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What to say

(8 Posts)
decisionsdecisions2 Mon 30-Sep-19 20:12:54

I just want to preface this by saying that I took 3 years to conceive my first - horrific journey, long story. I recently found out I was pregnant again.

I have the most loving, amazing friend who is struggling to conceive - nothing diagnosed as of yet as she keeps getting dismissed at the fertility clinic due to weight.

We tracked our cycles together, bitched and moaned...and then I got pregnant. I know how she will have been feeling about my news but she has been gracious and her usual lovely self.

We don't speak about her TTC journey much anymore as I don't want to bring it up, and she has recently had other things going on which have been a distraction of sorts. However I want to be able to say something to her that shows I'm still thinking about her journey....how can I word it?

Rachelover60 Mon 30-Sep-19 20:15:33

You're a lovely, kind, sensitive friend. Just be there for her and do ordinary things together as you always have.

Congratulations flowers.

decisionsdecisions2 Mon 30-Sep-19 20:25:04

Thank you @Rachelover60 smile I just have this horrible feeling of empathy towards how she will be feeling about my news...and what makes it so much worse is that she is just so bloody nice!!

Kate2461 Mon 30-Sep-19 20:39:53

I think just leave her be, she maybe just doesn't want to talk about it (I know that feeling well!) She'll know that you're there for her, and she probably won't you to stop talking about your amazing news so my advice would be to carry on as normal. It can be worse when someone just avoids the subject. Congrats on your news, amazing!

PurpleDaisies Mon 30-Sep-19 20:42:00

I wouldn’t bring it up unless she does. Just continue being a good friend. ;)

PurpleDaisies Mon 30-Sep-19 20:42:27

I don’t know why my phone added a winky face at the end!

2fingers22018 Thu 10-Oct-19 16:16:58

@decisionsdecisions2 u sound like such a lovely friend id give her a card or a txt and just be honest tel her ur there for her if she ever wants to talk u know how hard it can be uve been there but just let her know if she doesnt want to talk thats also k.

HeyHeyWhatever Fri 11-Oct-19 14:18:54

If I am honest, if I was your friend I wouldn't be talking to you about it any more. I would feel a barrier had gone up and I would feel all the more isolated. I would probably also feel pangs of resentment at times.

I would also know this is unfair and irrational, but it is legitimate none the less. Despite this, I would be happy and relieved for you, but I would feel like I was still under the water, but you had made it to the surface and are now a world apart.

This is not your fault, but there is nothing you can say to comfort her. If I was her, I would want you to follow my lead.

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