It's not fair!

(12 Posts)
jemimafuddleduck Tue 27-Aug-19 07:55:02

I know IABU.

We have had 3 failed transfers. 4 embryos have been put back, that my body has failed to grow. We have another transfer planned for October.

But at the moment it seems like everyone is pregnant, including, most upsettingly, all of the YouTube/Instagram people I started following at the start of my journey.

I feel like a horrible person for feeling sad about this, I should be happy for them (and I really am, deep down). But why not me?!

I feel like it'll never be my turn. I feel like it's hopeless.

Sorry for the rant, just needed to get it down.

OP’s posts: |
struggleisreal Tue 27-Aug-19 08:13:15

Totally with you. We’re just waiting for confirmation of our 5th failed transfer. IVF works for so many people, I don’t know why it’s not working for us. I empathise so much with what you say - I can’t comprehend it working at this stage.

Try not to feel guilty for your feelings - it just adds an extra level of pain. What you’re feeling is totally natural. Sending lots of love xx

Pognut Tue 27-Aug-19 11:44:46

Snap - 3 failed transfers, 4 (top quality, DE) embryos which have taken one look at me and gone oh dear god no. Next cycle in November. Sigh.

I'm currently silently fuming at a much loved friend who put her 12 week scan photo on facebook without warning me first / making sure I couldn't see it. I knew she was pregnant; she's had an awful time with her first two children for various reasons; I am delighted for her at one level. BUT I am also furious with the world and very very sad that we've been trying since 20-bloody-12 and have lost years we could have spent with our children. If we ever have children.

Thank god for boards like this and Fertility Friends. I don't think we're horrible people, I think we're living through an extended nightmare which we can't really talk about with most people. It's just rubbish. Utterly, utterly rubbish, and it hurts.

On the plus side, I've been told by multiple consultants (including recurrent implantation failure & miscarriage people) that it's a numbers game. I believe this more in the abstract than anything else, but it's helping me as our next cycle looms.

Fingers crossed that this is your cycle. But don't beat yourself up about feeling any of this. It'd be more worrying if we weren't feeling it, I guess! xx

Areallthenamestaken Tue 27-Aug-19 11:50:25

I can relate. I've had 3 early miscarriages this year and those TTC groups can be a blessing and a curse. One of the women enjoyed telling me that my positive was too faint and I was going to lose the baby. I did. All this month she's been banging on about how she's definitely pregnant because she can feel it and I was secretly happy that she wasn't in the end.

It's bringing out a side of me that I don't really like but I am so over it. If one more person asks me when I'm going to get pregnant I'm going to lose it. We're trying!!

HJWT Tue 27-Aug-19 11:55:33

I cant relate, but your right is ISN'T fair! Everyone that wants to be deserves to be a mother!

It really pisses me of my sister can get pregnant and doesn't deserve to be but other women can't! Just isn't fair hun! Sending love and baby dust for October 💐💗

jemimafuddleduck Tue 27-Aug-19 12:07:44

Thanks all for replying.

I feel ridiculous being upset that people I don't actually know (YouTubers etc) are pregnant. Like why should it affect me at all?!

But a small, nasty part of me was quite glad that other people's bodies are as shit as mine. And now they're pregnant I don't even have that!

God, I sound like a horrible person.

We are quickly moving towards the point where we will run out of money too, and DH who has always been totally chilled about the financial aspect of it is now starting to get a bit stressed. Totally understandable but it's making me feel worse because it's MY body which is the problem and the reason for us spending so much money! Gah!

Having said that, I'm desperately sorry that you're all going through this too thanks

OP’s posts: |
HJWT Tue 27-Aug-19 15:39:19

@jemimafuddleduck I watch Phil & Alex on youtube they are American and still not had success yet other than what ended in MC, check them out they are really inspiring people x

Leodot Tue 27-Aug-19 16:30:06

@jemimafuddleduck You are not a horrible person at all. Infertility is such a stressful and awful thing to go through. It breaks all of us sometimes. You can’t be positive and hopeful every day, it’s ok to feel like this. Massive massive hugs and love to you. ❤️

@Areallthenamestaken That women in the TTC group sounds horrendous!! 😳

I hear you on the people constantly asking when you’re going to have kids. I went to an event with my parents last weekend and two drunk women I had never met before (my parents had never met them either as they were friends of my parents friends) started giving me a hard time that I hadn’t had children yet and “was clearly upsetting my mother by not letting her be a grandmother”. I laughed it off by saying I wasn’t ready when in reality I’m desperate for one and am undergoing infertility investigations. Then one of them reached across the table and pinched my cheek and said “better not leave it too late”! I just sat there in stunned silence. Who even does that?! They had never met me or my mother before that day! I think I would have burst into tears if it wasn’t for my mum holding my hand under the table as she knows everything my husband and I are going through. Seriously though people are bloody ridiculous sometimes 🙄!

Keeping my fingers crossed for all of us on this thread and sending hugs and love to everyone ❤️.

Areallthenamestaken Tue 27-Aug-19 16:38:43


Ugh that's awful!! How rude and patronising I've actually started saying 'I've had three miscarriages so it's not like I'm not trying' and people are so stunned they shut up. If they're going to make me feel awkward I'm happy to do the same to them. It only works with people I don't know well though. I don't really want my mum knowing that because it would just upset her.

Leodot Tue 27-Aug-19 17:03:53


You poor thing ❤️😞 I hope things work out for you soon. I’m not brave enough to be honest yet, I just try and laugh it off while dying on the inside!

BonnyE Thu 29-Aug-19 07:58:58

IF feels well and truly shit. Be kind to yourself. You feel how you feel and that's ok.
I came off social media when going through IVF and 2.5 years later have never looked back. I feel I can focus my time and energy on my life and immediate circle of people who care about me. Perhaps give it some thought.
The bizarre thing is we were lucky enough to have success through IVF but the old feelings haven't fully gone away. I hate bloody smug pregnancy announcements and photos. Bleurgh.

Viletta Mon 09-Sep-19 19:21:43

To these people I just say "we are working on it".. years later they figure out not to keep asking

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