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Secondary infertility

(17 Posts)
Zigzag11 Tue 06-Aug-19 14:32:45

It sucks, it's shit and it hurts.
That's all.

Littlelot Tue 06-Aug-19 15:48:50

Agreed! And i am so incredibly grateful for my son and he means the world to me. That doesn’t mean that it doesn’t kill me inside that I can’t give him a sibling or know that I’ve got boxes of stuff in the loft that I assumed I would be able to use for number 2. Arggg shitty shitty shit. And our first round of ivf has just resulted in a missed miscarriage which is eventually passed yesterday.

Zigzag11 Tue 06-Aug-19 16:57:38

I'm sorry for your loss.
I lost my 2nd almost a year ago and I cannot concieve ever since.
Of course, I'm eternally grateful for my beautiful DD.

What I can't comprehend in all this is if we can fall pregnant the first time and have our first babies, why doesn't,t it happen again?? Just don't understand it.

I'm still holding onto DD baby stuff, just in case.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted Tue 06-Aug-19 17:30:30

Yup! Some days I find secondary infertility harder than it was the first time round - since DD I have had 4 mc 2 failed IVF and 2 ruptured ectopics and now infertile. I never imagined that this would be my life now

Littlelot Tue 06-Aug-19 17:36:36

Thank you - just a particularly rubbish couple of weeks. Husband is now saying he doesn’t want to go through this again and we should just admit this is it but I’m not there yet. We have some embryos still frozen and would like to try one more time. But it’s all too raw at the moment so we’re going to wait a couple of months before deciding and see how we feel.

For us having our boy was completely textbook and every stage healthy and strong and in over 4 years since I’ve only had this one recent pregnancy that failed. Unexplained - Makes it hard as well because there is no explanation and nothing I can do to fix it.

I can’t give up hope and that’s why our stuff is still in the loft. Hate the person it makes me - when a friend is pregnant or I see a newborn and it just eats me up inside.

Had you been trying long for your second? So sorry you are going through this too.

Zigzag11 Tue 06-Aug-19 21:22:04

@ Littlelot,
We've been TTC since September last year straight after my MMC at 9 weeks.
I'd also might have had a CP too in February, I'm not 100% sure, my period was four days late and I did a IC test and there was a very faint line... or it could have been my imagination.

The odds are against me, I've turned 40 and my DD is eight, so it has been a long 8 years since I had her. I think my ovaries have shriveled up since. DD was also a text book pregnancy & birth.

I'm not sure if I can continue with this madness anymore, I might have to draw a line under all of it soon.
Having said that, I will probably refer myself to a fertility clinic, but a bit unsure how they can help. My GP run some basic bloods, LH, FSH, progesterone, prolactin etc. all normal for the time of my cycle and my age.. Not quite sure where to go from here.
Have been toying with the idea of doing IVF, but I don't think my mental health will be able to take it.

Zigzag11 Tue 06-Aug-19 21:31:15

@ itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles and what you have been through.
Would you try IVF again? I know financially and emotionally it can be crippling.
I was dead against it and now I'm so desperate that I might consider it as a last resort.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted Tue 06-Aug-19 21:37:51

@Zigzag11
Yes we re going to do another round of IVF hopefully next month but with PGS testing - I don't have any tubes left now so chance of another ectopic should be zero - I don't feel quite ready to give up yet although we've given it almost everything (including nearly dying once already) - when we do give up I'll have no regrets that there wasn't something we could have tried x

Darkrainbow Wed 07-Aug-19 09:55:27

Hi ladies, sorry you're all struggling too, it's a very lonely place to be. I generally don't post on the infertility boards as I feel it's unfair almost on those with 1ry infertility that we already have what they're desperate to have. It'd be nice to keep this thread going as a bit of a safe place.
Yesterday my friend had her 3rd baby, we met having our first at the same time. She's had 2 more children in the time I've had 2 miscarriages, an ectopic and a premature ovarian failure diagnosis. I'm trying really hard to be happy for her, and I am but God this is shit.
I've had some therapy which has been really helpful & I'd recommend. I'm definitely not 'there' on letting this go yet but it's helped me be less of a crazy lady. Lots of love to you all x

Popsiclewopsicle Wed 07-Aug-19 11:50:26

Joining you ladies. I’ve two dds with my exh and am desperate for a baby with my amazing dh. We’ve been ttc for 16 months now and not a sniff of anything. Basic nhs tests all came back fine and normal for both of us. We don’t qualify for nhs ivf due to my dds, and as I’m coming up to 38 the %’s are fairly low to go private. My dh is an amazing stepdad and everybody comments on how good he is with children, and I’m so gutted it’s looking less and less likely he can have one of his own. He says he has everything he needs in us and although he would love one, he doesn’t want us to have the pressure of ivf anyway. So I hear you in the crappiness of it all. Currently planning on ttc until January and then draw a line under it, because I hate the constant feeling of limbo and disappointment and false hope every month

Darkrainbow Wed 07-Aug-19 14:19:01

Hi popsiclewhopsicle (I love that name BTW). Your partner sounds like one of the good guys.
We decided to officially try up to my 38th which was a few months ago and would of been 4years ttc, unfortunately that deadline past us by & I can't quite get off the merrygoround (though I'm much calmer mentally) . I keep having the ridiculous idea of going to get a coil fitted to just be done with it and the ridiculous hope each month.

Busybeeskk Thu 08-Aug-19 17:22:42

Hi, I just wanted to say I'm so sorry for your losses and your struggles all of you. I'm so grateful to have my son who's nearly 3 but we've been ttc with another one since he turned 1 and it's just not happening. It is so hard and I really feel for all of you. I've never posted on mumsnet before but this thread hit home. People just tell me that I should be grateful for my son and to not let this distract me from him, which is right but I also think that that attitude is abit harsh because if you're having a bad day you end up beating yourself up over it. Or at least I do. Hope you all have better luck soon. X

Pegase Thu 08-Aug-19 18:18:33

So glad to find this. I have friends who are still struggling to have their first so don't want to moan when I am lucky enough to have one already but it does suck. Does anyone know when you can go to GP? I have had two mc in the past year and I know you can only go on the third one for recurrent mc clinic. Can you go for infertility appt at GP if you have been pregnant but it just hasn't progressed?

Bridget1983 Thu 08-Aug-19 18:21:33

Pleased to have come across this thread and agree with a pp that you feel awful even posting when you have a child already but the struggle and sadness are still there and it’s often very different to primary - you tend to be in the world of kids so surrounded by people having more babies etc
We have been trying for no.2 for a long time now, our dc often asks why he can’t have a sibling like all his friends 😟 breaks my heart every time - nice to hear everyone else’s thoughts and to know it’s not just us in this situation 😊

IKVH Thu 08-Aug-19 19:00:09

@Bridget1983
That question always breaks my heart too.

My 7 year old DD often asks for a sister or brother as all her friends have them.

I just smile and tell her we've just not been lucky enough to have one, while crying inside.

Pegase Thu 08-Aug-19 21:14:13

Same- heartbreaking every time DD asks for a sibling. She begged for one shortly after one of the mc and I thought I would throw up in distress.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted Fri 09-Aug-19 05:41:42

My 3 year old asked me if I have a baby In my tummy last night 3 weeks post op from ectopic- cried for about half an hour x

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