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Becoming an egg donor

(6 Posts)
BeardieWeirdies Mon 20-May-19 00:59:53

I'm looking into the possibility of donating eggs in return for subsidised treatment. I have had one child naturally. I'd like to know if any of my donated eggs would result in a child, get a photo and the opportunity to tell the parents/child about me and my daughter and get a letter once a year. I definitely wouldn't feel like I'm mum and be demanding cuddles etc but I'd like to know that my egg had become a much loved, happy child. Is this a thing or is it all totally anonymous unless, say, you're donating eggs to your sister?

RedPandaFluff Mon 20-May-19 01:14:28

Hi @BeardieWeirdies - I can tell you what happens from my experiences as an egg recipient, if that's useful?

Before we started each cycle, we were given a letter from the donor, in which she described why she had decided to donate her eggs and a bit about herself (nothing identifying, of course). Then once egg collection had taken place, we received another message from her wishing us luck. We were also told that the donor will be informed in due course (if she wants to be) whether any live births result from her eggs, and of course UK legislation means that her details will be released to the child by the HFEA if the child asks for them once they turn 18.

You absolutely wouldn't receive photos or annual letters.

I can tell you, though, that if a baby is conceived, it is the most loved and precious thing in the world, and your recipient will be forever thankful!

Persipan Mon 20-May-19 08:01:35

I agree with Panda's explanation. As an egg-share donor, you'd get to know if any child had been born, and prior to treatment you'd have the opportunity to write a letter to be passed on to any child born as a result of your donation. And, when they turned 18, they'd be able to access your details and could seek to make contact if they chose to. But no ongoing contact during childhood, no.

As someone who's been an egg-share recipient (unsuccessfully, sadly), I promise you that any child born via this route would be greatly loved!

I'd really recommend you make use of the counselling available via your clinic - it sounds like you (quite reasonably) have some big, important questions and they can help you think them through.

BeardieWeirdies Mon 20-May-19 09:14:30

Thank you for telling me your experiences. Being able to write a letter sounds good. It's such a huge thing to do, I just want some reassurance that they would be well cared for.

RedPandaFluff Mon 20-May-19 10:22:45

Obviously we can only speak for ourselves but I can tell you that my pregnancy is the most precious thing in the world to me and DH, and we can't wait to show our little one how loved he or she is. I'm only 8 weeks though so I'm still stressed that things won't go to plan, after previous losses.

What I would say is, consider how you would feel if your own treatment didn't work, but you discovered that your egg recipient had a baby. I think this might be very difficult to deal with for some women - in fact, I'm sure I read a newspaper article about a woman who really regretted egg sharing, I'll try to find it.

I don't want to put women off egg-sharing, but you're right, it's a huge thing, so you need to go into it with your eyes wide open.

RedPandaFluff Mon 20-May-19 10:28:34

Here it is. Makes for very difficult reading :-(

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-health/11965136/egg-sharing-pregnancy-fertility.html

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