but so sad for myself. I haven’t even had a happy little accident it’s like my womb is just a Barron wasteland. I’m so scared it’s never going to happen everytime my period comes I’m emotional and I cry I’m devastated for myself.

Just to point out unlike a lot of people with pcos I have a period every single month bang on 28 days. Although I have never had a positive stick pregnancy test not ovulation test. I know people with pcos who have had happy endings but I’m in a gay relationship and I love her with all my heart but we will have to do alternative ways of conceiving and I just keep getting in my head that’s it’s never going to happen as we can’t afford fertility treatment and our area doesn’t fund any fertility treatment sometimes it makes me so down as I just want what any other women wants I just find it hard to pick myself up.

I’m 30 now and I just feel like times running out I suppose I’m just looking for success stories just to give me a little bit of hope that there is a chance.

Didthatreallyhappen2 Thu 14-Nov-19 13:51:47

Didn't want to read and run, so this is short (apologies).

I just wanted to send you a hug. Have you been told what "medical intervention" might be? It might not be IVF/ICSI etc, but something like clomid which, in comparison, is much, much cheaper (and easier) than anything more involved. I think you need to have a long and detailed discussion with your gynaecologist to see exactly what is needed; then you can make a plan accordingly.

My rounds of ICSI were all privately funded so I understand how awful the thought of spending all that money is. In our case it worked (after 8 years), but find out the facts, and then see if there is a solution. I wish you and your partner all the luck!

MrsandMrsonedaysoon Thu 14-Nov-19 14:30:11

Thank you. No Becuase when I got the PCOS confirmed I had an internal ultrasound and he asked if I’m trying for children and at the time I wasn’t so I said no and he said there wasn’t anything that they can do for me but I would more than likely need medical intervention. I have read about metaformin and clomid but I can’t quite get my head round it all and then having to find a sperm donor it’s all quite so overwhelming.

The cost scares me as we both work but not on brilliant wages after everything has been paid we are left with a few hundred pound to last the month think just feeling defeated.

Didthatreallyhappen2 Thu 14-Nov-19 17:40:35

Oh bless you, you sound completely overwhelmed.

Lists are your friend here. Write down what you know, and what you need to know. "Medical intervention" is an all-encompassing phrase. PCOS does not mean you won't get pregnant, but fertility treatment will help. So what type of treatment is that? Pills, operation, IVF, what? Do you need to change your lifestyle at all? What will help?

If I were you I would research some fertility clinics nearby and go and see someone. A private appointment will cost you, but it will be worth it. Make a list (an encyclopedia if necessary) of everything, and I mean everything, that you want to know. Also find out how to go about finding a sperm donor. Find out the costs, timescales, success rates (although those can't be relied upon), EVERYTHING.

Then sit down with your partner and go through it all. Take it one step at a time. If it's in manageable chunks then you will cope. As a friend of mine always says to me "deal with what's definitely in front of you, not what you think might happen".

A doctor many years ago told me that I would "never have my own children". It took many years but DD finally arrived. If I ever saw this doctor again I would undoubtedly flatten him! You need to persevere, and the first step is information gathering. Good luck!

Dinosauraddict Fri 15-Nov-19 10:23:04

I was diagnosed with PCOS at 15, so was in a similar position re not thinking about children at that time (obviously). I was told that I would struggle to conceive, would need intervention, but they wouldn't know how bad it was until I actually started trying. There are steps you need to take, many of which won't cost you anything. Firstly, go to GP and request 21 day blood tests. The fact that you have regular periods is great (I didn't) but you need to know if they are anovulatory cycles or not. This will affect what intervention you need. Also get them to do full hormonal bloods (probably day 2 bloods) - this will give an indication of how 'bad' the PCOS may be (for lack of a better phrase). Also get all your standard STD checks etc done - you can get free on NHS and you'll need them done anyway, so worth checking now. As you're in a same sex relationship and require a donor it's worth having sensible conversations now about your other half's fertility, whether it would be easier for her to carry the child instead etc. Depending on the results of the hormonal test results, speak to your Gp about metformin. This is available on NHS (normally 1,500 per day) and studies have shown that clomid is more effective if you're on metformin for at least 3 months first. Also make sure you make any lifestyle changes - overweight is just as bad as underweight etc. Each CCG has different funding rules, but whilst you may not get funding for IVF etc, you may get funding for clomid. NHS will often offer 6 cycles of this. If you can afford it I would still suggest going private even for this alone as for c. £500 per cycle you can get full ovulation stimulation (with injections and monitoring - whole host of benefits which I won't outline in this post so as not to overwhelm you). There are options. My PCOS was so bad I did not ovulate at all naturally. My cycles could be up to 150 days long. I am now pregnant.
Good luck!

Dinosauraddict Fri 15-Nov-19 10:27:48

The one other thing I will say is it's worth getting a referral on NHS for a HyCoSy or equivalent. (Or you can get it done privately for about £500.) This will check that there aren't any problems with your fallopian tubes. There's no point spending money/time on clomid treatment if your tubes are blocked. If they/one are/is blocked there are still options (e.g. an operation to unblock them) but you'd need to do this first.

MrsandMrsonedaysoon Fri 15-Nov-19 11:57:35

Thank you both of you it’s a bit more reassuring I am really bad for dwelling on things that havnt happened yet. I never had any blood tests I did ask but the confirmed my PCOS by ultrasound as it’s standard apparently. I do suspect possible annovulatory as I have never had even a line on an ovulation test. Me and my partner have spoken but I really want to do the whole carrying and giving birth bit aswell and she really doesn’t want to she’s more than happy for me to do it. Congratulations on your baby news. I will give that a look Iv seen something called a fertility MoT so I might see if we can give that a shot.

Dinosauraddict Fri 15-Nov-19 12:37:37

@MrsandMrsonedaysoon completely fair enough if you and your partner want you to carry the baby, just thought it may be worth a conversation! smile Re diagnosis, yes internal ultrasound can diagnose, but there are other ways too. Personally I had internal, plus blood tests, plus they could physically see them when I had stomach surgery for something else. The blood tests can give you extra information sometimes. Most importantly, until you know for definite if you're ovulating, next steps are more guesswork/crossing things off lists!

MrsandMrsonedaysoon Sat 16-Nov-19 15:47:44

Thank you for your help. I wish it was as easy as they made it out to be at school. just have to cross each barrier as they come.

juneybean Sat 16-Nov-19 15:54:16

Your happy accident sentence threw me a bit...

Have you actually started ttc?

Depending where you are in the uk your gp should refer you for a tubal latency test if you want to try at home. Just because you have pcos doesn't mean to say you wont conceive, it's worth trying at home for a bit if that's your preferred method.

We tried at home for 2 years and finally got a nice consultant to agreed IVF was the way forward (1 round on nhs as long as we pay for sperm). But I have low amh not pcos.

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