I'm exhausted, we're both exhausted, but the prospect of never holding our rainbow baby just kills me. I need it like I need air. The absolute primal urge to hold my baby is overwhelming and all consuming.
We've lost 3 babies in 3.5 years and its been a whole year since we lost our last little boy and not even a whisper of a line on a test, despite shagging at exactly the right time every single cycle (using Ovusense). I'm 40 now so most of my eggs are probably shit.
IVF is just too expensive and we don't qualify on NHS as I have two DC from a previous marriage - both were very hard to conceive because of PCOS.
Having PCOS means I have to avoid sugar, gluten, dairy, booze, caffeine and basically anything fun. We are also taking supplements until we rattle which is expensive. We desperately want our lives back but my need for a baby after three losses is trumping that.
But how long do we carry on for? Hoping that every cycle that comes is our time, but it never is. Gearing ourselves up for a positive outcome that never is positive.
I see so many people having babies like its the easiest thing in the entire world. Colleagues at work seem to be having babies weekly, people in my social circles are making announcements all the time. But we are being left behind.
Yes I know I have my lovely DC and I am soooo lucky to have them given my shit fertility, but experiencing losses has done something to me that won't let me settle until I am holding my baby made with DP.
But our chances are so shit now I don't know how long I can go on for, but also the prospect of life without that dream is too painful to think about.
when do you decide enough is enough and how do you accept the rest of your life without the dream that so many people around you can have?
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Infertility
At what point do you give up?
15 replies
Frazzlerock · 29/10/2019 15:38
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